Needful Things
by lsty4rpatz
Summary: A not so perfect honeymoon. Bella and Edward's life unfolds after he loses control. Love, turmoil, loss, betrayal and forgiveness. How gifted would Bella really be after her change? Would she forgive Edward for his actions? Mature readers only.
1. Chapter 1

**This begins as Edward pulls Bella into the water from _Breaking Dawn_. I** **don't own anything...it's all SM.**

**Chapter 1 – Losing my Innocence**

As we eased in, his body slowly warmed to the temperature of the water. I put my brave face on and told myself I had waited for this moment for three years. I could do this. I had begged him for this time and time again. It was time to pay up. There was no way I was going to let this _not_ happen.

I slowly pulled my arms from his embrace and gently stroked his chest. His marble body was like ice yet still so soothing. He closed his eyes as I circled my fingers around his already hardened nipples. I started to wonder if I really knew what I was doing. But the more I felt his skin on my hands, chest and fingers, the more I craved. I started to feel confident in the most basic form.

I had ideas of what I wanted this experience to be like but I had to admit…all the times I'd thought of my first time…it never occurred to me to take into consideration that Edward was a vampire. As easy as it was to be constant on my mind, I never addressed that in my fantasies. Part of me was secretly hoping we would play out the whole Hollywood vampire fantasy. Though, I'd never tell Edward that.

As I continued stroking his nipples, a low moan escaped his lips and I knew then, there was no turning back. He was as committed to this as I was. Deep down I always thought even on our wedding night he'd be too afraid and it would never happen. I doubted my ability to perform, his willingness to let it happen. Our lack of experience. So many factors seemed to play into my insecurities but all that seemed to fade the second I locked eyes with him. This was right. We were right. We were perfect…together.

The low rumble of moaning coming from him was overwhelming to me. But I pressed forward. I lowered my head to his chest and licked his nipples. His taste was so sweet and warming to the core. I knew in that instant, even though we were still in the water, he could feel my warmth, could hear my heart racing. I cringed internally knowing there was nothing I could hide from him. My body was betraying me in the worst way possible. I took a second to embrace the comfort of knowing my mind was immune to him. Thank my lucky stars for little favors.

I looked up at him and said, "You don't know how long I've wanted to touch you like this. To be in your arms like this. To taste you, to want you even more than I ever have."

"I think I have a pretty good idea." True. Even I had to admit that.

"Edward, make love to me. Take me inside and show me…show me how much you love me." You could probably see my crimson face from space but I actually sounded brave even to my own ears.

"Isabella, it would be my honor."

It was beautiful to hear these words from Edward but we had never really talked specifics where sex was concerned. I knew we both wanted the experience but he'd never actually said, "I dream of the day we finally make love."

We slowly crept out of the water, hand in hand, yet not actually looking at each other. I think we were both too afraid to address the nakedness of the situation. After all, the most Edward had ever seen of my skin was probably my hands. Forks didn't allow for many miniskirts and spaghetti strap shirts.

He reached for our towels and handed me one. He met my eyes and held the look but I could almost swear he snuck a peak at my body as he turned to hand it to me. I brushed it off. I knew as scared as I was, I wanted him to see me. I wanted him to want and need be beyond comprehension. Yet, I didn't dare look at him. I had never seen a naked man before and I was not sure if he was fully erect yet either so was too afraid to address it head on.

I wrapped my towel around myself as he wrapped his around his waist.

"Would you like to walk or can I interest you in a run?"

I knew he couldn't wait.

"I-"

With that, he swept me up into his arms and ran to the house. I knew neither one of us could wait. We were both madly in love and desperate to prove it to each other. He was everything I could ever want or dream of; and he was mine. All mine. And I was his. Forever.

Wild horses couldn't drag either of us away from this moment.

His arms encaged me to his chest and I quickly inhaled his delicious scent. Even after all this time together, Edward's scent was still intoxicating. I buried myself in this moment. Soon everything would be different. Soon, I would no longer be the _girl _Edward married. I would finally feel like his wife. I needed this more than just for the physical aspect. I needed to feel completely part of him. I knew we had sealed the deal when we said, _I do_. But somehow, it still felt like we needed the final act of the play. I was about to become a woman while Edward remained frozen in all of his glorious seventeen.

Ugh.

My over-thinking was starting to become dread.

We were in the bedroom before I realized it. Edward had that effect on everything. He laid me gently on the bed and turned to the nightstand on my right. He pulled out two vanilla and strawberry scented candles and lit them. He left one on that nightstand and walked around to the other side of the bed and placed the second on that one. The beauty of the white room was overwhelming.

_Esme, you're a godsend._

The room was perfectly lit. The waves crashing in the distance. Crickets just outside the window. I could faintly hear Norah Jones' _Come Away with Me_ playing on the stereo. He knew exactly what he was doing. God help me. I had married the most amazing man in the world.

My nerves were eating away at me. I wanted to be able to see the statue of beauty known to me as my husband without actually being seen. I was almost afraid to look Edward in the eyes afterward. As excited as I was, which I knew he could smell…I was scared beyond my mind. What if I couldn't perform? And if I did, what if I was horrible? What if I was so bad, he dared not ever touch me again? Ugh, I was killing myself.

_This is your wedding night, get it together. We are both virgins, how could we both compare either to anything? We'd be wonderful no matter what. Right? _

_GET IT TOGETHER!_

I gently pulled on his towel and let it fall to the floor. I could not believe my eyes. He was so perfect. Every inch of him was perfectly sculpted. I had seen Edward without his shirt in Italy. I had seen the beauty of his body even in the most extraordinary of circumstances; I knew he was a vision. But this was beyond that. Seeing Edward in all his naked glory made my heart skip a few beats. In this moment he seemed to have temporarily paralyzed me. I could not peel my eyes from him. His porcelain skin glimmered even in the candlelight. His perfectly chiseled abs were mouthwatering. They led to the perfect "V", which carried a trail of the same beautiful hair that was on his head down to his cock. Which was quite frankly…freighting. He was so well endowed; I cringed internally for a minute wondering if we should have a doctor on call. His length seemed like he might cause internal bleeding. But I was ready and willing, as long as I was with him.

I smiled up at him and said, "You're beautiful."

He looked at me with those beautiful eyes. They were filled with lust. My husband loved me and wanted me immensely. I was so turned on.

I knew he could smell my arousal. So I rubbed my thighs together trying to diminish it but all it did was the fill the room with my scent as far as I could tell. He inhaled deeply and I swear his erection grew. _My Lord! Help me!_

He slowly laid on the bed beside me and untied my towel, gently pulling it off my body. I trembled with the touch of his fingers though they barely brushed me. He inhaled sharply and I immediately tried to cover up with my hands. Sadness filling my face with the disappointment I was sure he felt. I knew there was nothing graceful about my naked body.

"Bella, don't. Don't ever do that. You are the most beautiful, amazing creature I have ever seen. Please sweetheart, let me look at you. I've wanted nothing more than to see you. I've envisioned this moment so many times and now it's finally here. Please honey; I'm your husband, your partner." He was begging.

I knew I had overacted.

I pulled my hands down to the side of my body.

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you, Isabella. My wife. My love. My singer."

I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Edward, only you would bring Aro's words into our most sacred moment!"

We both giggled as we casually embraced the awkwardness of his remark.

He lowered his lips to mine and kissed me passionately, gently rubbing his tongue along my bottom lip. He pushed his tongue into my mouth and gently messaged it with his for a brief second. Just long enough to make it tingle. Just long enough to upset me for not giving me more. But I had to be realistic. Anytime he ever kissed me without reserve, I was left feeling dazed. I'd forget to breath.

Slowly he kissed down my neck and licked my collar bone. I was in a cold sweat. My sex so moist I could feel it dripping down my thigh. My breathing was becoming louder and more rapid. I felt my goose bumps surfacing. My legs were shaking and I thanked my lucky stars I was not standing up. An injury from collapsing was not how I pictured my wedding night.

I ran my hands from his shoulders down his back to cup his ass and gently stroked his cheeks. A growl rumbled deep in his chest and scared me still. I was in shock. I didn't know if that was a good sign or a threat to not touch him there again. My heart was racing and my jaw clenched tightly. My hands jolted from his body like I'd just been electrocuted.

"Bella? Bella? What is it? Are you hurt? Sweetheart, talk to me?"

"I'm not hurt. Edward, did I do something wrong? Should I not have touched you there?" The tears were forming…

"My silly Bella. What on earth would make you think you did something wrong?" He chuckled as the words came fumbling out.

"You growled!"

"Bella that was purely a sound of pleasure. Believe me!"

I didn't but knew there was no point in arguing. This was going to be the greatest memory of my life; I was making damn sure of it.

I grabbed his face and crashed my lips to his. He kissed me back so feverishly, taking my breath away. My hands glided to the back of his head and tugged on his hair. He let another growl rumble as he took his hands to my breast. Palming them with delicate force.

I wrapped both my legs around his waist and bucked my hips up to him.

"Bella, slow down. We only get one shot at the first time. Let's do this together and meaningfully." My Edward, ever the romantic.

He climbed on top of me bearing his weight on one arm while the other slowly ran up from my hip, over my ribs and up my chest to cup my breast. He lowered his mouth to my peaks and sucked gently. The cold was strangely erotic. I never thought I'd use it to my advantage.

He ran kisses up my collarbone and around my neck. Licking my ear. Stroking my breast, legs and stomach. He was going to be the death of me. I was on the verge of a seizure.

"Oh, Edward."

"Umm, Bella. Your taste…"

He ran more kisses over my body. From the center of my breast down to my navel while running his hands slowly behind on the same trail.

"Bella, may I touch you?" I knew he was referring to my sex.

"Please, Edward. Yes, yes. Please, touch me."

He licked one finger then ran it through my folds before gently pushing them inside me. A wave of slow discomfort washed over me. I had never been touched there. Not by someone other than myself and honestly I was never that daring. I usually just skimmed the surface wondering what it would feel like to have Edward's hands there. Reality was far better than all the fantasies I had ever had of him performing these very actions.

"Oooooooh, Edward."

"Tell me Bella. Tell me how it feels for you."

"Oh, Edward. You are amazing. I've wanted you since the first time we met. Please don't stop." My voice sounded hoarse.

As his fingers pumped in me, he placed kisses randomly across my stomach and chest.

I lowered my hand and placed it over his feeling the rhythm he so eloquently worked. His eyes darted up to me and begged me.

"Come to me." My voice almost a whisper but I knew he'd hear me.

I grabbed his length in my other hand and caressed it. This was after all the first time for both of us. I wanted to please him the way he was doing to me.

"Edward, is this ok?"

"Of course, love."

His body was shaky. Edward had never seemed so human to me in this moment. He appeared nervous and unsure at the same time. I knew he was exercising an immense amount of self control. I wondered if I should stop but his moans and deep breathing told me to keep going.

He looked up at me with the most passionate eyes and I felt myself falling in love with him all over again.

His fingers started tracing my sex from front to back, teasing. I moaned softly to assure him everything was beautiful.

He crept one finger through my folds and pressured my clit while digging in circles.

It set me over the edge. My back arched upward. My hips bucked to him. My toes curled and my hands violently grabbed the bed sheets.

"Uh! Edward! More! Please! More! Faster!" I couldn't believe the words as they fell out of my mouth.

"How is this, Bella?"

"Uh! Oh God!"

One finger pushed inside me while the other continued pleasuring my clit.

"Mmm, Edward…"

Another finger…

"Oh, honey…"

I was floored by the sensation. My body was trembling. I felt cold nerves slowing blazing on fire starting from my toes. As it crept up my body and through my chest I let out a scream and I swore I had peed myself.

"Bella, did you just cum?" I had never heard Edward speak like this before.

"I'm not sure but I feel so wet and light headed."

Edward chuckled and slowly bent his head down to disguise his laughter but then quickly regained his composure and smiled at me; my favorite crocked smile.

He started to bring his face to mine but before he could kiss me, I pushed on his chest with my hands and said "my turn lay down."

I looked him straight in the eye and said, "Edward, you are my world. I love you."

With that I slowly lowered my head to his massive length.

"Bella, no! Don't!"

"Edward, please. Let me love you." I used my begging voice. It always worked.

"Bella, I don't think it's safe. Please, my venom…," now he was begging.

"Edward, please. I want this. Can I have you?" Cheap shot I know, he couldn't deny me anything. He didn't know how. But I really did want it and wasn't taking no for an answer.

"Ugh, you'll be the death of me!" Passion filled his voice.

I smiled from ear to ear and let my head wander back down his body. I slowly licked the moisture which had already seeped out. It tasted like butterscotch. Or honey. I wasn't sure. But it was delicious. I ran my tongue up and down his length reveling in his moans and grunts as they escaped his body. I knew he was teetering on the edge of sanity. He wanted me to take him in. All of him. Despite his argument, I knew Edward. He'd said it before, "I may not be human but I am a man."

I opened my mouth and relaxed my jaw as I took every inch I could in my mouth, while my hands worked the remainder of his length.

"Fuuuuuuuuuck!" I had never head Edward curse. It was mind boggling.

I pulled him out of my mouth and stroked him swiftly.

My courage was growing.

"Do you like that?" I wanted to toy with him.

"No, Bella. I love it."

Lick.

"Edward, are you watching me?"

Lick. Suck.

"Am I what?"

Lick.

"Edward, watch me."

It took everything I had to make myself so confident but I wanted this. I wanted to please him. I wanted to make him happy. I wanted this to be something neither one of us would ever forget.

"Bella, don't talk to me like that. Don't push me. I don't want to lose control." His voice was pained. But I wasn't done.

"Edward, look me in the eye."

As he picked his head up to look at me, I lowered my mouth over him, locked my eyes with his and stroked the rest of his length with my hands.

His eyes were jet black. Not good.

As the consequences I might pay for these actions flooded my mind, I realized I was on the bed alone. I immediately looked around for him.

He was backed into a corner of the bedroom. His hands gripping the wall. His face hard and cold. His body rigid.

sheetrock started to crumble underneath his fingers.

"Edward, I…I"

"Bella, it's ok. That was just a little overwhelming. Please just one minute."

"Edward, I was just...I thought…I mean…". Tears. Again.

He walked back across the room and cupped my cheek as he sat back on the bed.

"Bella, my love. Don't do this to yourself. You are amazing. You were just more than I could take in that moment. Sometimes your confidence overpowers my self-control."

He chuckled as he leaned in and kissed me and I knew we were ok again.

"Lay down, love."

I laid down and let him take charge. I knew he had to be in control over our actions in order to maintain his own composure.

"Edward…"

"Bella, you're so beautiful."

He ran his hands over my breast and rolled my nipples between his fingers. He kissed my stomach and whispered things too low for me to make out. I didn't care. This was our night.

He brought his face back to meet mine. The look in his eyes spoke volumes of how much this all meant to him.

He kissed me with such sweetness and passion. He whispered "I love you" repeatedly between breaks to allow me to breath as he kissed my neck and licked my collar bone.

We were finally here. After everything we had been through together. We were here. On this bed, in this house, on Isle Esme, in the middle of nowhere. This would always be our place now. This was where we were starting our new beginning. Everything before this was just the opening act. This was the beginning of Edward Anthony and Isabella Marie Cullen.

"Bella, if I could dream, it would be about you. I've waited a lifetime to find you. To make you mine. Here we finally are. Honey, are you sure about this? Are you sure about me?"

"Edward, I'm sure. I've always been sure. It's always been you. Even when you…"

I gulped as I realized what I was about to say.

"Even when you left me, it was about you. I've waited my whole life for you. I want you more than anything in the world. Love me." I had never been surer of anything in my life.

"Please tell me if I hurt you. Tell me if you need me to stop." Oh Edward always worried.

"I trust you, Edward. Please, love me."

He dipped his head into my chest and I was immediately aroused by the smell of his hair. The flood of moisture did not go unnoticed. I think that was all the convincing he needed.

He pulled himself to my entrance and rubbed the head of his cock along my folds allowing me time to change my mind if I wanted to, I'm sure. I wasn't budging though.

He pushed his head into me tenderly.

"Uh," was all that came out of me.

I let myself relax. I knew this was only the beginning. The pain would follow quickly.

"This will hurt, love. Please forgive me for hurting you."

I closed my eyes and braced myself. I thought of so many things in this moment. Flashes of our lives together up to this point. I tried to not think about the pain but wanted nothing more than to be drowned in this moment to never forget.

He pushed into me with loving force.

"OOOOOOH!"

"Sweetheart? Are you ok?"

"Oh, Edward. I'm fine. One second, please. Just stay still."

His face was filled with hurt. I tried to smile but knew he could sense my discomfort. I could keep my thoughts from Edward but I could never keep my emotions from him. He could read me like a book.

His lack of body temperature was the one thing keeping my in line. I knew I would be sore tomorrow, but for tonight, his manhood was all I needed and wanted.

"Ok, I'm good. Just needed a second to adjust."

He hesitated but withdrew and thrust into me again. His movements were marvelous, forceful and tender all at the same time. Filled with love and passion.

"Oh Bella!"

"Edward!"

The sensation of my walls circled around his length was engrossing. I felt my body weak yet strong. I was trembling from the cold of his body but I could feel the sweat beads forming on my forehead. And as uncomfortable as it was, I could not pull my hands from stroking his back. I felt afraid to let go of him. Afraid of losing the moment. Afraid of forgetting what his muscle would feel like. Afraid of never feeling as elated as I did in that moment.

His movements were so graceful and I briefly wondered if he'd lied all this time about his virtue. But I also knew better. After everything we had been through after he left me, he'd never lie to me again. I chalked up, what seemed to be great technique to me, as him having done his homework. After all, he could hear everyone's thoughts but mine. I was more than sure he'd heard his fair share of sexual episodes. Memories replaying in people's minds, his family making love under the very roof he also lived under, teenage boy fantasies. I was starting to feel sorry for him when his words broke my mental wandering…

"Bella, I love you. Tell me you love me." He was breathless.

"I love you, Edward. I've always loved you. Uh," I didn't have much left.

"My Bella. My wife. Ugh, fuck. I'm close." I was really enjoying the new foul mouthed Edward.

"I'm yours, Edward. Uh, hmm! Always."

_Any second now._

"I'm so close…Bella…so close…you're so warm. Are you ready?"

_Born ready._

"I'm ready! Yes, I'm ready!"

He clenched his jaw and I could almost swear he bit down on his tongue as he lowered his head in what seemed to me like shame.

I quickly forgot my own name as he slammed into me one last time as we both cried out in with our release. My body trembled underneath his. I was engulfed in ecstasy. My husband had done this to me. My husband. Edward. He had finally made love to me. He had finally let himself go. We tried, and we succeeded. I didn't think it was possible but I was more in love with him than I had ever been before.

He rolled over and ran his fingers down the side of my body. Leaving a trail of fire behind them. I caught his hand at my hip and brought it to my face to kiss his wedding ring. I stared at it for a minute wondering if I would wake up any second. I was more than sure I was dreaming.

I looked over at his face and he still seemed so tense. He wouldn't look at me and I started to wonder if he was already regretting it. He seemed to be concentrating on something but I couldn't tell what it was and felt like it wasn't the time to ask. I told myself I would address it tomorrow morning if it was still on my mind. I wanted to allow myself to at least sleep on it. It could all be in my head.

"Bella, that was wonderful."

"I love you, Edward."

He began to hum my lullaby when I told him so.

He simply replied, "I know. Only a heart as grand as yours could love me. I do not question it. I love you too. Sleep now, my love. We have eternity together."

I did as I was told.

* * *

_**A/N: OK, this was my first attempt at anything really so I hope it wasn't horrible. Please review...I'm dying to know how I did. Please forgive me for any errors, it's later than usual for me and decided to just take the plunge and publish. Review, review, review!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**So here is round two. Thanks to anyone who is giving me the time of day. Again...I own nothing. Thank our lucky stars for SM.**

**Chapter 2 – Making my Peace**

Heat woke me. I had every intention of sleeping in but knew it would be impossible. I was elated. I still could not believe we did it. We made love last night. Edward and I had made love. And we lived to tell about it. Yet, as wonderful as it had been, I knew something was off with Edward last night. I knew something was troubling him. I also knew there was no way he'd tell me. This was to be the happiest time of our forever together. This was the beginning of all the beauty left to come. He'd never bring me down.

I decided the easiest thing to do was just to let it go and hope he'd come around. So naturally I started to pretend that I was just now waking up even though I wasn't fooling him. He would have noticed the difference in my heart rate, breathing pattern, body temperature. I stretched my arm out to touch him.

Empty.

I peeled my eyes open and scanned the bedroom.

Nothing.

"Edward?" My voice still sleepy.

"Yes, Bella?" Sweet velvety voice.

"Where are you?"

A sudden swoosh of air narrowly passed my eyes.

"Right here, sweetheart." Something was off in his voice. His voice was always filled with love but this had an edge to it.

"What were you doing? I didn't see you in here, I was king of worried."

"Just looking out the back patio. Thinking about you and the beautiful night we just shared." He slowly leaned in and kissed my left cheek.

"Hmm. A girl could get use to this. But first…a human moment, if I may." Morning breath.

"Certainly. I'll start breakfast. Omelet sound ok?"

"You're going to make me breakfast?!" I didn't know he could cook.

"You're my wife now. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, Bella. Cooking you breakfast included." He chuckled.

"Oh Edward. Breaking out the big guns aren't you!"

We both laughed as I walked into the bathroom still wrapped in the bed sheets.

As I washed my face, I slowly started to see bruises developing across my shoulders. I dropped the sheet and gasped at the rainbow of colors surfacing on my hips, legs and ribs. I slowly felt across my body to evaluate the extent of damage.

_Ouch!_

Tender. Not bad, would get worse before it got better but I could hide most of it with my clothes. As far as I was concerned they were beautiful reminders of the greatest night of my life. But would Edward feel the same? Damn him and his old fashioned ways.

As I finished up my ritual, I realized I needed clothing. I panicked when I remembered Alice had packed my luggage. _Dammit._ There was no telling what kind of monstrosity laid in that Louis Vuitton collection. All six cases of them.

_Really? Six? How long did she see us staying here?_

That damn pixie.

I started with the largest bag and cursed myself for having panicked at the beauty that now lay before me. A beautiful white summer dress with yellow daffodils printed all over. Only one problem surfaced with my selection…spaghetti straps. I knew I wouldn't be able to hide these bruises from Edward forever but I didn't want to flaunt them in his face the morning after either.

I decided I may as well face the music. Face it head on. What could possibly happen?

As I slowly walked into the kitchen, with my tail between my legs if I had had one, Edward slowly turned from the stove and laid my omelet on my plate.

"Breakfast is serv…" He gasped. Edward never gasped.

"Edward, this looks delicious. Thank you." Plead the fifth. It was all I could do.

"Bella…my goodness. Bella, I'm so sorry. Look at you." Fire in his eyes and venom creeping into his voice.

"What?" _Plead the fifth, plead the fifth._

"Bella! You know damn well what I'm speaking of. Do not undermine me. Did you even see yourself in the mirror?" His voice sounded so fierce it shook me to the core.

"Edward, they are just a couple bruises, they'll heal. Besides, these aren't as bad as the others."

_Oh God. Did I just say that? Foot, meet mouth. Foot, insert in mouth._

"What?!"

Edward walked over to me and ripped my dress right off. I froze as the fear and humiliation overtook me. I had never seen Edward do anything so obscene and assaulting. The battle with James, facing Jane's mental wrath, Victoria's army. Nothing was as vial as what he had just done.

To me.

His wife.

He slowly eyed me starting at my ankles and worked his way up my body till he met my tear filled eyes. I tried to blink them back but all they did was spill over.

"Bella, my God. I'm so sorry. I don't know what got into me. Please forgive me for acting so rash." He grabbed the cloth off the floor of what was once a beautiful summer dress and draped it around my shoulders.

"Bella, please. I'm so sorry. I…it's just…the thought of you hurting killed me. Knowing it was my own fault pushed me over the edge. Please forgive me. Please don't cry anymore." He slowly wiped tears from my face as I regained my composure.

"It's ok. I'm not mad. You just…well…to be perfectly honest, you frightened me. You seemed like such a…well…what I mean is…"

"A monster? Is that what you wanted to say? Because that's exactly what I am! I've never hidden this from you, Bella. I always warned you I could hurt you. Now, do you see why I…"

"Edward, STOP! I will not argue with you on our honeymoon. It is what it is. Let it go. My body will heal. Let's be happy. I'm here. With you. My choice. My friend. My husband."

I slowly cupped his face with my hands and let the words sink into him before I gently kissed his sweet marble lips. I half expected him to pull away from me but he didn't. He kissed me back. Fiercely.

My hands began roving across his chest. His hands crept into my hair and gently tugged.

I sucked on his bottom lip with reckless abandonment while he tugged at my hair pulling my head back and exposing my neck. He trailed kisses across my neck as I slowly lowered my hands down his torso and bucked my hips against his growing bulge.

"I think your breakfast is going to get cold." Passion in his voice.

"Forget breakfast. Take me. Now, Edward. Fuck me." I was amazed at how turned on I was and how sure I sounded even to myself.

"Isabella? Such a mouth on a lady!"

"Edward…please. I need you. Now."

In the blink of an eye we were in the white room again.

He ripped my panties off and threw them to the floor as he laid me on the bed.

He kneeled before my laying body on the bed licked his fingers before bringing them into my already wet entrance. He violently ran circles with his thumb on my clit. His fingers pumped feverishly into me. His body was shaking over mine and although my body was responding wonderfully to his actions, something seemed off.

He pushed my head to face the wall as he planted kisses along my neck stopping briefly at my jugular and sucked on it.

_Heaven!_

I ran my hands up his chest and squeezed his nipples with my fingers before guiding my hands down to his throbbing erection. I took him into my hands and began pumping him as he growled.

"Kiss me, Edward." Sexual tension building even in my voice.

He bent slowly to my face but crashed his lips so strongly into mine it was painful. His fingers pumped rapidly in me and his thumb bruising my clit with his force. The pain was spreading through my body like fever. I wanted nothing more than to cringe into a tiny ball but knew I couldn't. I wanted to tell him he was hurting me but knew it would only lead to the same argument we always had. He was too dangerous for me. He warned me he could hurt me. Yada, yada, yada. I didn't want to hear anymore I told you so's. But I had no choice. The pain was becoming unbearable. I couldn't take it anymore. I dropped his erection from my hands.

"Edward…"

He mistook the strain in my voice as passion and he intensified his movements. His actions were even fiercer than they were before.

_What the hell is he trying to do to me!_

"Bella. Oh, God."

"Edward, please. You're hurting me. Not so much force please."

"Bella, I'm sorry. You do this to me. Do you not know that? This is all for you. You fill me with such intense emotions, it's difficult to control." The sensuality in his voice was painfully familiar. This was Edward from last night. The one I didn't recognize.

"It's ok. Just be gentler." My voice came out weaker and more pathetic than I hoped it would. I wanted him to take me seriously but I didn't want to revert back to the same old "you're human and too fragile" routine.

"Of course." This voice was unfamiliar now. Cunning. Too cunning. He never used this approach with me. This sounded like he was taunting his prey. Mind you I'd never seen him hunt but I've seen movies. I've read books. He seemed like he was trying to get inside my head. Something he knew he couldn't do.

He began pacing himself. Putting the tenderness back in everything. Yet this still wasn't him. Something was still so wrong but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Was he preoccupied? Was he focusing on using tenderness that it was causing him to put some distance between us. My mind was racing with reasons to explain his unorthodox actions. My mind was so distant. I wasn't in this and I needed to be before he realized what was going on with me.

I closed my eyes and remembered running in Voltera toward the clock tower. Screaming Edward's name. Begging him to stop. The look on his face when he realized I was really there with him. The love I felt when he held me in his arms on the way home from Italy on the plane. I was overwhelmed with the beautiful memories we had made together. This was all I needed.

I brought my hands to his face and urged it towards mine. Grazing my tongue along his bottom lip, I asked for an entrance. He didn't oblige but he did make up for it.

He lowered his face to the base of my throat and licked up my neck sending my heart into overdrive. His fingers were working wonders on my throbbing clit. The moisture was overflowing and drenching the bed sheets.

His body hovered over me and he buried his face in my chest while he pumped his fingers into me. First only one, then he slowly slid another in. I could feel him pushing my physical limits. The pain was starting to resurface.

I couldn't have another breakdown. I gently put my hand on his chest and said, "My turn".

He sat up and looked at me puzzled.

I got on all fours and started kissing his knees, working up his thigh, grazing my tongue across his left hip bone. Kisses on his perfectly chiseled abs.

"Uh, Bella."

Up his chest and straight to his left nipple. I sucked on it like I thought it was the antidote! I brought my legs in and placed my weight in my arms as I circled his neck with them to straddle his waist with my legs. I slowly lowered myself over his beautiful shaft.

The sensation was overwhelming. His massive size was definitely pushing my limits but the cold was soothing. My body felt weightless as I slowly guided up and down. Slow grunts escaped his body every time I came down. Each time with slightly more force than before. His hands assaulted every part of my torso as he rapidly picked up the pace and demeanor of strength he used to touch sending violent chills all over. My muscles were contracting and releasing with the force of a thousand gods. My back arched pushing my breast to his face which he dominated with his mouth. His hands still so demanding they felt ravenous. He was insatiable.

For all the pleasure he was bringing me I couldn't shake the feeling that the same thing that was wrong last night, was wrong again tonight. I scoured my brain looking for any hint of what may have gone wrong and all I surfaced with was the physical proof of our night together. Yet, that did not develop till this morning. Last night something was clearly bothering him and preoccupying his mind. I tried valiantly to focus on the things that were beautiful between us until _it _happened.

Steel hands grabbed at my hips violently and pushed my back to the bed. His face was unrecognizable. Edward's face never looked like this.

He looked like…well…a vampire.

I was scared.

Really scared.

He slammed into me repeatedly. Each thrust was more violent than the one before. The first couple ones were intensely arousing but they quickly turned toward painful till I was crying internally. This was not how I pictured things happening. Why was he using such force with me? Was he enjoying this? Or was this still him using the same restraint he had been practicing with for the last couple years?

"Uh, Bella! UH! Feel so good! Ugh! So fucking good! Uh!"

He was oblivious to my silent cries. I had to say something before things got out of hand.

"Bella, oh, I love you so much! I love fucking you! God! UH! Bella!"

My God. He was enjoying this. Did he think I was too?

_This really hurts! Make it stop…_

"Edward…please. Ow. Please! Ow!"

My words either fell on deaf ears or uncaring ears.

"Yes Bella! Just like that! UH! UH! UH!"

"Edward, please. You're hurting me. Please!"

Deaf ears.

Moisture slowly crept down my bottom and I knew he'd pushed my body to its limit. But I wasn't afraid of that. What made me panic was knowing that the blood was creeping down my body.

It didn't go unnoticed.

His eyes shot down to my sex. Then his head snapped up and looked at my face. There was no hiding the fear in it and the tears that were going to fall over any second. He was frozen in his cryptic gaze. My body was trembling from the fear and his temperature. My heart was racing and the pounding of it was so loud I could hear it in my head.

I felt a drop of sweat run down the side of my face. My lips quivered. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion.

The wind seemed to have come to a complete stop outside. There were no crickets chirping outside like last night. There was no beautiful music playing. There was no love in Edward's face.

Just instinct.

Vampire instincts.

It seemed like hours had passes but it was only milliseconds.

His upper lip slowly crept up and his face turned cold. Colder than I'd ever seen it before. The growl in his chest was violent.

The grin on his face was wrong yet intoxicating that I didn't even think to fight it.

I knew what it meant.

So I closed my eyes to silently make my peace with God and said goodbye to everyone I loved, including him.

* * *

**AN: This was really difficult to write. I knew exactly what I wanted from this but had a hard time getting there. Thanks to jerseyhalliwell for being my first alert. I almost peed my pants! I love you already. I hope I will be followed along this journey. I have so many ideas running through my head it's making it hard to concentrate. I really should be working. Don't forget to review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I own nothing…its all SM. I just get to play with the characters…**

**Chapter 3 – The Beginning of the End**

I opened my eyes just in time to see a flash of images run out the room. I was confused and in pain. Excruciating pain if I was being totally honest with myself.

I jumped out of the bed and ran straight to the bathroom locking the door behind me. Like that even mattered. If he wanted in, there was no stopping him.

I turned on the shower and quickly jumped in. I ignored the burning coming from between my legs and let the cold water wash everything away. I tried to evaluate the situation and realized it was really not as bad as I thought.

He had torn me slightly but it almost seemed as though he'd finished tearing my hymen. Made sense. I didn't bleed last night so this was the only logical explanation.

I took a very thorough shower. I scrubbed everything so hard my skin was bright red. I knew I wasn't that dirty. It's not like I had rolled in mud. I was just putting off the inevitable. I wasn't ready to face him. He had come so close to losing control and I didn't know if I had pushed him to it. So many warnings he had given me. So many times. But I trusted him. I had always trusted him. With everything I had including my body. I couldn't have foreseen his reaction. Neither could he. This wasn't so bad.

Was it?

I turned the water off and dried myself off before draping the bathrobe over my shoulders. I had no idea what to expect. As much as I knew we needed to talk and I wanted to settle it, I was scared. Scared of the didn't know, scared of what I knew.

I flooded my mind with positive memories of me and Edward. Anything to calm me down. Anything to ease what I knew was coming. This was either going to break us or bring us closer together.

Nothing was working. I was slowly spiraling out of control. My panic was starting to spread from my mind to my heart causing an immense pain I remembered all too clearly. The same ache from when he left me, emotionally dead in that forest. He was going to leave me. I knew it. I had tried to convince myself so many times that he never would. I'd even told him I knew he would never hurt me like that again. I was wrong. So wrong.

_Where the hell is he? Why hasn't he come to check on me? To see if I'm ok…Oh no! He's already gone! NO! Not again…_

The tears were gushing down my face, out of control. My breathing was erratic as I ran out the door into the living room screaming his name.

"Edward! Edward! Please don't leave me!"

My body shook violently as I entered the living room and hit the invisible brick wall between us. He was crouched by the front door holding his knees to his face. His head buried deep in them. All I could see was the hairline on his forehead. That beautiful bronze hair in a disarray of angles.

"Edward? Are you ok?" My voice was shaky but the panic gone.

He said nothing.

"Edward, please talk to me."

"Bella…I can't. You're still bleeding. Please, for your own good. Leave me alone."

I cracked my robe open and found a thin stream of blood running down my thigh.

_SHIT!_

"Edward, I'm fine. Really it's drying. Look." I pointed at my thigh as I spoke.

In less than a blink of an eye he was in my face grabbing my wrist, cutting off blood circulation to my hands and bruising me in the process.

"I warned you. I told you many times this could turn out bad. And you blew it off. You told me how you trusted me, trusted us and look where it got us." He was grinding his teeth as he spoke but his tone, in spite of how much venom was in it, it was not enough to squash the pain circulating in my arm.

"Edward, please. Let me go."

"I told you. Why don't you ever listen to me?!"

"LET ME GO! YOU'RE HURTING ME!"

He dropped my wrist and crushed himself to me.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. This is all too much. It's too hard controlling myself with you. I feel…I feel like I'm having an out of body experience when I'm with you. I imagined us being together so many times but never thought the beauty of your body or the warmth of your naked embrace would intoxicate me. It's like I have no control over all my senses. They just take over. It all happens so quickly it doesn't even register in my mind. Please forgive me. Please say you believe me when I say I won't hurt you again. Please…"

"Of course I believe you. And I forgive you. But tell me how to help you. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I thought…Edward…I'm lost here. I've never done this before and I don't know what your limits are. I want to help you but I need some guidance. Can you give me that?" I wasn't sure if he even knew what would help at this point.

"I don't know. But I think it's best for both of us of we refrain from making love. At least till I get a better handle on all of this. I can't hurt you anymore."

This was not open for discussion…that much I was sure of.

***************************

Days passed without discussion of what had happened or physical contact with each other beyond kissing. We were back at square one. My bruises had all healed. But the agonizing feeling of rejection haunted every breath I took.

Edward of course filled the day with countless activities. Snorkeling, swimming, sailing, dolphin watching, you name it. He booked it for us. I enjoyed everything we did together but I couldn't ignore the distance gradually growing between us. I felt like I was dying inside but could not bring myself to do anything about it. I felt like he needed to make the first move. He needed to show me what was acceptable and lead the way. I couldn't trust myself to come on to him. I was pent up with sexual tension from every time I saw his half naked body swimming in the ocean. The way the water dripped down his heavenly chest, down his abs and slipped underneath the waistband of his swim trunks. I would mentally picture it running down his happy trail and straight to his cock.

I constantly yelled at myself mentally to stop it and take a cold shower. Which I did. Frequently. I blamed it all on the heat of this place.

A week after our arrival I was rummaging through the refrigerator looking for something to eat while Edward hunted. He had been hunting every day since "The Incident" as I know called it. I was bent over looking for a stick of butter I knew I had seen the day before when I felt a cold hand slip up my backside underneath my dress.

I nearly jumped through the roof dropping the butter I had finally found.

"Edward! My God. Don't do that!"

"I'm sorry, love. You are far too tempting. Making lunch?" A sly smile played on his beautiful face.

"UGH!" I rolled my eyes as I picked up my butter.

"What's wrong?"

I snapped.

"What's wrong?! What's wrong?! I'll tell you what's wrong." I was fuming and could feel the burning in my cheeks like someone had lit my face on fire.

"I have waited patiently for something…anything to happen with us. I have cursed myself for imaging us in the most compromising positions, daydreamed of you touching me, begging with my eyes for you to want me and then you casually stroll in here and slip your hand up my dress and tell me that _I'm_ too tempting! You're a jerk!"

I stomped out of the kitchen filled with rage. How dare he make me seem like the villain. Ok, so maybe I was overreacting but to hell with him. _He_ told me, no sex. He felt like he was the problem. I won't lie and say I needed a few days to physically recover but I never gave him any reason to think I did not want him.

_The nerve._

He gave me a few minutes to calm down before he came strolling into the white room.

"Bella, are you alright?" This Edward I knew.

"Yes. I'm ok. I'm sorry I overacted back there. But you have to understand…this has been my dream. To be with you. To be near you, to touch you, to make love to you and then all this...this..._shit_ happened and it caused that rift between us. I did everything I thought I could by respecting your space. I knew I had to let you come to me and allow you to take control over the physical aspect of _us, _and I know you meant what you said as a compliment but it just wasn't the right thing to say. Right now I need more than anything to feel your love as well as hear it. I need the sweet caring gentleman. I need the man I married."

I wasn't sure if what I said even made sense to him but it was the only way I knew how to explain myself. Those first two days had been so challenging. I knew they would be but I underestimated the control Edward's instincts had over him. But it also wasn't his fault I couldn't hold what he was against him anymore than he could hold being human against me.

My mind and heart wear exhausted having over-thought everything. I could only imagine what my ranting had done to him.

I rubbed my eyes in an attempt to hide my face from him as he walked over to me on the bed.

"I know, love. I know how you must feel. I've been fighting the same battle it seems. I thought I needed to wait for you. I thought it was you who needed the space; the distractions. I only wanted to make you more comfortable. Not push you away. I'm sorry. I should have come to you with my concerns."

I knew better than to look into his eyes while he talked. They were mesmerizing. Him and his dazzling ways. But I did it anyway.

"Kiss me, Edward. Kiss me and mean it."

"I'd love nothing more."

**********************************************

We made love the rest of the afternoon. Edward was so caring and gentle in everything he did. "The Incident" was almost forgotten. We spent the evening around a small fire on the beach. We roasted marshmallows, Edward watched me eat them with pure disgust.

"I don't know how that is even remotely appetizing." He practically spat the words at me.

"Hey! Don't knock it till you try it."

_ZZZZZZZ_

His phone was buzzing in his pocket. I had just realized we had not heard from the family the whole time we had been here.

ZZZZZZZ

"Edward, your phone is ringing."

"I know. It's Alice." He never blew her off what was he trying to prove.

"Aren't you going to answer it?"

"No. I don't feel like being interrupted. I have too many things on my mind. Besides tonight is about us." He flashed that beautiful crocked smile.

"Really? What exactly is on your mind?" I tried to sound sensual but it came out shaky and uncertain.

ZZZZZZZZ

That damn phone again. "Edward, she won't stop. Just answer. Please, it's a little annoying."

"I'd rather not. I'd rather concentrate on you."

"Mmmmmm, I like the sound of that. But really, she wouldn't be calling if it wasn't important."

ZZZZZZZZZZZ

"Will it make you happy if I do?" _I win!_

"It's not about making me happy, it's about getting the distraction out of the way."

ZZZZZZZZZZZ

He flipped the phone open with great force. "What, Alice?"

I tried to give him some privacy by acting like I was inspecting my marshmallow but his voice was too fierce to ignore.

"No, Alice. I don't want to hear…I don't care what you saw…don't call again…I'm with Bella. Nothing happening outside of that concerns me."

He clicked the phone shut and removed the battery.

"Now, where were we?"

"I think you were about to kiss me. Actually, scratch that. I _know_ you were about to kiss me." I knew exactly what he had on his mind.

He leaned over to me on his hands and knees and said, "How 'bout we take this inside?"

"I think that's a wonderful idea." I was already moist just listening to him talk.

We walked hand in hand back to the house. Fire and ice. I wanted to ask what Alice saw but knew he never actually gave her to opportunity to say. I could not imagine what could have been so important she had to disturb us on our honeymoon. Knowing Alice though, she might have foreseem me wearing something hideous in her eyes and was preparing to intercept the hasty decision.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"I love you."

He quickly laid me down after we walked into the bedroom.

"As I do, you."

He laid on top of me careful to keep his weight off of me by placing it entirely in his arms. He ran sweet kisses from my earlobe down my neck before reaching my collarbone and gliding his tongue gently across it.

His cold hands reached for the thin bow on my shoulders made of the straps on my dress and tugged on it releasing it from my body. He yanked on the hem of it pulling it down while slowly kissing down my arms and hips as they were released.

"Edward, I'm so in love with you."

"Sweetheart, I'm so in love with you."

The scene was perfect again. Waves crashing in the distance, wildlife living carefree in the jungle, moon creeping into the room through the patio doors ever so lightly. Edward's iPod silently ringing in Katie Metula's version of Just like Heaven. This setting was even more soothing then our first night here. This was how it should be have been. I don't know if he had planned it all out, but it worked for me. I was all in.

He sat up on his knees as I pushed my hips up for him to remove my panties. He pulled them to his lips and licked the crotch which was completely soaked with my juices. I was slightly embarrassed but watching him do it was so captivating.

"You taste delicious."

"If you like that, you'll love this."

I lowered my hand to my center, sliding two fingers through my folds before plunging them into my sex. I slowly pulled them out and inserted them into Edward's mouth.

The venom had pulled into his mouth and I could feel it citcling over my skin sending a tingling feeling all over my hand.

"Mmmmmm. That is lovely," he said as I slowly released my fingers from his mouth.

I crashed my lips to his and held nothing back. Watching him do that had pushed me over the edge.

"Bella, calm down! We have all night. Let's take it slow."

"I don't want to take it slow. I want my husband."

I grabbed his hand and shoved two of his fingers inside me.

"I want you. I want you now." I used every ounce of energy I had to sound demanding.

"Lay down. There's something I've always wanted to try."

He removed his finger from inside me as I laid back down and wondered what he was talking about. He must have seen the confused look on my face.

"Trust me." He chuckled.

"I always have."

With that he lowered his mouth to my sex and generously licked it setting me on fire.

My hips bucked up to him while I caged my mouth shut with my hands. My heart was racing and my breathing was already out of control.

"I take it you liked that?" _That sly little devil!_

"Uh, huh. Mmmmmm. More Edward. Please!"

I had never imagined us reaching this level so soon. Not until after I had been changed. I didn't think we were equals yet and knew we could not fully embrace each other until I was. But this worked!

He pushed his tongue further into me. The tingling was surfacing from his venom touching my skin. He began flicking my clit with his tongue. But he was nowhere near being done.

He brought two fingers to my entrance and pushed in while his tongue flicked my clit with just enough force to get me close to the edge but never pushing me over.

I grabbed his beautiful hair and tugged on it with enough force to know it should have hurt a human but was glad he was not. I needed stability. My body was raging with emotions. Raw nerves were becoming unhinged. My body was starting to shake. Sweat was running down my forehead.

"Oh, God! Edward! Oh!" I was not going to last much longer.

"Give me everything you've got Bella. Cum for me!"

"Yes! Edward, I'm….going…to…AHHHHHH!"

He peeked up from my center and flashed that crocked smile at me. He was so pleased with himself.

He worked his way up my body and showered my breasts with innocent kisses while I caught my breath. Which really wasn't helping. I was trying to come down from my high and all he was doing was feeding my addiction.

"I could stay like this forever…" the words left my mouth before I even realized I had thought them up.

"Me too, love. Me too."

"Sweetie?"

"Yes, dear?" He was so sweet. I was falling even more in love with him.

"I'm not done."

His smile was full of guilt which I'm sure mine was as well.

"Me either."

I jumped straight into his lap and assaulted him with my mouth. He may have made love to me all afternoon and worshipped my body just a few minutes ago but now…now I wanted nothing more than unadulterated, meaningless sex. I wanted just the physical. To be perfectly honest, I just wanted crazy, horny, shove me up against the wall and penetrate me sex. I would later regret that.

"Bella, lucky for you…vampires don't have problems keeping erections or getting them back up."

"I knew there was a reason I loved you so much."

We both laughed hysterically at our comments right before I took the bull by the horns.

I slammed my body down on his fully erect cock. I was so moist he just slipped right in without hesitation. I rode him and assaulted his body with my hands. I kissed him with meaningless passion. I yelled obscenities on account of the sexual pleasure pulsing through me. But he never said anything. He never uttered a word. Just let it happen. If fact, he wasn't really looking at me at all.

His body was becoming so still it was getting in the way of my actions. He seemed to be getting colder, which I didn't think was possible. His grip on me around my waist was becoming tighter.

I forced his face upward to look at me. I grabbed one of his arms and forced his hand to message my breast.

"Edward, where are you?" My voice a little irritated.

"Right here. I'm right here."

"Then what's wrong. You're so still and you seem so distant." I was getting really tired of this.

"I'm just trying to stay in control. Nothing's wrong. I promise." His voice was so low it was almost a challenge to make out his words

"Then cut your shit out and fuck me!" I was developing some major f-word problems.

His hands shot down to my ass and used them to carry the weight of my body up and down his shaft. I knew more bruises were developing but this was exactly what I wanted.

The speeds of his actions were increasing and causing my orgasm to build faster than the profanities could escape my mouth.

I lunged my head forward and drenched his mouth with mine. Our kissing was so violent and wrapped up in our actions I did not realize he had let my tongue slip into his mouth.

Out tongues were so intertwined and moving of their own will that I never realized he had sliced mine with his teeth.

I came up for air just in time to see his eyes glaze over to jet black. The brilliant amber they usually were…gone.

I knew now what Alice had seen. What she had tried to warn him about. What he had ignored. Actions, even I would regret.

There wasn't another moment to think because as I registered what was happening; he threw his head forward and plunged his teeth into my neck.

* * *

**AN: HA! A little cliffy there huh! What do you guys think so far? I was so excited with the postive results I was getting I couldn't help myself. I literrally accomplished nothing at work today. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I love working for the VP...nobody to keep an eye on me! Feed my addiction...tell me how I did. Where do you see this going? I'd love to hear all your thoughts.** **Now quite reading my note and go review :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for coming back…I don't own anything. It's all SM…**

* * *

**Chapter 4 – Arrival of the Cavalry**

**EPOV**

_Warmth._

_Sweet._

_Strawberries._

_Blood._

_Human blood._

_Bella's blood._

It took exactly three gulps of Bella's blood gulping down my throat till I heard the faint beating of her heart.

I was killing her.

The love of my life was about to slip away from me. I had only one choice. Let her change happen. I had only seconds to act. There was no time to think about where I had gone wrong.

I frantically licked her wound closed. I dug my teeth into each wrist, letting the venom flood her blood stream. Then her ankles. I had to be sure. In a perfect world, I would have done this differently. I would have drugged her up to curb the pain. But she did not live a perfect world. The odds had been against her since the day she came to Forks. Now my beloved lay before me turning to the monster I had damned her to. The pain would kill her. It would kill me to hear her screams. I wanted nothing more than to take my own life.

I did the only thing I could do. I made her as comfortable as possible and silently cried tears that would never come as her burning began. I listened to her heart slowly die. I tried to remember her blush, her temperature, her clumsiness. Anything and everything about her human life, because it was all ending before my very eyes.

_Alice!_

She had seen this. This was why she had called. She knew. She tried to warn me. But I ignored her. My sister, Bella's best friend had tried to warn me but I was too selfish to give her the time of day.

I quickly dressed and ran to find my phone.

_Where the hell is it?_ I had it in my pocket out by the…fire.

_SHIT!_

I ran back to the white room and whispered in her ear.

"Bella, I'll be gone for just a second. I'll be back before you can even realize I've left. I need to get my phone. I need to call Carlisle and Alice. I'm so sorry Bella. I'll spend the rest of my life making up for this. I promise. Don't worry I'll be right back." You could hear the tears in my voice but you would never see them on my face…or Bella's. She would never shed another tear…

I was out the door and back dialing Alice in less than two seconds.

_I'm bringing sexy back_

_them motherfuckers don't know how to act_

_girl let me make up for the things you lack_

_cause you're burning up I gotta get it fast_

Alice and her damn ring tones…come on voicemail.

_Where the hell is she? _

Wouldn't she have seen me calling?

_It's just that no one makes me feel this way_

_Take them to the chorus_

_I HATE THIS SONG…_

_Alice, pick up…please…_

"Edward, we know. I saw it all. Carlisle, Emmett and I are headed there now. We have a stop in Houston but we'll be in Rio by noon tomorrow. Jasper called some friends in the Lone Star state and we have a private jet on the runway now. I don't know what's going to happen. I can't see Bella anymore. We love you, please don't panic. I'll call you as soon as we're on a boat in Rio." Her message was full of panic. The next twelve hours would be the longest of my life.

**************************************

It had been eleven hours and twenty two minutes when the phone rang.

"Edward, we're getting on Paulo's boat now. We'll be there in less than an hour. How is she?" I couldn't answer her. I didn't know how.

"I'm really not sure. She hasn't screamed once. She hasn't said a word. She hasn't even moved but I can still her heart. It almost seems like it's happening too slow. What can you see?"

There was a heavy sigh on the other end of the line.

"Nothing still. I don't know why but I can't see her anymore. The minute you bit her, she was gone. Neither Carlisle nor I can make anything of it."

"Alice, tell Paulo to make it fast. I don't know how much more I can take."

I sat there still in my swim trunks. The world seemed to have come to a complete stand still. I wasn't sure what was happening to Bella but I continued to whisper words of love to her.

They were all true but sounded like lies after what I had put her through. This was all starting to feel like a huge mistake. Why had I been so selfish? Since the day I met her, I had not made a single choice that was right for her. I continued to put her life in danger, forced her to turn her back on the only life she had ever known just to spend time with me…and look what it cost her.

I bit her.

I damned her.

While we made love…

What can of man was I?

Who would hurt the person they loved more than life itself while they were expressing the deep seeded love they both shared?

How would she feel when she woke up? Would she remember how she had gotten here? Would she remember me…what I did to her…how I had treated her over the first week of being here…how vial my behavior was…

Her heart rate still seemed too loud to me. It should have been fading by now. That's how it was for Esme, Rosalie and Emmett. What was going on with her?

I beat my hands down to the floor smashing the floor boards in the process.

"You're going to fix that once this is all over." Emmett had snuck up on me.

"What?" How in the world had he managed to sneak up on me?

"I said; you're going to fix that once this is all over." I could hear the anger in his voice.

"Son, please tell me what happened?" Carlisle's voice was quite the opposite of Emmett's. Full of concern and unjudgmental.

"I don't know. We were…we were…"

"Making love? Yes, we know that much." He just wanted me to get to the point.

"Yes, making love. We were kissing so intensely, I'm not sure how it happened. All I knew was one second I was in a euphoric state and the next I know, I've sliced her tongue with my teeth and her blood trickled down my throat…"

"Oh my!" Alice gasped.

"I couldn't control myself. She was the sweetest wine, the most floral scent, joy, pleasure, pain, so many things mixed together. And I snapped. My instincts took over and I lunged straight for her neck. I know she registered what was happening. I could see the pain in her eyes. She looked…almost like she felt I had betrayed her. I can't explain it. I should have known. I should have seen this coming. My actions the first couple times we were together were just criminal. I…"

"Edward, I told you it would be difficult but no one could have anticipated this. You did not kill her so there is no reason to beat yourself up. Maybe this is not the way we would have all planned it but it's happening nonetheless. She wanted this life. She made no secret of it. Now we wait."

I heard his voice but I also realized I couldn't hear his thoughts. Surely he had to be thinking of something.

"Carlisle, this was not the first incident. Last week I made her bleed with the force and strength of my body. I panicked when I smelled her and tried to flee but ultimately I just his in a corner and cursed myself for having been so careless. Then, you know Bella, anything to make everyone but herself happy, she comes to comfort _me. _And I basically assaulted her. I grabbed hold of her and bruised her and caused her so much pain, she yelled at me. I've had so many signs that this was getting worse and I chose to ignore them. Then when Alice called, I didn't care. All I wanted was her and look what happened."

In that moment, I internally begged someone to take my life. To end my pain. I was an animal.

"Edward, she's going to be ok. She's not dead. You didn't kill her. You _saved_ her." I had never heard my brother sound so sincere.

"Alice, how much longer?" I needed to know. The suspense was killing me.

Alice's eyes flickered to Emmett's, who instantly snapped to Carlisle's.

"What? What is it?"

"What do you mean what is it?" Alice's voice was so confused.

"What are you not telling me?" I didn't understand either.

We all gazed at each other in confusion.

"Son, can you not hear it in our heads?"

"Hear what? Will someone please tell me what the _fuck_ is going on?"

I was irate. Why the hell weren't they telling me? Wait…

What did he mean, can I not hear it?

"What did you say?" I looked deep into Carlisle's eyes.

"Edward, what am I thinking?"

I focused solely on my father…

Nothing.

"I can't hear anything. Carlisle…say something…in your head…anything."

Nothing still.

I jumped to my feet and begged Alice and Emmett to think of something in their minds.

I couldn't hear anything.

"Alice, what's going on?"

She looked at the floor and held still for just a second before her heavy sigh indicated she couldn't keep it from me anymore.

"We're not sure. The vision of you biting her came to me out of nowhere and as soon as I saw your teeth sink into her…they were all gone." Alice sounded ashamed of herself.

"They? What do you mean 'they'?" I still wasn't following them.

"Bella, Charlie and Renee. They all disappeared from my sight. I don't understand. They're gone and I can't for the life of me pick them back up. It's not like with Jacob or the other wolves. With them there was buzzing, snow on the TV screen if you will but there was something. Now…I can't see Bella, Charlie or Renee at all. It's like they have vanished into thin air."

"What about me? Can you still see me?" None of this was making sense.

"Give me a second…" She closed her eyes and focused deeply.

"Make a decision on something Edward. I can't see anything."

I decided to buy Bella Ferrari 575 as soon as we got back home.

"Edward, make a decision! What are you hard of hearing? I can't see anything until you do!" She was shaking.

"Alice, I did." I still didn't get it.

"Wait a minute…Edward; you can't hear any of our thoughts right now. Is that right?" What was Emmett getting at?

"That's right. I can't hear anything."

"Alice, you can't see anything with Edward?"

"No." She hung her head in shame.

"What about with me or Carlisle?"

_Oh no…_

She closed her eyes again and stilled herself.

"Oh my God! No, I can't see anything with either of you!"

"Emmett, son, what are you getting at?" I already knew and I think so did my father.

"Let's all take a walk outside."

"I won't' leave her, Emmett! What if she needs me?" My voice grew angry by the frustration I was feeling of what was about to be acknowledged.

"Edward, I doubt Bella will even notice. We won't be but thirty feet from her. Please. I think we all need to talk."

We walked outside when it all hit me.

_I should have seen this coming. I should have suspected when Edward first realized he couldn't hear her…_

_I can't believe none of them see what's happening here…they all think I'm too stupid…I miss Rosie._

_My best friend. She's my best friend. I should have tried harder…_

"SHUT UP! STOP! JUST SHUT UP!"

"Son, what is it?" Why did my father's voice always sound so caring?

"Emmett's right. I know what's wrong. I know because I can hear you all again."

"She won't want the 575. OH MY GOD! Edward! I saw you. I saw your disappointed face as you walked back in the garage. You were mumbling how you didn't understand. There was so much to love about the car. Oh my God! I saw it! I saw it!" She was jumping up and down again.

"She is one powerful vampire." Emmett's words never rang so true before.

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About three hours and thousands of web pages and phone calls to old friends for answers on what was happening to Bella, things got even worse…

ZZZZZZ

"Carlisle, I think that's your phone." My father seemed to be in some kind of trance.

"Oh! Excuse me, it's your mother."

He got up and walked to the back door. I'm not sure if he was looking for privacy or just trying to stretch his legs but when he came back, he caught us all off guard.

"That was Esme. It's about Charlie."

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**AN: This is really exciting I'm making friends everyday! I love you all. So much that I'm staying up till 1 AM every night writing now, skipping dinner and just plain old ignoring my husband. Ignoring him is not unusal but make it worth it for me...REVIEW!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for coming back...I don't own anything…**

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**Chapter 5 – Pain is Weakness Leaving the Body**

"What about Charlie?!"

I was on my feet and questioning without even the thought to do it. My body seemed to be moving of its own accord as I slowly approached Carlisle. His face was alarming.

They all stared at me as if they had seen a ghost. I wasn't sure what was happening.

"How did you do that?" Alice was the first to speak.

"How did I do what?" I didn't understand. What had I done?

"How…I…" Carlisle seemed just as confused as the rest of them.

"Bella?" Edward was on his feet.

"What?"

"Love, are you ok?"

"I'm fine. What about Charlie?" Why was he asking if I was ok?

"Holy shit." Emmett's words were the last thing I heard before I collapsed to the floor.

There was pounding…terrible pounding in my head. The pain was excruciating. I immediately brought my hands to the side of my head and screamed for everyone to shut up. I could hear them all and it seemed like they were all screeching at the top of their lungs. It seemed like hours had passed with all the chaos.

"STOP! PLEASE! EVERYONE STOP! STOP YELLING! PLEASE! SHUT UP!"

And just like that…it was all quiet again.

Four sets of vampire eyes were on me.

"Bella, sweetheart…are you ok? Tell us what happened. What did you hear?" Carlisle took my hand in his and rubbed it in the most soothing way.

"I heard you all. Why was everyone so loud? Why were you all yelling at me? What did I do? Is everyone mad at me?" I felt like crying but tears never came.

_This is too freaky. What the hell's up with her?_

"What's too freaky?" What was Emmett talking about?

"What do you mean love?" Edward's velvet voice.

"Emmett. He said this is too freaky. What the hell's up with her?"

We all snapped to Emmett.

"Bella, I didn't say anything…"

"Yes, you did. I heard you. I heard you say, 'this is too freaky, what the hell's up with her.' I heard you Em. I heard you." I was growing aggravated.

"Little sis, I didn't say anything. I thought it, but I didn't say it out loud."

Edward and Carlisle both gasped.

"Bella, all that aside…how do you feel?" Alice's voice broke my concentration.

"I feel fine. I've got a slight headache and I feel a little dazed but good. Why do you ask?"

"Bella," Carlisle's doctor voice surfaced, "do you remember what happened?"

"Do I remem-". Shit. I remembered now.

I took in a deep breath. A breath which seemed extremely unnecessary and I spoke the truth.

"Edward and I were making love. He sliced my tongue before I realized what had happened. His eyes…they…they spoke volumes. I knew this was it. I had finally pushed him further than he could control. I wasn't thinking. I just wanted to be with him. I'm sorry, Edward. I'm so sorry."

Edward rushed to me at his vampire speed.

"Bella, this is not your fault. This is my fault. I did this to you. I lost control. I let things go further than they should have. You did nothing. You have never done anything wrong. This was all me. They way it always has been. I put you in danger. I hurt you. I damned you. I am sorry. So sorry. More than you will ever know." His voice faded off into the wind as he turned his gaze to the back patio.

"Bella, there really is no time for all the discussion. There is something you need to know…" I heard Carlisle's words and turned to him.

_How do I tell her this? How do I tell my daughter, her father is dying?_

"Where's Charlie! Where is he!"

I grabbed Carlisle's shirt and shoved him against the wall. The wall came crumbling down around us both. I felt a tingling sensation pooling in my mouth. My body was rigid. I spat my words at him again.

"Where is he!"

It took all three of them; Edward, Alice and Emmett, to pull me off of him.

"Bella, he was on his way to pick up Billy. They were going fishing. He stopped to gas up before heading to La Push. There was…there was a young man inside. He was very angry. He had a gun. The overnight cashier, she…tried to be brave. She tried to stand her ground. The robber was extremely agitated by her courage. When Charlie walked in to pay, he caught the robber off guard. "

"No." My voice was even lower than a whisper.

"Charlie took two bullets. One in his left arm, one in left lung. They don't know how long he has."

"We have to leave. Right now! I need to see him."

I was on my feet and in the white room packing our things before anyone could even tell what I was doing.

"Bella that is not an option. You are a newborn vampire. We cannot just unleash you to the world. There is much you need to learn. You haven't even fed. Surely you must be thirsty?" Edward's words registered in my mind but I didn't care about anything he had to say.

I continued packing our things. My father was in trouble. On his death bed. Thousands of miles away. I was not concerned with feeding or learning. I had to get to him.

"Edward, listen to me very closely. This is MY father. He is on HIS death bed. If I wanted your opinion I'd ask for it." It took every ounce of energy I had not to throw him through the wall.

"Bella, please be rational. You cannot simply jump on a plane, filled with humans and head to a hospital which will reek of blood. Please think of the consequences for your actions if you choose to take this path." I knew he didn't mean it the way I took it, but I was going to let him have it anyway.

"Consequences? You think _I_ should think of the consequences of the actions _I_ want to take? Did you think of them before you plunged your teeth through my neck? How _DARE_ you!" My words felt so vial but this was my father. Not his. This was his fault. Not mine.

"Bella, let's not lose our heads. Sweetheart, are you not thirsty? Is your throat not on fire?" I didn't dare look at Carlisle. I was too busy throwing daggers with my eyes to Edward who had now bowed his head in shame.

"Not in the slightest actually. That's unusual isn't it? What do you think that means?" It was unusual, even I knew that.

"I'm not sure honey. But we are going to charter a private plane back. I think between the four of us we can restrain you if need be. You are very strong there is no doubt about that but we will try our damndest. Edward?"

"Yes?" His voice so low.

"Please call your mother. She is at the hospital with Billy and Jacob. Let them know we'll be there tomorrow afternoon. Alice, have Jasper call Million Air, let them know we are on the way. I'm glad we had them on call. We owe Peter and Charlotte tremendously. Emmett, grab the luggage. I'll walk Bella to the dock and wait for Paulo."

Everyone parted to their respective corners to take care of their appointed tasks as Carlisle and I walked out the door. I figured there were a few things he wanted to discuss with me. Right now didn't feel like the time but I couldn't say no to him. He seemed to be the only one on my side. Trying to understand me.

"Carlisle, I can feel the differences in me. I know I am not like you guys at all. May I share something with you?"

"Absolutely. What's on your mind?"

"When I was…when I was changing…I could hear everything going on around me. I even felt when you three arrived. I smelled you all. But that is not what is shocking to me. What I don't understand is…I never felt the burning. My body felt heavy and immobile but I felt the opposite of burn. In fact, I felt nothing but ice cold and when I woke up and I screamed at everyone…I screamed because I heard all of your thoughts. They were in my head. All of you and it felt like my head was going to explode."

"Honey, there are a few things I have observed over the course of the last twenty-four hours. One, you woke up far too early. You should have been out at least two more days. Two, you have captured everything about all of us. All of our gifts. I'm not sure how you are doing it but I think after some time we are going to see that not only can you take them but you can "borrow" them if you will. I think we have the ability to "copy" our quirks. I don't think it's necessary to steal them but we can address those things later. Third, your heart only stopped beating the minute you opened your eyes. It should have slowed over the course of the three days you never took. I've never seen anything like it. And lastly, you have no scent. I'm not sure what that means either. I noticed the minute I walked in the door. All I could smell was Edward. You are a true prodigy. Bella, you are one of a kind. You were an amazing human and are making an exceptional vampire."

"I have no scent? How is that possible?"

"I'm not sure. But I must say all that aside…your beauty is breathtaking."

I stopped dead in my tracts. It was dark out but my vampire eyes did not need light to note the changes in me. My arms were toned. My breast seemed a whole cup size larger. I ran my hands through my hair and it felt as silky as Edwards had always felt to me. My thighs were so defined, they were almost ripping the jeans that, someone had put on me. And every step I look felt like I was walking on water. I wondered what my face looked like.

"Paulo is on his way. I just spoke to him." Alice's voice broke my mental amazement.

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Carlisle had apparently booked the extremely luxurious jet for the entire trip to Seattle. I didn't say one word to Edward. I didn't say a single word to anybody for that matter. They all spoke around me and about me but I never acknowledged them. I had too many things running through my head. Most importantly though I was wondering how in the world I was going to walk into that hospital. I knew the minute I arrived Jacob and Billy would know what I was. This would break the treaty. This would begin the war.

We all stood up as soon as the jet came to a halt. Carlisle stood in front and turned to all of us before the door was open.

"My children, I don't believe we have anything to worry about. I know for a fact Bella is very much in control of herself. There are things about her I cannot explain yet but are going to work in our favor. I know you are all worried about what us arriving in Forks will mean. Edward, I want you to do me a favor."

Everyone's face was puzzled except mine.

"Take in a deep breath and tell me what you smell."

"Carlisle, I don't understand."

I did.

"Son, please. Trust me."

Edward pulled in a deep breath through his nose after he closed his eyes.

"I smell the richness of the leather. Macadamia nuts in the mini-fridge. Athlete's foot on the pilot. The Cheesecake Factory a few miles away, Alice, Emmett, you, the jet fuel running through the lines as they refill, the…"

"Stop right there. Do you see what you missed?"

I knew none of this was making sense to them. I turned to Edward and put my hands on both sides of his face.

"Edward, open your eyes. Take a good look at me, then take a deep breath."

"Bella, I don't understand."

"Just do it."

Edward, Alice and Emmett all gasped together.

"Bella, you have no scent. How is that possible?"

Carlisle answered for me.

"We're not sure. But this will work for us. If we can't smell our own kind, how will the wolves be able to? They'll smell us but they won't smell Bella. Obviously there are physical changes in her…" Carlisle waived his hand over my body as Emmett thought, "shit yeah there is" to himself.

"…but they are just that' physical. They won't think anything of it. There won't be any reason to question her appearance. This will keep us safe for now. I think we should all…"

Carlisle continued to talk as my body froze in place. My eyes closed of their own accord. My brain seemed to be whirling in circles. When it came to a stop I saw myself.

I was hovered over Charlie's hospital bed. Crying tears that would never come. Carlisle was holding Esme in the corner of the room; Emmett was holding Rosalie just outside the door. Edward's hands were rubbing my back. Jasper rocking Alice who had hear head buried in his chest.

We would arrive too late. Charlie was gone. We would arrive just in time to not make it.

I didn't tell them what I saw. There was no point. We couldn't change what was going to happen no matter what.

We drove to Forks in silence. It was a three and a half hour drive. Plenty of time to drive me insane.

_Bella, can you hear me?_

Edward's thoughts broke my silence.

"What?" I tried my best not to sound irritated but it came out all wrong.

_I can't begin to explain to you how sorry I am. I know you must be extremely disappointed with me and I'm very sorry for that. I'm sorry for everything you are going through right now. I'm so sorry. So very sorry._

"Edward, it's ok. I'm not upset about the way it happened and I apologize for the harsh words I said to you before we left. I'm worried about Charlie. I'm worried about going home. I'm worried about what has happened to me. I don't understand why I'm impairing everyone. Why I'm taking your gifts. I don't know how to stop it either and it seems like no one, not even Carlisle knows how to help. Please, do not beat yourself up over all of this. There is nothing we can do now except move forward." I clasped his hand with mine. I'm not sure if I was trying to convince him or myself; because I knew what I had said was a lie. I was upset. _I_ was supposed to say when I was changed.

I kept telling myself this was not the end of the world and I had asked for this but nothing could ease the pain I knew I was headed into. I was just a couple hours away before I faced my father's dead body.

"Bella, I know you said you don't feel thirsty but I think it's best for everyone if we stop to hunt. Just to be on the safe side." I took Carlisle's words for what they were.

We pulled over about an hour outside Forks and hid the car as best we could. We tracked about thirty miles into the forest and away from the trails when I caught the scent of elk. It was nothing like I imagined it would be. I thought it would smell appetizing and the scent would call to me but it didn't. It did force the burning in my throat to surface but this wasn't about a craving. This was what I was now.

It took the poor animal down with unnecessary force. No one had to show me how to hunt. It came naturally. I felt all their eyes on me as I fed but didn't care. Hell I wasn't even doing it because I wanted to do. I was doing it because I knew I was supposed to. It was completely unsatisfying. I'm not sure why it was so disgusting but it was.

No one spoke to me on the way back to the car. This worked for me. I wasn't in the mood for talking. We were just prolonging the agony as far as I was concerned. I wanted nothing more than to be with my father, to hold his hand, to tell him I loved him, to say I was sorry this had happened to him but that wasn't an option now.

Edward grabbed hold of my hand as soon as he sat down in the back seat with me. I obliged. I didn't care to be with him at the moment but I didn't care to argue either.

As soon as we pulled into the parking lot I could smell him. Even in death, Charlie's scent was unmistakable to me. I also did not fail to notice Esme and Rosalie were waiting for us by the emergency entrance.

I lunged from the car using everything I had to maintain human speed. I rushed through the doors and grabbed the room number for Esme's mind. I charged through the door like a bank robber.

Jacob and Billy were both amazed. Jasper sat quietly in the back trying to ease the feelings he knew were surfacing. It was useless. I could feel the "push" he was giving trying to calm me as my breathing picked up, faster and faster. I turned my gaze to him and quickly "shoved" back. I'm not sure how I did it but in that same moment my mourning reached him and I saw the pain register with them then flash across all of their faces. Everyone in the room who had apparently followed me in.

Their voices were screaming in my head. I balled my hands into fists at my sides and slowly walked to Charlie's bed.

I gripped his hand in mine, placed my head on his now silent heart and said, "I love you, Daddy."

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**AN: I can't tell you how hard this was to write. I love Charlie but I needed soemthing drastic to set the stage for more. I'm trying really hard to keep the same Edward/Bella but they are changing with every word I type. I hope you'll follow their journey. Help them find their way...review!** **XOXO**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for coming back…I own nothing.**

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**Chapter 6 - Final Arrangements  
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"Darling, would you like some privacy?" I didn't understand how he could still be so loving, "we can step outside if you'd like."

I looked up to him and said, "Will you stay with me?"

"I wouldn't dream of leaving your side."

Everyone walked out of the room except Edward. I held one of his hands while I laid my head back on my father's chest. My body trembled with the panic attack I would be having if I was still human. My eyes burned from the tears that refused to spill over. I laid like this for almost two hours. Neither Edward nor I ever moving.

"Misses Cullen?" The nurse's voice broke the silence. I refused to look at her with my red eyes. Edward spoke for me with his glance towards her.

"Mister and misses Cullen, I'm very sorry. It's time." I wanted to rip her throat out for insisting we leave but felt a slight sense of pride with hearing my name and cursed myself for my thoughts. She was just doing her job.

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"Bella, would you like to come home or head to Charlie's?" Edward's velvet voice caught me off guard as we walked out the emergency exit.

"I want to go to Charlie's if that's ok." I wasn't ready to face anyone.

"Bella, dear? We are all very sorry for what happened with Charlie. For what's it worth…oh honey…he said… he said to tell you the last three years were the best of his life. That having you there made every day worth it and meaningful. He said he'd always love you." I threw myself into Esme's arms as she spoke. I needed the comfort only Esme could give me. Edward damn near had to rip me from her arms.

We walked silently to his car, hand in hand. As we approached my door, I threw myself into him and shoved him against the car and violently attacked him with my lips. I wasn't sure what was coming over me but my physical need for him was becoming overwhelming. I jumped onto him wrapping my legs around his waist. My hands fisted into his hair pulling it by its roots. His hands were all over me. Rubbing my behind, gripping my hips, assaulting my breast.

I could smell my arousal flooding my underwear. So could he. His eyes were a burning black fire. I yanked on his hair by the top of his head and pulled his face just inches away from mine.

"Edward…I want you…take me…NOW!"

"Bella, I wish I could. But were in a parking lot. I can't do that." His voice was hoarse.

"Yes you can." I bit his lip and slowly grazed my tongue across it.

"Bella, what's gotten into you? A few minutes ago you were saying goodbye to Charlie; now you're jumping my bones…"

"Are you complaining?" There was a slight hint of agitation in my voice.

"Never, but…are you sure. This doesn't seem anything like you."

I continued my assault on him. Working my tongue across his lips, down his neck. I mauled his chest, threatening to rip his shirt off if he didn't comply soon.

"Dammit!"

_I win._

He flung the door open to the Vanquish. He tossed me in like rag doll. He hovered his body over mine drinking in my smell. I lowered my hands to the button to lower the seat but he beat me to it.

I grabbed my shirt and ripped it over my head. I tore his shirt to shreds. His hand yanked on the waist of my jeans before he became inpatient and ripped them off my body. My panties followed seconds behind them. I quickly drew my hands to the buttons on his fly and gently tugged it open.

"I think when we get to Charlie's at least one of his should have pants on." My voice was a soft purr.

"Bella…"

The faint sound of a growl was building in his chest. His hands dipped down to my saturated sex and grazed my folds before he plunged into me with them. I screamed out in pleasure and thanked my lucky stars he had such dark tint. I knew the lot was empty and that I'd be able to hear and smell anyone approaching but couldn't help but feel like a kid waiting to get busted being felt up by her boyfriend.

The thought slowly crept from my head to my heart and back. This wouldn't happen for me. My father would never walk in on me fooling around with Edward. I quickly evicted the thought from my mind. I loved my father with every breath I had ever taken, but now, I needed to let him rest peacefully. I would deal with emotions tomorrow when I called Renee and told her. This moment was about my husband and me.

I threw myself back into the heat of the moment.

_I love this woman. I love my wife. My wife. My Bella. God, she's amazing. She's beautiful. How did I ever get so lucky?_

Edward's thoughts were lovely but I needed passion, love could come later tonight.

"Edward, forget about the love…fuck me."

He lunged for my lips and quickly pulled his erection to my center and buried himself inside me. The feeling of him inside me felt sinful. He was so right for me. He was so right for my body.

I grabbed hold of the headrest on the seat. He bent my legs up to my face till my body formed a "V" and grinded into me.

"Fuck, Bella…uh…you're fucking pussy…shit!"

"Fuck me Edward. Uh, just fuck me! Dammit! Keep going! Come on baby!"

"So wet…so god dam wet…uh…say my name…," my orgasm was building but I refused to let it over take me. I concentrated on Edward's request.

"OH! EDWARD! OH YES EDWARD!"

His hands shot to my waist and turned my body till my face was buried in the seat. His hands fisted up into the back of my hair and turned my face to his. His lips collided with mine. He lowered his hand back to my waist and pulled my rear to him before he planted his throbbing cock into me again.

My hands reached out for something…anything. I needed leverage. I needed some control. His thrusts were brutal and demonic yet so damn fulfilling I couldn't help but scream obscenities. My climax was surfacing and was more commanding than I could control. My walls clamped around him and my body shook as he pumped into me even more wildly than he already was.

"Edward…I'm coming! OH! BABY! I'M COMING! SHIT!"

"Yes, baby…cum for me. Bella, cum all over me…let me smell those sweet juices… uh…are you ready for me?"

"I'm ready…oh baby…I'm so ready…give it to me!"

He growled into my back, and then with one last vigorous pump he unleashed himself inside of me.

"SHIT! BELLA!"

"MMM, baby…"

"I love you Bella."

"I love you Edward."

Our panting was deafening in the car. I was sure if we were human the windows would have fogged over and sold us out to the general public. I couldn't help but chuckle.

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We pulled into Charlie's old driveway about 15 minutes later.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"How did the Vanquish get here?"

"Rosalie drove it over here. She knew we would need a car for ourselves once we arrived and she had been changing the oil on the Volvo when they got the call from Jake about your...um…well…," his words trailed off into thin air.

"Edward, it's ok. Not talking about it is not going to make it any easier. In fact, I think we have a lot to talk about and I don't mean just about Charlie." I wanted him to know we would talk about everything and that it would be ok. I knew I had overreacted to everything and I had to apologize.

"Edward, words cannot begin to describe how sorry I am for everything I said to you and how I behaved towards you. My actions were uncalled for and as you might say, unbecoming of a lady. I should never have unleashed my pain on you like that. It was childish and inexcusable and I am deeply sorry for any pain I may have inflicted on you."

"Bella, it's unnecessary to apologize. I can't begin to imagine what you must have been going through. I bit you while we made love and you wake up from your change far too early, you have powers you can't understand or control and then you are hit with the news that your father is on his death bed…no one can blame you for how you reacted."

"Edward?"

"What is it darling?"

"I need some pants."

We both looked down to my naked lower half.

"You sure do." Our laughter filled the car.

"Sit tight. I'll run up to your room and get your sweats."

Edward was back in less than two seconds. I quickly slid my sweats on and laughed internally when I realized in the heat of our love making earlier, I had never taken my shoes off. I must have looked ridiculous with my Spartan's tee shirt on and converse. Oh well.

We walked quietly into the house and Charlie's scent was so powerful it almost knocked me off my feet. I looked around and saw that me being gone had done a number on the house. Charlie was such a man. Dishes piled up on the coffee table, mail unopened on the couch, bathroom light on upstairs and the ghastly smell of rotting food in the garbage. I finally realized how awful human food had smelled to Edward all this time. I almost apologized till my eyes fell on a photo album at the kitchen table.

I walked straight to it after turning on the unnecessary light. Edward right on my heels. I peeled it open and smiled. Pictures of Charlie and me. Pictures from the few holidays we had spent together over the years, from the one month a year till I was fourteen. Lastly there were pictures of him and I on my wedding day. I'm not sure who took the pictures and how they got to him but they were beautiful. Moments between us two that were documented right under our noses. Gazing into each other's eyes. Looking at the man I had first loved. Admiring the first protector I'd ever had. Our last moment together before Edward and I departed on our honeymoon began to replay in my mind…

"_I love you forever, Dad. Don't forget that."_

"_You, too Bells. Always have, always will. Call me."_

"_Soon."_

"_Go on, then. Don't want to be late."_

I mentally kicked myself for not having called him but was glad I had one final 'I love you' before I left. This brought a slight smile to my face.

"What is it?" Edward's voice broke my memory.

"Oh, nothing. Just thinking about Charlie. I'm glad I told him I loved him before we left. It seems to be giving me some kind of closure. I was just thinking of my last moments with him. "

I let out a long sigh as Edward slowly rubbed my back.

"Edward, am I going to feel really tired now that I'm no longer going to sleep?"

"Not so much tired. Just, different. I mean, there will always be a part of you that craves sleep, the way I imagine your body feels when it is tired just not as bad. You'll never feel like you're dead on your feet but you'll never really feel one hundred percent, unless you've just fed. Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering. Edward, I know you wouldn't really know the answer to this but, how do I plan a funeral?"

"Well, I've never had to bury anyone. Anyone I was close to anyway. But I would imagine the first step is going to be by telling Renee."

His words almost stung. I did not want to be the one to tell Renee but if I didn't who would.

"I suppose you're right. I'll call her in the morning. For now, what do you feel like doing? I can't just sit still. It will make all the hurt surface and I don't think I can take it right now."

"Well, don't you think we should talk about it? About your father's death."

"I think there is a part of me that does want to but I don't want to hurt. And I don't know about you but the fact that I can't cry and I want nothing more than to do it, makes my eyes burn."

"Yes, I do know that feeling. Well, why don't we talk about the happier moments then? I'm sure there is still plenty about you and Charlie I don't know. What better way to work through the pain than to tell me about all the wonderful trips to the hospital!"

I slugged his arm.

"OUCH! Bella, don't forget how strong you are right now. Wow that hurt."

"Serves you right."

We talked the rest of the night. All the times I spent with Charlie. Even the few times my summers brought us to La Push. I told him about my dad's steak and cobbler at the diner every Thursday. We laughed about the time Charlie tried to teach me how to ice skate and I damn near broke my nose and his eye was bruised for weeks. I felt a great release every time I said his name or called him 'Dad'. I had thought anything regarding him would just cause me to buckle over and hide myself in the smallest corner of the world I could fill myself in; but it didn't. I was actually starting to feel better.

I called Renee first thing in the morning and explained everything to her. She was very quiet and never interrupted me. Even over the phone I could hear the tears running down her face. I could hear Phil's hands rubbing her back, whispering in her ear: "He's resting now. Take comfort in the fact that he's longer hurting. Bella has Edward, everything will work itself out." When Renee couldn't handle it anymore she handed Phil the phone. I thanked him for his kind words and for always being there for my mother. I'm not sure what she would have done without him.

Charlie's funeral came and went. Renee pulled into town the day before. Esme had helped plan the whole event. I didn't have the strength. Almost everyone in town showed up. Even folks down in Mason County strolled in for the event. Everyone from La Push was also in attendance. I received his flag, his badge and so many 'I'm sorry', I lost count. The twenty one gun salute was a bit much but it honored him the way his fellow officers liked. There wasn't much to say except how much I loved him and how much I was going to miss him.

After the funeral, Edward and I decided to head back to Charlie's house and begin packing up his things. I would keep the few things of his I couldn't bear to part with. The photo albums, letters he apparently wrote and kept in secrecy to my mother begging her to come back, and his beloved boat. Most of his items went to Goodwill. I didn't see the need in me keeping around a lifetimes worth of men's clothing.

Mr. Scott showed up two days later. Edward answered the door.

"May I help you?"

"Yes, sir. I'm looking for Isabella Cullen."

"That is my wife. Who may I tell her is at the door?"

I didn't understand why Edward even asked. Wouldn't he be able to pull his name right out of his head?

"Mr. Scott. Jason Scott. Attorney at law."

I tried my best to head down the stairs at a human pace but I was still very much learning how to operate as one when I so definately no longer was.

"I'm Isabella Cullen. May I help you?"

His thoughts were either completely blank or he was just absolutely dazzled by Edward and myself.

"Miss Cullen, if I may-"

"Misses." I broke in rather rudely. Edward laughed so quiet only I could hear him.

"I'm sorry?"

"You said 'miss'. Its misses. Not miss."

"My apologies Misses Cullen. May I have a moment of your time?"

I showed the man in. It's not like he'd be able to think about how to hurt me without me knowing and he was certainly no match for neither Edward nor myself.

"What brings you to Forks Mr. Scott? You seem a long way from home."

I could tell by his smell he'd been in the car for a while. Probably from Seattle.

"I was your father's attorney."

This threw me off.

"Attorney? Charlie had an attorney?"

I spoke my words to Edward who had now come to sit next to me.

"Apparently so." Even Edward seemed unaware of this.

"Yes, ma'am. I was. The last matter of business I provided Charlie with was the finalization of his will. This is what brings me here."

Edward and I stared at each other in confusion.

"Your father left you a significant inheritance and I just need a few signatures from you to make it all official."

He opened his briefcase and pulled out several forms attached to blue colored card stock with post it's attached to each one which indicated where I would need to sign on the documents.

I must have signed twelve thousand pages. In the end, Charlie had left me the house, his pension, an old lot in town he'd purchased just before he and my mother split up, his boat and a white envelope he'd given Mr. Scott just after I left on my honeymoon.

"What do you think it says?" Edward never said more than two words while Mr. Scott had been there.

"I'm not sure but if you don't mind..."

"Of course love. I need a change of clothes anyway. I'll just run home and be back in less than an hour."

Edward kissed the top of my head and walked out the door. I sat on the couch and debated what was in the envelope. It only took about ten minutes before I could no longer take it.

_My dearest Bella, _

_It's only been a few days since I walked you down that aisle and already I feel lost. You have been the center of every thought I've had over the last eighteen years. I loved you from the moment your mother told me you existed. Everything I've ever done has been for you. I loved you all the more because no matter how much time had passed, I never fell out of love with Renee. You were my last connection with her. I will treasure that for the rest of my forever. _

_I'm not sure why I'm writing this or how I know I need to but it's here nonetheless. I know I've handed you over to the man of your dreams and I do not doubt Edward in the slightest. I know he will love and cherish you for the rest of his life. I'm grateful you have found your other half. You two seem to fit even more perfectly together than any puzzle I've ever seen. Part of me had always hoped he'd never come back and you'd stay with me forever but I will never hold it against him for loving you enough to come back. I only wish I'd found the same before I wrote this. _

_I get the feeling I won't be around by the time you make it back from your honeymoon and it will kill me that I will never get to see my grandbabies but always know I'm never far. I will live on in your memories so don't forget me. Even with all the rain in Forks, you made everyone one of my days sunny._

_All my love, _

_Charlie_

I folded his letter back into the envelope, brought my legs to my chest, hugged them with my arms and waited for the love of my life to come back and hold me.

I knew now more than ever nothing could ever tear me apart from Edward.

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**AN: Ok, so this took a lot longer than I had hoped but I had so much to get together and I ultimately decided to cut somethings short and just breeze through without all the minor details. I need to get them both on the next leg of their journey and felt like I was dragging out unimportant details. Thank you all for still following. Did I mention I love reviews?!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for coming back. Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. I wrote it all out then reread it and decided it sucked so I deleted the entire thing then started over. Then my mother in law screwed us over, my son dropped a TV on his foot and fractured his big toe and then he and my husband both caught a stomach virus...good times! Sorry to keep you all waiting. But I love every last one of you who is giving me the time of day. **

**I also have to give a shout out to my BFF - Vern. She is the backbone of this story. She gave me the ideas and the courage to post and has stuck by me even when I felt it sucked. Love you babe! New Moon Premiere 2009! Let the Robert Pattinson stalking begin!  
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**Anyway, just to be on the safe side…credit goes to SM for creating these characters.**

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**Chapter 7 –Emotions Boiling Over**

I rolled over and laid on the couch. Not two seconds later Edward had rushed through the door and was holding me.

"Bella, what is it? Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine. Just missing Charlie. How did you get here so quick? You just left." Even for a vampire this was still insanely quick.

"I heard you calling me."

"I didn't call you."

Great. More stuff I don't understand about being a vampire.

"What do you mean? I heard you calling me in my head. And I felt this pull. It's kind of hard to explain. I was pulling into the drive at home and I heard you say 'Edward, I need you'. Then I got this feeling in my chest. And it was pushing me to come back here. I don't understand it. But I'm here nonetheless."

Edward's words didn't make sense to me. I didn't understand how he could hear me from such a distance. I knew I had said those exact words in my head but I that still didn't make sense. And what was this 'push' he felt. Did I force him here and I didn't even realize it?

ZZZZZZ

Damn cell phones. Edward snapped it open.

"Yes, Alice."

"_How is Bella?"_

"She's fine. Is everything ok?"

"_Yes, Esme, Rosalie and I wanted to invite her hunting. She hasn't had much of an escape since we all returned and thought it would be a good idea if she at least fed herself."_

"Yes, Alice. We'll be there in about half an hour." I spoke over Edward before he could protest. There was no point in arguing. She'd just come drag me.

"Got that?"

"_Yes, I heard her. See you in a bit."_

I gathered my mental bearings together and walked up the stairs to dress. Walking up I thought to myself that I'd love nothing more than to make love to my husband.

It was in that moment that his voice caught me.

_She is beautiful. And she's mine. All mine. And I get to make love to her everyday for the rest of our existance. How did I ever get so lucky? I want to make love to her. I want to show her my love for her. I can't believe she does not hold my actions against me. I was such a monster, how could I have hurt her like this. She missed seeing Charlie one last time because of me. I wish she'd turn around and look at me._

My head quickly snapped to him.

"Don't do that." I growled the words at him.

"Don't do what?"

"Don't curse yourself for the way things turned out. It is what it is, I know we both would have preferred it had happened differently but it didn't. Now we live with it. This is for better or worse."

Truth be told I was kind of disappointed but I was more aggrivated that he even thought of it. I just wanted all of it to go away already.

Neither one of us said anything on the way to the Cullen house. I'm not sure if we had nothing to say or nothing to say to each other. Either way, the silence was comforting.

Alice greeted us before I could even set foot out of the car.

"Bella, this is so exciting. We've never hunted together before. It's almost like shopping!"

"Alice, we're killing wildlife, not shopping for shoes. Calm down." It wasn't hard to detect the irritation in my voice. She was so annoying sometimes but I loved her with everything I had.

"Bella, dear, are you ready? Alice had a vision of a storm earlier and I prefer to come home slightly dirty as opposed to insanely muddy." Esme was making me wonder if maybe she was biologically linked to Alice.

"Sure. Where's Rose?"

"Giving Emmett a little goodbye." Alice's words sounded so guilty.

I pricked my ears and concentrated on nothing but the house.

"_Oh, baby! Yeah, lick my balls. Oh Rosie! Yeah, just like that. Um, yeah. Are you ready?"_

"_Yeah, baby. Let me have it, just don't get it in my hair."_

"_Ok…here it comes, here it comes. UGH! AH! UGH! Oh yeah, I love you Rosie."_

"Oh God!" I was digusted and slightly embarassed.

"Bella, what is it? Are you ok?"

"Edward, I just saw Rosalie through Emmett's head and ugh…can't you hear them?"

"We try to give each other as much privacy as possible. It's difficult sometimes, especially where Rose and Em are concerned but as time has gone on, we've learned to tune them out. What did you see?"

"Let's just say, I hope Rose is done cleaning her chin before she walks out the door!"

"Oh, my. I know full well what you saw then. My condolenscenes." Edward chuckled lightly as he spoke.

"Edward, for what it's worth…"

"Yes, love?"

"You'll never have to tell me to lick your balls." I licked his neck right after I spoke these words and heard his erection strain against his jeans. With one last kiss on the neck I giddily said, "love you babe. See you later!"

_You little tease. I'll get you for that!_

_I'm counting on it!_

To my surprise, I think he actually heard me think it because his smile grew insanely larger.

* * *

"So ladies, how is everyone?" It was the only words I could think but I knew there was more to this than just a hunt.

"Well, Bella. You tell us." Rose's smile after she spoke told me this was going to be brutal.

"I'm not sure I know what you mean."

"Bella, Edward may be my son but you are still my daughter too. I just want to make sure he's…taking care of you. If you catch my drift." Shit, even Esme was in on it.

"Oh…OH! NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! I am not talking to you guys about my sex life with Edward."

"Bella, I'll tell you about me and Jasper."

"UH! Alice, I don't want to know about you and Jasper. Why would you even suggest that. UGH! I can't believe you guys."

This was humiliating, to say the very least.

Rosalie was sneakier than Alice and Esme thought to be.

_Ok, you don't want to hear it. FINE! I'll just show you then…take this!_

With that Rose assaulted me with images of her blowing Emmett, riding him in the Jeep, bending over her M3 next to the waterfall near the clearing where they played baseball, licking her lips while Emmett licked her pussy, screaming his name while they performed some outrageous position that looked frightening and I had to admit, like something I wanted to try.

"It's called the Seesaw Variation, Bella. You can google it."

I was finally thankful I was no longer human. My face would have been beat red. Rose freightened me. I could only imagine what she and Emmett did behind closed doors.

* * *

The rest of the hunt was uneventful and we made it home before dark.

"How was your hunt love?"

"Good. How was your afternoon?" I said.

"Torture without you. Can we talk for a minute?"

"Sure. What about?"

"In private, please."

"OK."

I immdeiately dug into his brain and realized he was blocking his thoughts from me and I didn't like it one bit. It made me nervous.

"So what's on your mind?"

What I really wanted to say was what the fuck is so private and why the hell are you blocking your thoughts from me. But I knew better.

"Well, while you and the rest of the ladies were out…Carlisle talked to me about leaving…Forks."

"Oh."

"We can both understand if you are not ready. I realize it may still be too soon from having barried your father but it is something we need to face eventually. Especially since there is still so much we have yet to discover about you. I think it would be best if we were isolated from everyone who isn't one of us."

"Ok. I can understand that. Um, wow. I guess we should get things in order huh? I should start with the house. I also need to wait for all the documents to be finalized. I'm still waiting for Charlie's retirement money and…"

"Bella, Bella, calm down. We have time. This is just something we need to face. It could be tomorrow or three months from now. We will start planning once everything here has been settled. I just wanted to make you aware of the fact that we will need to leave. The sooner the better I think, but I wanted you to know we'd be heading for Denali."

"Denali?"

"Yes, love. There is another coven. You know this. You met them all at the wedding. They are very dear friends of ours. Almost family."

"Denali?"

"Is that a problem? I won't make you go anywhere you are not prepared to go to. We can go anywhere you'd like. We thought Denali would be best since Kate is there and Carlisle feels she could be of great help with learning how to use your gifts."

"Denali? With the coven? The coven of succubus? The coven which Tanya belongs to? The same Tanya who was…is…_interested_ in you? Is this where you are planning on taking me to?"

"Bella-"

"Edward…answer me."

"Bella, it's not-"

"ANSWER ME! NOW!"

"Yes. The same coven. With Tanya. Yes, in Denali."

"Unfucking believable! Why Edward?! Why?"

"I told you. They are very dear friends, almost family. We have turned to them many times the same way they have with us. Bella, this is not…whatever you think it is. This is us turning to family for guidance. Kate is a very old vampire and has seen many things in her life. She has very special gifts and has, helped evolve them over time. This is to your benefit. No one elses. Please, love. This will be a good thing."

"Let me get this straight. We are giong to pack up our lives here; head for Denali, to help me understand and control my gift in the same house as a bunch of…of…whores, one of which who would give damn near anything in this world for one roll in the hay with you and I'm supposed to see this as a good thing? Fuck no."

"Bella, you are being unreasonable. This is not about Tanya and me. Besides, I am married now. She was a guest at our wedding. The whole family will be accompanying us there. It is highly unlikely that she will try to pull anything in the presence of Carlisle or Rosalie for that matter. She knows Rose would kill her. But she respects my opinion. I do not want her. I married you. I love you. There should be nothing more to it."

"Edward…I know all that. But did you or did you not once tell me that their gift is their presence. Their physical beauty. They posses the power to overtake any man for sexual needs. Didn't you say that?"

"Yes. That is accurate but Tanya has never once tried that with me. She respects me. She would never stoop that low."

"And that's supposed to be enough for me to say, 'ok, let's go to the whorehouse and pretend that that bitch wouldn't give her right arm for one ride on your dick!"

"BELLA!"

"WHAT!"

"Bella, I understand how you might feel but this is for the best and it's not about being with Tanya. I think you are making things far more difficult than they need to be so quit acting so immature and-"

I'm not sure how it all happened but the next thing I knew Edward was slumped over against the far wall with sheetrock in his hair.

Actually that's a lie. I know exactly how that happened. I did it. Without even touching him I threw his ass straight into that wall. I'd be damned if he was going to undermine me like that.

"Edward, listen to me and listen to me carefully."

"Bella, how did you do that?"

"I said listen to me. I will go to Denali with you and our family. I will go because I know it is the right thing to do. I will however, not go because its what you said. I'm going to protect this family. It's important to me to protect the Cullen name. But don't you forget I'll have my eyes and mind open to that bitch and if she so much as thinks about you, I will rip her apart limb from limb and burn her to the ground and if I hear one word about it from you or anyone else for that matter, you'll be joining in on her ashes. Do. You. Under. Stand. Me."

"Bella-"

"Answer my fucking question!"

"Yes, love. I do."

"Now, if you'll excuse me…I have some arrangements to make."

I stomped out the door of his bedroom, down the stairs and straight into the Volvo. I needed some personal space. I couldn't believe I was expected to just go up there and act like…no. I wouldn't do this. I agreed to go for the sake of the family. I would not allow myself to poison my own mind. There were more important issues at hand.

It didn't take me but a few minutes to get back to Charlie's house. Shortly afterward Mr. Scott pulled up.

"Mrs. Cullen…you are as beautiful as the days are long. And more gorgeous everyday."

I searched his head and found the words to be true and not sexual. Thank God.

"Thank you Mr. Scott. Please, won't you come in?"

"If it's not a bad time. Will your husband be joining us?"

"No. Not this afternoon. He's…preoccupied." Small lie, I'd left him with no indication that his presence was neither needed or wanted.

"Well, I know what it's like to be a newlywed. I've been one myself…well…multiple times!" His laugh was so contagious I couldn't help but giggle along. A flash of his memory showed me he had in fact been a newlywed about seven times.

"Well, like I was trying to say, I don't want to keep you from that handsome husband of yours but I have the final papers for you to sign and the check made payable to you. It includes all of Charlie's assets. Comes out to three hundred eighty seven thousand two hundred one dollars."

"WHAT!"

"HA HA! If you would please Bella, just sign on the indicated arrows."

"Are you serious?" My voice was so low I wasn't even sure he'd heard me.

"Yes, ma'am. Your daddy wasn't much of a spender and he was smart enough to take out an additional life insurance policy before he passed. You meant the world to him, he didn't want you left uncared for in the event anything ever happened to him."

"I don't know what to say. Wow. I had no idea. Thank you."

I signed the papers in a complete haze. I wasn't even sure this was happening. I felt a small sense of pride knowing my father had planned so well. I loved how much he loved me. Even if we never got to say it. More so, I finally felt like I might be bringing something to the table with Edward. He was so well of, I hated knowing I was bringing less than nothing to our marriage. Not anymore. I quickly ran to the bank and made the deposit to my account. Of course with my lack of funds, they put a hold on the check. I was about to throw a fit when his velvet voice broke my concentration.

"There is no need for that. I'll guarantee it." I smiled at him but also had to hide the irritation I felt knowing he'd followed me here.

"Mr. Cullen…of course. It would be my pleasure to assist you in any way possible."

The teller was more than just insinuating…she was picturing herself on her knees in front of Edward who was lying on his Aston Martin. The whore.

"His semen tastes better than the finest wine, his dick is thicker and longer than any two men combined and it only fucks me...on top of the Aston Martin. Suck on that bitch."

I spat the words out before I realized I had even thought them up. I grabbed my receipt from her hand, turned around to face Edward and licked his jaw up to his earlobe while I stroked the crotch of his pants.

"Ready, lover?"

Edward's smug face was hilarious. "Always ready for you sweetheart."

We walked out of the bank hand in hand.

_That was incredibly sexy. I'd love to see you in a fight._

"No, you wouldn't. If I'm in a fight, it means that bitch has been thinking about you and I won't allow that and I think Carlisle may resent me if I kill a friend of his."

"Mmmmm, Bella…so dangerous. I like it."

"Do you now?"

"I do. Almost as much as I love the look on your face when I lick that sweet pussy of yours."

"Mmmmm. Go on."

"Or the way you bite your lip when I part your legs…kind of like this."

He pushed one knee between both my legs and pushed them apart.

"I also love the way your pulse use to race whenever I'd do this."

He tugged gently on the collar of my shirt exposing my collarbone. He leaned his head down and dragged that gorgeous tongue across me.

"Edward,"

"Yes, Bella?"

He was placing kisses along my neck now, one hand locked in my hair, the other holding on to my hip for dear life as his body leaned in closer and closer to mine.

"We're in public. Maybe we shouldn't do this."

"Do what?"

"Edward, you know what I mean."

"Why shouldn't we? Is it turning you on?"

He sucked on my bottom lip while discreetly bringing his right hand up to graze my left breast.

Juice was flowing and I knew it would kill him and me if we didn't do something about this building tension.

"Edward, get in the car."

"Why? It's just starting to get good." His voice was laced in sex.

"Honey, trust me…the shows better in the Volvo."

We both jumped in the car. Edward driving, we sped off towards Charlie's house.

I made quick work of his zipper and yanked his pants down as much as they'd budge in that little car. He was already hard as stone.

I lowered my mouth to his throbbing cock.

"Ugh, Bella. Yes, just like that."

My mouth's rythmn was foreign even to me. I had next to no experience but my instincts seemed to have taken over.

I bobbed up and down, assaulting him with my tongue and hands. Moaning against his length I quickened my speed.

"Bella, slow down. Don't make me come too quickly."

"No."

"Bella, please. Oh God. Don't…please…fuck! You can suck a dick baby! Oh God!"

My pace picked up again, sucking, licking, head bobbing.

I forced my left hand down the front of my pants and collected my juice on my fingers. Yanking them from my pants, I shoved them in his mouth as I relaxed my jaw to force more of him in me.

"Mmmmm, oh fuck. FUCK! BELLA! I'm gonna come. Baby, I'm gonna come. Stop. Let me…ugh!"

He unleashed his load in my mouth and I greedily swallowed every last drop. It was over more quickly than I had hoped but it had been far too long since we'd last been intimate.

I say back in my seat and strapped on my seat belt. I couldn't believe he'd been able to keep driving the whole time.

Edward quickly pulled over. We were just blocks from the house now.

"Ok, where the hell did you learn to do that?"

"What ever do you mean?" I couldn't hide the sly smile on my face.

"Bella, where did you ever get the brilliant idea to wet your fingers with your own juices and shove them in my mouth right as you deep throated?"

"Oh! That…well..it just kind of came to me. I don't know. Why? Did you like it?"

_Please say yes! Please say yes!_

"Bella, I loved it. I can't wait to get you in bed."

"You'll have to hold that thought."

"Why?"

"Don't you smell them?"

"Smell who?"

"The pack. They just surronded the car."

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**AN: I must stress again how sorry I am for taking so long to get this up. Real life. Dammit! I don't know why my husband won't let me just quit my job...something about a mortgage and some BS about me agreeing to keep my job if he bought me a BMW? I don't know. What a jerk. Anyhow. Hope you guys enjoy. The next chapter will be centered around the pack, more so Jacob. But just the one chapter. I never cared for him. I was always half expecting him to slip Bella a roofie or something and date rape her! Anyhow, I'll keep writing if you keep reviewing! Seriously, leave a review...otherwise I'll feel like I wasted time staying up till 1 AM writing this. XOXO**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey! You're back! Love it! Credit goes to SM for creating these characters. I just like playing with Edward…no playlist cause I don't care and I don't have one.  
**

**Now without further ado…**

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**Chapter 8 – Confessions and Realizations**

"He's here to talk to you." Edward's voice seemed calmer than I would have expected it to be.

"Who's here to talk to me?"

"Jake. He heard my comment about what you did with your fingers. He was already on his way to Charlie's to check on you when he heard my voice."

"Oh, shit. What do we do?"

"Well, I could put the pedal to the metal and run their asses over! Or we can get this over and done with once and for all. It's up to you."

I knew I needed to face this. Before Edward and I had left on our honeymoon, Jake and I had not had the most pleasant exchange. But my sex life with Edward was none of his business. I knew I needed to clear the air with Jake. Especially if we were going to be leaving soon.

"Well, there's no time like the present."

Edward turned off the car and we both walked into the forest. We needed privacy if we were going to hash it out. I didn't think things would get ugly but I didn't think we'd need an audience either.

We walked about fifty feet into the forest, the entire pack slowly pacing around us. I could tell Edward was a little irritated by them. I couldn't understand why they were all here. If Jake had already been waiting for me, why was he waiting with the entire pack?

"Listen, mutt. If you care to talk to Bella, be a man and phase back. My wife doesn't speak dog."

"Edward!"

Edward shrugged his shoulders and the cracking of bones filled the silence around us.

Jake slowly walked out from behind the trees wearing only sweat pants.

"Bella?"

"Hey Jake. What's going on?"

"I came to talk to you." His voice was irritated. He wanted to talk to me alone but I knew better than to allow something like that to happen.

"What about?"

"Alone."

Edward growled.

"Whatever you have to say to me, you can say if front of Edward. Need I remind you that he is my husband and we don't keep secrets from each other?" I really hoped I didn't need to elaborate more than this. I got the distinct feeling things were going to get ugly.

"Yeah…I figured. Look Bella…the reason I came looking for you is because we know what you are. We know that something must have happened while you were on your honeymoon. I know that you are no longer human. I can't figure out why we can't smell you but you certainly set off the fire within me. The same exact way the rest of them do. I don't resent you for that because it's not your fault. You are what you chose to become. I can't change that. But there are some serious issues we need to discuss. Obviously, this violates the treaty. As Ephraim's heir, I have to take action."

"Since when did you decide to take over the pack, dog?" Edward spoke before I could.

"Sam no longer wanted control over it, bloodsucker."

"Excuse me?" I spat out. The venom was pooling in my mouth. That remark pissed me off to no end.

"Sorry Bella. I didn't mean you. I meant him."

"He and I are equals. We are both the same. You call him a name…you call me a name. And I don't like it, so unless you prefer I call you a mutt, I suggest you chose your words more carefully next time."

I could hear Edward's erection straining against his pants. He was getting turned on by me defending us.

"Sorry Bella. I didn't mean to offend you."

"Look Jake. If you are here to wage war…so be it. I hoped it wouldn't come to this but I've made and followed through with my decision. I will stand by my family. I will fight alongside my family. If it's a war you want…it's a war you'll get. They are all I have left and although I've never wanted to lose your friendship, if I have to make a choice…I will sacrifice my friendship with you for Edward. I love him, more than life itself. My love for him is eternal and my bond with him is unbreakable. Nothing could ever tear me from him. Nothing and nobody. These words may be hard for you to hear but they are the truth. You were there for me when I needed someone and you helped me survive a time when I thought all was lost but you never healed my wounds. They were fresh and would always remain painful so long as Edward was gone but we made our way back to each other. We didn't fall back in love because we never fell out of it. We became stronger and connected far deeper than we ever were when he came back. I don't mean to hurt you but it is what it is."

"Bella, I think maybe I should give you and Jacob some time to talk. Jacob, if you will kindly call off your pack, I will leave you and Bella to speak privately inside Charlie's house." I just fell even more in love with him. Edward was such a gentleman.

"Guys, give me and Bella some time to talk."

A growl broke out in the distance.

"Paul, I'm not asking. Now do it."

I turned to face Edward.

"Honey, are you sure?"

"Bella, I suspect there is much air to clear between you and Jacob. You two built this relationship together and I love you enough to respect your privacy. I will not become the overbearing husband. I love you and I trust you. I know if you had to, you are plenty capable of defending yourself. If you need me, you know all you have to do is think it and I'll be here."

"I love you so much, Edward."

"As I do you." He slowly leaned down and pressed his lips ever so lightly to mine.

Jacob turned his face and began walking towards the house. Edward turned back to walk to the car and I silently followed Jake while the pact ran off. When we approached the back door, I pulled my key out and let us both in. Jake sat at the dinner table and stared off into space.

"Can I get you something to drink?" I wasn't sure why I offered. I wasn't even sure I had anything to offer.

"No, I'm fine but thank you."

I sat across the table from him and waited. The silence was murder.

"Bella, how can you live with him?"

"Who?"

"Edward. How can you stand to live with him?"

"It's not that I can live with him. I can't live without him."

This was going to hurt but I had to do it.

"Jake, when I was human, my heart beat only for him. I lived only for him. Everything in the world that I dreamed of, I wanted to share with him. When I'm not with him, my heart aches. When I look at him, I see my best friend. I've always known he was the one that could look into my eyes and see my soul. I never thought I'd find someone to love that would love me back unconditionally until I met him. It may not be the most ideal situation to fall in love with a vampire but the heart wants what the heart wants."

My voice gradually decreased in volume as I spoke. I'm not sure why. I guess I thought, the softer I said it, the less it would hurt.

"Bella, did you ever love me?"

There it was. The question I knew he would ask. The one I didn't want to answer. The one that would seal both our fates. There was no way out of this. I had to be honest.

"No, Jake. I don't think so. I won't lie and say I could have done without you. Truth be told, I'm not sure I would have survived him leaving me without you. But that wasn't love we shared. It was just a connection. It is possible for people of the opposite sex to be just friends."

"Then why did it feel like you did?"

"I'm not sure. I know that you do love me and I'm not ungrateful for your devotion to me but I can't return the feelings. Honestly, I think maybe for a while I did convince myself something was developing between us. But the truth of the matter is that I was using you. I was using you to fill the void. I wasn't falling for you Jake. I was falling for the idea of an _us._ I thought I could move on from Edward but I couldn't. I took advantage of your generosity to make myself feel better. It was irresponsible of me and if that angers you I fully understand."

"Bella, I know that you never loved me. I knew the whole time you didn't actually want _me._ You just wanted to be wanted again. I don't blame you for how you felt. You can't force yourself to care for someone. But I always wondered what I did wrong. What I needed to do to get you to see that we _could_ work together. I thought I could get you to love me. I was wrong. It kills me that for all my efforts, they were wasted. I diluted myself into thinking love could grow on you. I see now that I have a lot to learn about life and love."

I didn't want to do this anymore. I knew the longer we talked the more we were going to run circles around each other.

"Jake, where does this leave us all?"

"I'm not sure. I don't think you and I can ever really be friends again. It's taking everything I've got to keep from phasing right now. How did that even happen? And why can't I smell you? Don't get me wrong, I don't wish for you to smell like the others but it's very strange."

"Well, how it happened is private and none of your damn business! As to why you can't smell me…we're really not sure. I'll tell you what though…you smell hideous!"

"Thanks jerk."

We both laughed and for a moment it all seemed too easy again. Things had always flown so naturally between us. I loved every moment I ever spent with Jake but our friendship was based on lies and we both knew it.

"Bella, I won't wage war on anyone. It is my birthright to make this choice and I refuse to allow your father to turn in his grave. If he can see us now, which I chose to believe he can, I want him to see us together, in this moment. I want him to see us making peace with everything. I want him to see us as friends. As much friends as we can ever be. I want you to be happy. I know it has cut you deeply to lose Charlie. I know living this supernatural life is not an easy one to live. I love you enough to let you go. I see the way you and Edward look at each other. I know I don't have enough fight in me to ever win you over. We should all be fortunate enough to find the kind of love that you and he share. I hope someday I find it."

"You will. I know you will. I hope I'm able to be here to see you happy but we've hit the fork in the road. Your life will head one way…mine is headed another."

"What do you mean? Are you leaving?"

"Yes, we are. We are headed to Denali. There is another vegetarian coven there. Dear friends of Carlisle's. There is a vampire there, Kate; Carlisle thinks she can help me understand my _gifts._"

"You have a gift? What, kind of like Edward and Alice?"

"Sort of. I'm calling myself a copy cat. It seems, so long as I'm in the proximity of another with a gift, I have the ability to mimic_ their_ gift. I can even go so far as in to deprive them of their ability but I'm not sure how I make it all happen. I know when my emotions are really high, it overwhelms me and I can't control it. It's very frustrating. I think mostly I hate being around Edward with it. I start hearing everyone's thoughts around me and their voices seem like they are screaming in my head. I don't know how he handles that day in and day out. I have great respect for him for it. We've also noticed that Alice can no longer see visions involving me or Renee. Even before Charlie passed she couldn't see him either. She felt horrible about not being able to see what happened to him. She saw Edward biting me to change me but as soon as he made contact with me, the Swans flew off the radar for her. OH! And just between us two, the other day I managed to throw Edward into the wall just by thinking it. It was kind of cool. I regretted it instantly but at the time, if felt necessary to put him in his place!"

"Wow. That's a lot to take in. Especially since no one seems to understand it. How does Edward feel about all of it?"

"I'm not sure. None of us have really talked about it. Seems like there is no point in speculating at this point. They've all been making sure I survived the loss of Charlie. Jasper seems like he's walking on eggshells when he's around me. He doesn't understand why I'm not totally crazy. He still finds it very difficult to control his blood lust."

Then there was the silence again. We'd run out of bull shit to talk about.

"Bella, will I ever see you again?"

"Oh, Jake. I'm really not sure but I don't think so. How long can we all parade around pretending we are entering our twenties and thirties with the bodies of teenagers?"

I could sense his uneasiness but blew it off. My life wasn't about him. It never had been. It would always only be about Edward.

My Edward.

"I see your point."

"Jake…"

"It's ok Bells. I know. I've always known. I'm sorry I tried to force so much. I…you know what? It doesn't even matter. You're happy right?"

"I am, Jake. So happy."

My words had never seemed truer than at this very moment. I'd always known I loved Edward with every fabric of my being but something inside me just clicked. My body longed for his touch, my heart ached for his presence. I felt more in love with Edward in this very moment than I'd ever felt and I didn't understand it. It was digesting me whole.

I started realizing how childish I had been behaving the last couple of weeks. I'd chastised Edward for granting me the only thing I'd ever really wanted. He'd changed me. He made me what I was today. I'd always loved my human life but being a vampire now, made me feel things even more passionately than I'd ever experienced before. The way he kissed me, touched me, looked at me. Everything was amplified beyond reason. Even my guilt. It was building in my chest and boiling over into my brain. I was holding it against Edward for changing me when it was the one thing I'd ever really asked him for. Yes, I'd wanted to marry him but I wanted to be his equal more than anything else. And he had finally granted me that wish. And now that I was really taking the time to think about, the method had been extremely erotic. I couldn't blame him for being so worked up. He was still a man, a virgin when we finally made love. Neither of us having any experience. So what if he bit me. He loved me. I loved him.

_What the hell am I still doing here talking to Jake?_

"Jake, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude but I have to go." I jumped up and started fumbling for my keys.

"Bella, what is it? Are you ok?"

"Jake…oh, Jake. I've never been better. Look, I'll always love you. Not the way you deserve but I will and I'll never forget the memories we made together but I'm in love with Edward. I need to be with him. I need to be with my husband."

"Bella, are you leaving? Will you at least call me or something? Let me know you're ok. Please?" He was begging.

"I will. I promise."

I ran out the door at the most human speed I could manage. My libido was in overdrive and my heart was aching for Edward. I had so much to fix. I had so much to make up for. I needed to show Edward how much I appreciated him, how much I loved him. I lost my father but that wasn't his fault. There was no way we could have prevented anything. And Charlie knew I loved him. He knew I had always loved Edward. I knew he was looking down at me and thanking whatever God he believed in that I had found true love. He had found it in Renee years ago but it wasn't in the cards for them. I knew he was happy for me.

My world seemed to come inline all at once. Everything made sense now. Everything was right in my life. I had the best memories of the world's greatest father that ever lived, the funniest stories of the craziest mother that ever lived. I had the nuttiest sister-in-law who could see the future, albeit, not mine but even so. And Rosalie…oh Rosalie. She was the meanest and most protective sister-in-law you could ever ask for. The funniest brother-in-law, Emmett. The devilishly gracious Jasper, with a gift so unique it made my dead heart flutter. Carlisle and Esme…I didn't even have the words for their kindness and generosity and their immense ability to love. Jake, I would never forget and would always be thankful for but most importantly I had Edward. Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. My husband. My partner. My best friend. My only reason for being alive, if that's what I am.

I raced out the front door and straight to the Guardian. Thankful Alice had left it here for me before the wedding. I slam the door so hard the whole car shook. I plunged that laser cut key into the ignition and slammed the gear into reverse. I peeled out of the driveway so damn hard the bottom of the car scraped the concrete. I had never been so happy before for a luxury car, that plate covering the undercarriage of the car was the only thing protecting it from the damage I could inflict on it.

I rammed the gear into drive and headed for the white mansion in the woods. I had a husband waiting for me. A husband who loved me with everything he possessed. A husband I was dying to get to. A husband I couldn't bear to live without. I needed to show him how much I loved him. How much I'd always love him. And dammit, I was going to do it right now…

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**AN: Wow! This was a bitch to write. I knew I had to have some Jake in here but everytime I thought of what he would say or do, I just cringed. I hated him so much. My BFF thought Bella's words were kind of harsh but I said the hell with it. Jake sucks. I paid tribute to him and included him and his little pack, he should be thankful I didn't have Edward run thier asses over. (Shout out to VeronicaD13 for the idea...girl we are on the same page!) So anyway...let me know what you think. It will make my day. It's a total Forks day here in my little part of Texas. It's been raining for a week and it's totally dragging me down. Show me some love and leave me a little review...I really need it. I wrote most of this while at work today and I feel guilty for cheating the time clock...wait...that's not true. I don't feel guilty at all!**

**Thanks again for coming back...XOXO**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey people! Thanks for coming back. I had a little bout of writers block so this took longer than I would have liked but its here nonetheless. **

**I have to give some love to my BFF, Vern. Nothing I do is possible without her and her perverted mind. Love you V! Show me your boobs!**

**Again...I own nothing. Sadly this is all SM's hand work at creating. I just enjoy getting Edward naked.**

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**Chapter 9 – Breaking Things**

I raced through town like a mad woman. I was on a mission. I had to get to Edward. I had to see him, touch him…make love to him. My entire body felt like it was on fire. I had so many emotions surfacing I couldn't even register what most of them were. And the closer I got to the house the greater I felt a pull in my chest. Almost as if something was drawing strength from me. I didn't understand it but I could feel Edward in my head. I felt him in my heart.

I made the sharp turn onto the winding road leading to the most beautiful home I'd ever seen in my life. When it finally came into view, I took the opportunity to slow down and really look at the life we were living.

I had never been more grateful of any of it till this moment. I slowly came to a stop in front of our home. _Our_ home. We had made beautiful memories here. We'd made them in the forest which surrounded this home. We had made the most significant promises to each other just beyond those white walls. I was a very lucky girl.

I took a deep breath and thought about Charlie. My smile grew insanely larger just thinking of my dad. I remembered how much I thought I would hate living here when I first relocated and laughed. If I had only known!

I jumped out of the car and was sucked in by the sight on the porch.

There Edward stood in all his beautiful seventeen year old body. Without a shirt or shoes. Just his black pants and insanely sexy hair.

"I've been waiting for you." His voice was laced in sex.

"Have you now?"

I slowly crept towards the porch trying to put as much sway in my hips as I could without being obvious.

"I have. I was worried for a while that I might have to go stake my claim over you."

I stopped just short of the front steps.

"Really? Were you prepared to teach me a lesson?" Two could play this game.

"I was. I was even prepared to bring my belt just to reinforce how much you are _mine._"

"Did me being with Jake make you jealous? Were you afraid he had his hands on me? That I might be enjoying it…" I licked my lips and placed one foot on the first step to the porch.

"It pissed me the fuck off."

With that he grabbed my wrist and pulled my body to his. I crashed into his chest and we both pummeled to the floor of the porch cracking boards as we collided with it.

Our kissing was feverish and violent and demanding.

"You're mine Bella."

"Yes, baby. I am. Oh god."

He was kissing me everywhere. On my neck, collarbone, lips and ears. He ripped my shirt open and lunged straight for my breast.

"Edward, we're outside…"

"I don't care. No one's here. Everyone went hunting. We're alone and if anybody does approach we'll be able to hear or smell them."

He started rubbing his crotch along my leg building the heat in my already moist sex.

I needed him. I needed him now more than I ever had before. I was so consumed with him and all the love we shared. It was in my heart and flooding my sex. I couldn't take it anymore. For a brief second I was thankful I had never had to experience anything like Jasper did. It must be hell to feel everything everyone emits.

I growled just before I lowered my head to his crotch and ripped his zipper open. The smell of him was just as amazing as the first time we'd met.

I wanted him so much I didn't even bother pulling his pants off. I reached straight into the slit of his boxers and yanked his dick out then plunged forward with my mouth.

I took every inch of him in and moaned along his shaft causing his body to shiver and his hips to buck forward.

"Fuck, Bella…your mouth…you're fucking mouth…"

I slowly grazed back up his shaft and released him from my oral grasp.

"Tell me, baby…tell me about my mouth. Tell me how you like it."

"Dammit, Bella…don't. You'll make me cum."

"Why baby? Will you cum because I do this?"

I lowered my head and relaxed my jaw to absorb his entire length till he hit the back of my throat, pulling the venom to the surface. I pulled him out and gently stroked him with my hands while I lowered my mouth even further south to pull his balls into my mouth. He rewarded my work with a growl which only soaked my thong further.

"Bella, please. I need you. I need to feel you from the inside. You're driving me crazy. Oh God, baby…"

I knew he was growing restless but I wasn't done yet.

I made my way back to his shaft and sucked on him holding nothing back. And just when his moans started signaling his approaching release I stopped.

"What the fuck, Bella? Why did you stop?"

I stood up and ripped my jeans and thong off. I dropped down to his chest and licked my fingers right before I buried them inside myself. My rhythm was slow and taunting. The passion in his eyes was casting black over his eyes. His body was shivering underneath me.

But I wasn't done.

I shoved one of his fingers in my mouth and graciously soaked it with my venom. Then just when he thought I would finally straddle his throbbing cock, I slid his finger in my ass. I felt so many things at once.

The first was great pressure. But after a second to adjust, there was pleasure. I didn't think it was possible but the sensation of my venom coated around my finger was enough to ease the tension. As it gently wore off all I could feel was the passion growing between us.

His fingers pumped lovingly into me. No great force. Just my husband's loving fingers exploring my body.

"Fuck, Bella. So tight. Fuck baby. This feels so good. I didn't know you had it in you. Oh fuck."

And then right when he thought he couldn't take watching both of us finger me, I jumped up ripping both our fingers out of my body and slammed down on his cock.

"FUCK!"

"Mmmm, baby. You like when I ride you?"

"Shit, Bella. Please…you're…fuck…you're killing me…holy fuck…"

And then I rode him harder. And faster. I was plunging my body so hard on his cock the floor boards were cracking underneath us. The porch swing was crashing violently against the wall. The wind chime was barely hanging on and the steps leading to the porch were in shambles. I felt my body creeping closer and closer to my release. I wanted nothing more than my climax. It was building and building and plummeting through my body till it released and assaulted his cock with all my juice.

Then I felt him twitching underneath me. His was surfacing. He couldn't control it. His eyes glazed over even darker than they had been before. His hands gripped my hips, his body lunged forward and his teeth went straight to my left breast. The burn of his venom circulating through my body sent another orgasm crashing over me. This was the most powerful fucking we'd ever had. And now he had marked me. _His._

"UGH! Bella…Bella…"

I lowered my head to his chest and whispered, "I love you."

"Bella, I love you."

I stood up and looked down at his somewhat naked body, when I felt his semen trailing down my thigh.

"Oh, sweetie. Let me get you a towel or something."

He began to get up but I stopped him.

"No need, baby."

I brought my fingers to my thigh and cleaned it right off and licked every last drop off.

"Mmmm, delicious." I mumbled after releasing my fingers from my mouth with a pop.

"You're the devil." We both laughed and then locked eyes. He was ready again but we had other matters to attend to.

"I think we owe Esme a new porch." I looked at him then sighed…I wasn't looking forward to manual labor.

**********************************

After one thousand dollars worth of lumber and three hours of labor, Esme had herself a new porch.

"Wow, we did good." I was quite impressed with my handy work.

"Sure did. Now, what do you say we take a shower?" Lord, my husband was a horny bastard.

"That sounds like a great idea."

We walked hand in hand up through the door and up the stairs. As we walked towards our bedroom door my reflection on the glass back wall caught my eye and I dropped Edward's hand.

We were sparkling. Edward and I. I knew what we were but I was so amazed in how beautiful it all seemed to me. And then I really focused. On myself. I barely recognized the girl looking back at me.

She had luxurious brown curls cascading down her face and back, lips plump and red and seductive. Pale, smooth marble skin. Eyes, my goodness my eyes. They were the same topaz Edward's had always been. I hadn't realized until that moment that I hadn't really taken the time to look at myself. I was…beautiful.

I walked to our bedroom and saw Edward was already in the bath. I removed all my clothing and walked into the shower.

"What took you so long?"

"I just…I just saw my reflection for the first time. It was breathtaking."

"What, just now? You're just now seeing yourself?"

"Yeah, I hadn't really seen myself until the sun reflected off my skin and I saw us sparkling in the light. It was…amazing."

"Of course it was. You are the most beautiful woman in the world."

He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around my shoulders while he placed a gentle kiss on the tip of my nose.

"Bella, you are gorgeous. Don't ever doubt that."

He landed a few sweet kisses next to my lips then slowly traced his tongue down my neck.

"I love every part of your body. You're collarbone…," he licked and nibbled on my collarbone,"has been the center of many fantasies over the last couple years."

"Mmm, hum." My body was reignited with his touch. And I wanted more.

"Your breasts have made me weak since the first time I touched you."

"Uh, Edward. I love you so much."

"Bella, Bella. My Bella. I love you. I want to love you."

He planted more kisses along my collarbone and slowly made his way down to my right breast. He licked and sucked on my nipple just before he lightly bit it and sent electricity blazing through my body and down to my already extremely moist sex.

His hands ran agonizingly slow down the sides of my body and stopping at my hips. His tongue ran straight down from between my breast down to my navel.

Even with the steam of the shower, the scent of my arousal was flooding the room. I was soaked. Then he lowered himself down to his knees.

_YES!_

His right hand trailed down from my navel and down to my clit lightly pinching it before he grazed my folds in the worst and best possible tease. And before I could even vocalize my need for him, his mouth slammed down into my core forcing his tongue inside me.

He violently fucked my already weak pussy with his tongue. His teeth grazed and nipping at my clit. His tongue sending volcanic energy through my body. He was relentless and unforgiving of all the buildup of seeing each other. Being lost in each other. Being completely and totally in love with each other and being violently needy for each other. There was no denying how enslaved we were to each other. I could never deny him the way he could never deny me.

My orgasm was building and trying to force itself free. I clutch the walls and the tile began cracking under my hands. Edward's hands were so attached to my hips it was becoming painfully erotic.

"Edward! UH! Edward…I'm…shit…baby…"

"Bella, let go…baby…let me have it..."

I threw my head back with such force the wall cracked. And just when I allowed myself to let go…he stopped.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" I nearly took his head off, I was so pissed.

He brought himself back to his feet and said, "I'm getting ready to fuck my wife."

Then he took his rock hard and beautiful cock and shoved it right into me.

"FUCK! EDWARD!"

I wasn't going to last. He was pushing me so far.

He grabbed my right thigh and hitched my right leg around his waist then did the same with my left.

As I clung to him with my hands in his hair pulling it by the roots, he slammed into me repeatedly. Each time more savage then the last.

"FUCK! BELLA! I'm gonna come baby."

"UH! EDWARD! YES! OH!"

"Are you ready baby?"

"Uh! Edward…almost baby…just…a little...harder"

"You want it harder baby?"

"YES! Edward, please…har…harder...yes…fuck me"

With three more pumps he sent us crashing through the shower wall. The tile broke all around us as we found ourselves on a heap of tile, drywall and now very dirty carpet in the guest room next to our own. Water was spraying everywhere.

"Fuck! Now we have to fix the shower and the wall and replace the carpet."

I laughed at Edward's words. More manual labor for the day.

********************************

We opted to call a contractor. We figured this was best left to professionals. The service guy looked at us with quizzical stares as he inspected the damage. Edward was able to hear all the "what the fuck's" playing through his mind.

They were scheduled to begin work the following morning. This would work out after all. The family had called to say they would be staying in the cabin in Canada. Emmett had followed the scent of bear all the way across the border. Even in this life Emmett was ruled by his appetite. I found it endearing to see how human he behaved sometimes. It reminded me of what we no longer were.

I was staring out the back wall from Edward's piano gazing at the stars. Thinking of nothing and everything.

"Bella?"

Edward was coming from around the kitchen staring at me in complete wonder. No doubt still wishing he could hear my thoughts. I knew it still killed him that I was mute to him.

"Yeah, babe?"

"I think we should talk."

I picked his brain but found him blocking his thoughts from me. I was slowly learning on my own how to turn the switches on and off. It didn't even seem like much work so long as my emotions weren't heightened and I wasn't under pressure to do it. I constantly found myself trying to stay out of everyone's head but it really only seemed to intensify their voices inside of me. Edward told me I was trying too hard. To let my mind relax and it would slowly tune them out. And it usually did.

Alice's visions were a different story all together. It seemed like there was a television inside my head with someone constantly flipping the channel. Never staying on anything long enough to make heads or tails of it. Just enough to aggravate the fucking hell out of me. The headache that followed after spending too much time with Alice was brutal as well. I tried so hard to spend time with her but found it all so challenging and painful; I always had to make excuses to get away. It was killing me. I missed her so much.

"Bella?"

Shit…I had zoned out again.

"Hmm?"

"Did you hear me?"

"Huh? What? Sorry. I…I was just thinking. What were you saying?"

"I said I think we should talk financials."

"What for? You have money. I have money. What's there to say?"

I really didn't want to have this conversation. It was no secret the Cullen's were loaded. I had recently come into money but this was a recent development. But it was still mine. I hadn't actually thought about what I wanted to do with it. I was content knowing Charlie had cared enough to leave it to me but still felt guilty about wanting to spend it. This led to me thinking about spending Edward's. Then a whole new wave of guilt would take over me. I made sure to never think about these things around Jasper. The guilt was murder and felt horrible knowing he'd absorb it all from me.

We walked over to the dining room table and sat facing each other. The whole thing seemed really comical. _The dinner table_. We didn't even eat. Why did we have a table?

"Bella, I have made some arrangements as far as my personal finances are concerned. I-"

"Edward, please-"

He slammed his hand down on the table cracking one of the legs.

"Bella…please let me talk. I have set up an account for Renee and Phil. They will be taken care of for the rest of their lives. I also took it upon myself to contact the bank and I have paid off the balance of Renee's home in Phoenix. She is aware of it being taken care of but she thinks it came from Charlie. I have also made a donation in Charlie's and your name to the Washington State Law Enforcement Memorial as well as the Forks Police Department. The donations were both in the amount of five hundred thousand dollars. I-"

"EDWARD! Have you lost your mind? You donated over a million dollars?"

"Bella, really…we have almost no need for money. It is solely want and it gave me great pride to honor Charlie's name as well as yours. Now…as I was saying. I have also added you to all my bank accounts in the States along with all my offshore accounts. We also hold a "family" account in a Swedish bank which is kept for emergencies. We never touch it but we all have access to it. I have made a deposit of two millions dollars in an interest baring account in your name. This money is yours to do as you please. Anything we do jointly will be spent from my bank account. You've been added all my credit card which also holds no limit. I have downloaded all the information to the new laptop I have left on my desk in our room. Do you have any questions?"

He slid a black credit card across the table to me with the name _Isabella Cullen_ imprinted on there. My throat felt constricted. I sat breathless and speechless. I was amazed at how much money I never knew they all had.

"Edward, how is it possible to have so much money?"

"Well, Alice is psychic and Carlisle has a very high paying job and has been working for the better part of four hundred years. We have nothing binding us. We do not finance anything as it leaves a paper trail and could cause concern as far as our ages are concerned. My money has come from different sources over the years. When my mother and father passed I did inherit a large trust which I placed in an interest baring account and the interest over the last ninety years…well…let's just say it has served me well. My only indulgence has been my vehicles...and now..."

His voice trailed off and it unnerved me.

"Now what?" I was amazed I was even able to speak; my mind didn't even seem able to soak all this information in.

"Now, my only indulgence is whatever your heart desires."

"I'm ok. I can't even wrap my head around all this let alone think of what I'd like to spend it all on."

"Well, love at the very least we need to get you a car. We can't exactly walk to Denali and I wasn't particularly looking forward to driving the twenty four hundred miles in the Volvo or the Guardian."

"Twenty four hundred?" I knew Denali was far but shit…I didn't think it was that far.

"Yeah, it's a two day drive."

"Well, I guess we could look for a car."

The smile on his face spoke volumes. He had tricked me into this.

"Great! Then it's settled. Tomorrow we look for a new car. I was thinking of a Porsche Cayenne Turbo S. What do you think?"

I rolled my eyes and growled. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

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**AN: Sorry for taking so long getting this out. Work has really picked up lately and consequently I've been working longer hours. When I get home, all I want is dinner and my feet rubbed. Thank you all for coming back and reading. This chapter holds no real significance but I wanted to give them some "real life" crap to deal with. I thought the whole money thing was the best way to go. I know the numbers are outrageous, but come on people...it's called FANFICTION! I hope you enjoyed the lemons. They weren't as good as I would have like them but I did tease a little because I see more coming in the next couple chapters. This is just a taste. Thanks again for stopping by, your reviews make my day. Let me know if you'd like to get rammed by Edward so hard you crash through a wall!**

**Also, for anyone NOT reading Art After 5 by sleepyvalentina, first of all…GO READ IT. Second, my shout out to my BFF (show me your boobs) is code for I'm having a stressful day. Go read Art After 5 and you'll see why!**

**Why are you still reading my AN...go review! XOXO  
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	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you all for coming back.**

**Love to my BFF, Vern. LA '09 Baby!**

**Again…SM is the brains…I just get them naked.**

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**Chapter 10 – Family, Cars and Visitors**

"What the fuck happened here?!" I heard Emmett's voice and knew we were busted.

"Shit. They're home." Edward nodded his head and kissed me one last time before jumping off the bed.

"Honey, what do we tell them?" I whispered to Edward while putting my clothes back on.

We had laid in bed and talked and kissed all night. It felt great being the only two people around. No voices in both our heads, no visions, no headaches. We reminisced over the best moments in our lives. We talked about Charlie, Carlisle, our changes and Jake.

I was completely honest with Edward about everything I had said to Jake. I had known for a long time that Jake and Edward both deserved for me to cut the ties. Edward never spoke of how it all made him feel but I knew deep down, he was still a man; uncomfortable with me having a friendship with a member of the opposite sex. I had to make life altering decisions and I did. For that, I was proud of myself.

I knew for the most part Jake and I would probably never see each other again. There was no way. We brought out the worst in each other and we cared for each other for all the wrong reasons. But that was all in the past now. There was nowhere to go now except forward.

"The truth I suppose. Why should we lie?" Edward didn't even seem phased by the idea of talking about our sex life with our family.

"Are you insane? You expect me to just go out there and say, 'I fucked my husband and broke the porch and shower in the process'?"

"No need now Bells." Emmett was standing in the door way with a shit eating grin. I was about to launch into a tirade but noticed Rosalie and Alice holding back laughter behind him.

"UGH! Don't you all have any respect?" I yelled and practically stomped my feet like a two year old child.

"Bella", Alice called to me as she walked through the door. "There is nothing to be embarrassed about. I love you and I love my brother. We're all very happy to know that we all screw so violently we test the structural integrity of our homes."

She said the words to me like they were the simplest thing in the world while everyone laughed behind her. The smug smile on her face made me want to smack her but I loved her too much to allow that to happen.

"Don't even bother. You'd only cause problems between Jazz and Edward." She laughed as she walked out the door. I needed to learn how to block her visions on demand.

"BITCH!" I yelled to her back before she turned around and blew me a kiss.

"You'd never do it any way Bella. So don't even try." Edward had the same smug grin on his face as Alice had.

"So, Bella…" Emmett's lingering had not escaped my attention.

"Emmett, I'm not talking to you about mine and Edward's sex life. I've already told the girls the same. It's inappropriate and disrespectful."

"Come on, Bells. It's not like we aren't ever going to hear or know what's going on. We are vampires. We can hear everything. You're such a dork."

"Emmett, seriously. Neither Bella not I is going to share details with you about what goes on in our marriage." Edward finally came to his senses and said something in my defense.

"Edward, it's not like we don't all know you're fucking. I just want some insight on some things Rosie and I can do differently."

"EMMETT!" Rose yelled his name just before slapping the back of his head.

"Rose, I love you. You know I do. But I'm only going to take you doing that one more time before I snap your neck." Empty threats. We all knew it.

"Sure, Emmett. You go ahead and do that. Let's see who gets you off then." We all laughed at Rose's comeback.

She was feisty. I'd give her that any day.

Edward and I walked down to the living room and sat at his piano, whispering sweet nothings to each other. And we weren't the only ones. I glanced around the room and found everybody intertwined in each of their spouses arms. It amazed me that even as immortals we were all bound by more than just identical appetites. We were bound by love. _Love. _Each and every one of us had found their soul mates. I had never thought of the others in that sense but when I took the second to admire my surroundings…it all became crystal clear. Our bonds could not be broken. Damaged…I'm sure they could be; but never broken. We were all one.

I guess Jasper had noticed the shift in my mood from adoring my husband to admiring my family. He walked over to the piano after Edward stepped away for a minute to get his journal.

"What's so fascinating, pretty lady?" Jasper's eye twinkled at me while he spoke.

"Everyone. Everything. Our relationships. Our love for each other. I'd never really seen what family means to _this_ family. Charlie and I never spoke about our feelings and we were all we had. Neither one of us vested much in Renee. I didn't realize how much I was missing. I'm glad I have all of you now. I'd be lost if I didn't have you after losing Charlie."

I felt the would be tears in my eyes that would never spill over. I hadn't really spoken of Charlie, or Renee for that matter. She and I, for whatever reason, weren't speaking much to each other these days. I rarely called her and she rarely reached out to me. I didn't take it personal. This was the way we always had been. She followed the beat of her own drum; which typically, wasn't in sync with mine. I suddenly felt very sorry for Charlie. Although he knew, her leaving was never really about how he wasn't good for her, she wasn't good for him. Or me for that matter. I'm sure it still hurt him, but he had loved her enough to let her go. It took a very strong person to do that in my book. I knew that would never be Edward and me. We were meant for each other. Nothing would ever come between us. A small smile spread across my face.

"Bella, you are very loved in this family. And very needed. I don't think any of us could stand anymore of Edward's moping before you came around. It was pathetic. I won't even get started on the sexual release he desperately needed." Jasper's comment landed him a violent punch to the back of his arm from Edward.

"Asshole," Edward chuckled.

"Kids, language. Please." Esme, the voice of reason.

"Sorry Mom." Edward said before he put his arm around her and kissed her temple.

My world was complete. This was my family. For better or worse. Nothing could break us apart.

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"Edward…Porsche? Really?" We were pulling the mail from the box and I was cringing. There were pamphlets for every vehicle Porsche made.

"Bella, it's just a car."

"If it's just a car, then why can't I just buy a small American sedan?"

"You'd really rather have an American sedan over fine German engineering?" Edward and his car obsession was really starting to get on my nerves.

"It's just car! And did you or did you not say it was _my_ money?" Take that.

"Of course, it's your money. But I know more about cars then you do and although you are virtually indestructible, I want you in something safe. Not to mention I want the most beautiful woman in the world driving an equally beautiful car." He kissed my forehead then gazed lovingly into my eyes as we walked back into the house.

"Edward, I'm not human anymore. Your dazzling ways no longer have any effect on me." I rolled my eyes and plopped myself on the couch next to Alice, curling into her.

"Edward, no one wants to hear how you dazzle Bella in your bedroom so keep it to yourself." Alice looked over to him as she spoke then stuck her tongue out at him.

I was enjoying the feeling of snuggling with her so was able to keep myself in check. I wasn't impairing anyone's gift and I wasn't invading on anyone's thoughts. My head felt very clear for the first time in weeks. This whole family thing was really rewarding.

"Alice, help me. Tell Bella how great a Porsche would be."

"Edward, although you do have a great point, this is Bella's decision. Just let her get what she wants. Besides, I'm bias. It's not fair to ask my opinion." Edward was sticking his tongue at Alice now.

"Jazz, brother. Come on. Help me out here. Be the voice of reason to Bella." This man was desperate.

"Edward, I don't even drive. Let the girl decide for herself. And if you want the Porsche so bad, just buy the damn thing for yourself." Now Jasper was the eye roller.

"Would you all please stop talking about me like I'm not in the room? It's frustrating." I jumped up from the couch and froze.

"Bella? Are you ok?" I heard Edward's voice but couldn't get my mind and body to work together.

I turned toward the front door.

"Bella, what is it?" Alice's face was agony.

_I'll just be friendly. Those are my only intentions. I want to get to know the bride. Edward's a dear friend. Nothing more. Kate's just paranoid. Carlisle will welcome me with open arms. They're just being ridiculous._

"Someone's coming." My words were so quiet I was surprised anyone even heard me.

"Who?" Edward was the first to respond.

Carlisle, Esme and Emmett were coming down the stairs while Rose was coming in from the garage.

"I don't know. But they know you guys. I can't figure it out. I recognize the voice but I…I just can't remember."

"It's Tanya. Edward, Tanya's come here to see you and Bella." Alice's face turned sour as she spoke to Edward.

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I wasn't sure why she was here to see us. But it was disturbing that she seemed like she was trying to convince herself that her visit was innocent. And it felt very wrong to invade her thoughts. I didn't know her at all. She was just a friend of the family. But by the same token, I knew she carried something for Edward. It wasn't necessarily _feelings_ but he was someone she was not able to dominate and that aggravated her. That much I knew. But I respected that she was a friend and gave her the benefit of the doubt. How bad could this visit be?

The knock at the door caused me to flinch. I'm not sure why. It's not like I'd been caught off guard but something wasn't right.

Alice walked to the door and greeted Tanya with open arms.

"Alice, it's so good to see you. Where is that lovely husband of yours?" Her voice seemed so fake; almost like she was trying too hard.

"He's around. How are you? What brings you by?" I could see the agitation growing in Alice and the immense pressure she was putting on herself to stay calm. She didn't trust her and I wasn't really sure why.

"I actually came by to visit with Edward and Bella. I did not get much of an opportunity to get to know her at the wedding and since I have not spoken to many of you all in months, I thought…why not? So I got on the first plane down and just decided to pop in. I hope I'm not intruding."

"Tanya, of course not. You are always welcome in our home. Please, make yourself comfortable. I'll get you settled in the guest room." Carlisle picked up her one suitcase and walked straight to the guest room.

I didn't like the idea of her nesting next to our bedroom. If we were intimate or had any private conversations, yes she'd know it regardless but this felt like she was invading my personal space which didn't sit very well with me. It took a lot of self control to not speak my mind when Carlisle offered it to her.

"Rosalie. As beautiful as ever. How are you?" I guess she was continuing the round of greetings while I had spaced out.

"Tanya," was all Rose said before walking back to the garage. I wasn't sure why. I'd have to ask her about that later.

"Tanya, please excuse Rose. She's not her usual cheerful self today." Emmett embraced her before walking out to the garage to his wife's side before she castrated him.

I hadn't noticed that Jasper and Esme had snuck out of the living room, but they had. Which only left Edward and I to greet.

"Edward. It's lovely to see you again. Marriage suits you. You are positively glowing. Won't you introduce me to your wife?"

"Tanya, you are looking lovely as ever and it's wonderful to see you. This here," Edward snuck an arm around my waist and said, "is my Bella."

She turned to me and for a minute I could almost swear she was throwing daggers with her eyes at me but I blew it off.

"Bella, my goodness. You are radiant. It's a pleasure to meet the woman who finally landed our dear Edward."

"Tanya, we've met before. Remember? At my wedding? I was the one in white." The words fell out before I could even think to say them and were coated in venom. Alice held in her laughter with all her might.

"_Good one, Bella. That was good. I'm not sure why she's acting this way. Keep your eyes open."_

It was nerve racking to hear these thoughts from Alice. I'd never trusted this woman, now she was staying in our house, next to my bedroom, making small talk with my family and blocking her thoughts from me apparently because I kept trying to dip in there and found nothing. She seemed to really be concentrating on keeping quiet.

"Of course, Bella. You were a vision. It was a real treat welcoming a new member to this family. The Cullens are dear friends of mine and my sisters. Watching Edward marry you was like watching our own flesh and blood. You can understand I'm sure. You have family, don't you?"

Her words cut deep. Very deep. I wasn't sure if she had spoken them to be mean or because she was unaware that I'd recently lost my father. Neither theory sat well with me. She was supposed to be here to get to know me yet she didn't bother calling and asking permission to stop by. She didn't notify anyone she was even coming. She had private thoughts, which seemed like a pep talk, in her head about how innocent this was. I could clearly tell this visit was not. I couldn't pull it from her thoughts but why else would she have had the conversation in her head. She was trying to convince herself of her own innocence.

Then I wondered if she was really just trying to make peace with the fact that Edward was happy now and that ship had sailed for him and her. Thinking that only made me upset. I was letting my mind play tricks on me. The Cullens considered her family and now _I_ was a Cullen. I should be treating her with respect. She'd done that much for me. She came to my wedding. Congratulated us on our nuptials and quietly enjoyed the evening. She had not had been rude or unpleasant to me in any way since she walked through that door. My behavior was childish and inexcusable. I was better than this.

Edward and Alice tensed with Tanya's words.

"Did I say something wrong?" Her voice was soft and timid.

"No. You did not. I recently lost my father and my mother is still living in Florida right now. Edward and Alice were just afraid your question would get the better of me. But no need to worry. I'm a firm believer that he is in a better place now."

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I did not know. If I had…well…gosh. This is…I'm very sorry. That was quite rude of me."

She sounded sincere enough and I realized she really didn't mean any harm by what she had said.

"Tanya, please do not apologize. How could you have known? Please, don't let it trouble you. We're here to get to know each other so let's all have a seat and catch up."

I turned to walk back to the couch which for some reason I had drifted from. I made sure to sit on the loveseat so there was only room for myself and Edward but he didn't sit with me. Instead he sat on the opposite end of the same couch Tanya was seated at. I found the gesture odd and almost rude but let it slide. I was sure it was nothing personal.

Or is it?

Alice, Edward, Tanya and I all sat around talking and playing Seinfeld Scene It. I won hands down. I loved that show. About an hour later, Tanya excused herself for a hunt. As soon as she left Edward wandered back over to his piano and began working on the same piece he had started earlier.

"_Meet me outside."_

Alice got up from off the floor and slowly walked out the front door. I wasn't sure why she hadn't said it out loud but could tell there was something she wouldn't share with the rest of the family.

I walked out the door and spotted Alice about fifty feet down the drive way. I walked over to her silently praying she wanted some old fashioned girl talk and not a grab your husband and run kind of speech.

"Bella, I don't like her being here. I don't trust her. Neither dose Rose."

"Is that why Rose just walked out on her being here?" Rose not liking someone was nothing new but she usually had her reasons.

"Yes. Rose walked in on Tanya trying to seduce Emmett once about thirty years ago and has never forgotten. Rose is not someone you want against you."

"Why would she do that? Isn't she supposed to be like family to you all?" Wow, this girl had some balls. Emmett is a married man.

"She did it to prove she could. She didn't want Emmett. Never has. She did it because she wanted to prove to Rose just because she was beautiful and Emmett only had eyes for her didn't mean he wasn't immune to her gift. She loves knowing men are positively defenseless when it comes to her gift. Her sexuality is so powerful she makes Jazz's body ache when she's around." Alice rolled her eyes and slumped her shoulders.

"Poor Jasper. No wonder he walked out of the room. What about Esme? Where did she go? And why?"

"Esme has no respect for her after what she pulled with Emmett. You have to remember that Esme sees us all as her children. In her eyes Emmett was being toyed with and Rose was disrespected. She's like a pit bull. You're not going to mess with her family, but she has to let it all go because they are friends of Carlisle and he is her world. What else is she to do? That is her husband. The only man she has ever truly loved. "

Alice's words sounded like warning sirens to me. Tanya had no respect for family or marriage vows. I wondered if she would ever stoop low enough to unleash her hold on Edward. It scared me to think that she was strong enough and old enough to be able to get inside Edward's mind and body without his consent. She was a serious threat to anyone in a three mile radius. But I trusted Edward. I knew he loved me. That was enough to keep me feeling safe.

I think.

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**AN: OK. So I know it's been a while. I know I sound like a broken record but real life does constantly get in the way. Things seem to be calming down so I will try and get updates out in a more timely manner. I won't promise anything because I don't want to piss you guys off but I will try really hard. Thanks again for coming back and giving me the time of day, you make every day brighter. Show me some love and forgivesness for taking so long and click that little green button. XOXO**


	11. Chapter 11

**HI! Remember me?**

**I know I'm a shit. I won't lie…I've been reading fics more then I've been concentrating on writing my own. I hope no one's mad.**

**But thank you for staying interested enough to come back.**

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**Chapter 11 – Fresh Air**

I walked back into the house. Alice's words replaying in my mind like a broken record. I knew I shouldn't take her words lightly but opted to not overreact unless I had good reason to believe there was a threat.

Edward was sitting at his piano. Playing a light and chipper tune I didn't recognize.

"Honey, would you play my lullaby for me?" I snaked my arms around Edward's waist as he sat on the bench of his piano.

"Of course", he replied then turned his face to place a soft kiss on my cheek.

I released my hold on him then sat on the bench beside him, gazing at his hands. It amazed me that they were so capable of so many different things. Strength, love and wonder. The same as the rest of him. Full of love. That was all I needed to know. Edward was the man of the dreams I never knew I had. He was the person I gravitated to even before I realized I wanted to. I fell so deeply in love with him and was unaware of the magnitude of how in love I really was till I saw him standing at that alter, that beautiful day. I couldn't imagine anyone more perfect to be with. And he wanted me. Only me. I could not explain it but he did.

Yet, there was something brewing under the surface. Something I couldn't quite see yet but I felt it. Something was changing or shifting. I wasn't quite sure but the feeling was rolling in, in short waves. I tried telling myself it didn't matter and whatever it was, good or bad, I'd deal with once it actually got here. No sense in missing out on the current moments for something I knew nothing about.

The music played gently in my ears. Edward, as always, never seized to amaze me. He was immensely talented and I felt like I had nothing to offer him. I knew this before I married him. I wasn't educated at some Ivy League school, I had no fortune outside of the small one Charlie had recently left me, I had no family name of value, I was not some raving beauty, I had no skills, talents or even hobbies. I was some dull ordinary girl who was now a vampire. And I'd only become one by "chance". It wasn't the way I'd hoped and certainly not what Edward had wanted but it happened. For that I was grateful. At least it was more thing accomplished. A small part of me still wished I could turn the hands of time back, but alas, I was only a vampire and the power to manipulate time, was not a gift I possessed.

The music continued freely as Edward's fingers worked madly across the ivory and ebony keys. It was enlightening, beautiful and very sensual. I'd never realized it was either. The melody seemed to hold some kind of sexual bravado in it that I'd never really heard before. My new senses, no doubt, bringing forth new wonders in this new life.

"Bella, did you hear me?" Edward's voice broke me from my reverie.

"I'm sorry, love. What was that?"

He chuckled. "I asked, if you enjoyed it?"

"I did. Very much so." I smiled at him and gazed into his beautiful eyes. Memorized that the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on had fallen in love with dull old me. And if that wasn't enough, he married me and changed me. Made me his equal. I'd never be as strong or as fast as Edward but we were on the same page, at the very least.

"Bella...you seem so lost in thought. Is everything ok?"

"Everything's fine, sweety. Honestly."

"Bella, what has you so preoccupied then?"

"Nothing. Well, nothing bad. I'm just thinking about us. How far we've come. How much we've done together. The obstacles we've faced and triumphed over. There was always so much against us, yet we survived. Just like I knew we would." I cupped his face with my hand then leaned in for a gentle kiss but he pulled away suddenly.

"Bella; you didn't make it. I lost control on our honeymoon. Now here you are, eternally damned. I wonder how you can love me after all that has happened."

He slowly got up from his piano bench and made his way to the south wall of the house. I had never really thought about how much it still bothered him. I knew it affected him deeply but I didn't think it still pained him to think about. Honestly, what could we do at this point? And what did it matter? This was my plan for the long haul anyway. I wasn't going to live without him. Ever. This was a logical step in our relationship. Maybe it wasn't the next step but it happened nonetheless.

Truthfully, all I really wanted to do was kick him in the balls for this because, quite frankly, it was pissing me off. I was tired of reliving this. I saw it in his head all the time but I never thought to pick at his emotions. I wondered if this was the reason he didn't sit beside me on the couch earlier. It had to be. I wouldn't allow myself to think it was about Tanya. Or was it?

I wonder if she was having some kind of effect on him. It made sense. Sort of. He didn't seem himself since she walked in the door. He seemed preoccupied and distant. Of course to be fair, it had only been a few hours since she arrived.

Was it possible that I wasn't as attractive as I thought I was? Surely my change had had some kind of positive effect on me. I could hear the disgusting things Emmett thought of whenever he saw me walk through a room. And it never went unnoticed when Jazz had to mentally tell himself "dude, don't stare at her tits; she's your sister in law. It's inappropriate and she's a lady." It was quite comical actually.

I was being ridiculous. Tanya was not a factor. She was a guest and I should treat her as such. The way I knew she would treat me if I was a guest in her home.

I mentally slapped myself for wandering off, again.

"Edward, I don't regret anything that has happened between us. I understand how you may feel about it all, but really. Would you have me any other way? Would you prefer I was still a helpless fragile human? One who could not protect herself? One who is constantly at threat for her husband killing her while he made love to her? Is that really what you want? Because it's not what I want. I love my life. I love this family. I love every memory we've ever made together. Why is it not enough for you?" My words became somewhat clipped towards the end there. I was aggravated and hurt but I was mostly pissed. This routine was getting old and if I had to talk about it one more time I might rip his fucking arms off.

"Of course not. I'd never want to hurt you. Not now, not then. But I wanted you to live a full and happy life. I wanted you to go to college, have children. I wanted you to age and live to see every birthday I never got to. Is it so wrong for me to want that, for you?"

"No. It's completely understandable but be realistic Edward. How was I going to have children? In case, no one has told you: you're a vampire. You're boys are dead and not likely to be able to fertilize shit. And who said I ever wanted kids either? Who says my life is not happy and fulfilling? I can still go to college. Last I checked, I'm positively made of time. And quit all this 'live the life I was never able to' shit. Carlisle made you as a companion for himself. He's raised you as his own flesh and blood. He's shown you the ways of the world you live in. He's cared for and nurtured you. He's worked tirelessly for years to provide and better himself for the sake of this family. So when you talk about the life you wish you had received, it sounds a little like you're spitting in his face which I don't' appreciate so back the fuck off him already. Have you ever thought about how crap like that makes him feel. I'm guessing not judging by your quizzical look. Think about that. Now, quite your bitching and for fuck's sake…GROW UP!"

I stomped out the living room and straight through the front door, slamming it behind me and shattering Esme's bay windows in the process. That damn contractor was going to make a fortune off of us.

I paced up and down the mile long driveway. I was irritated and if I had to hear him bitch one more time I was going to kill someone. It was ridiculous. Carlisle was his father for all intents and purposes and yet, everything he'd ever done went unappreciated as far as I could tell. Between Edward and Rosalie, I'd had all the fucking sob stories I could take. They'd had it easy if you asked me. They didn't have to bury their parents after their changes. They weren't left with memories that would never fade. The lives they had lived were very much forgotten. I hadn't forgotten anything and it still hurt deeply just to think about Charlie. And fuck, if it didn't hurt not to be able to cry. I'd never appreciated it as a human and now all I wanted was some sort of release. Why couldn't they just be fucking happy for small favors. I mean we were fucking vampires. We could kill people on demand. Not that I condone that kind of behavior, but shit.

I noticed I had created a pretty foul mouthed mental Bella. And shit I loved it. I did all the things I'd never been able to do before. I stayed up late, I had sex, I cussed, I didn't care anymore. It was quite liberating.

I heard footsteps behind me and was about to start yelling at Edward to leave me alone but it wasn't he scent I caught.

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice was just a whisper.

"Hi Carlisle. I'm sorry about the window. Edward and I had…words. My emotions got the best of me. I'll have a contractor come fix it later. I'll apologize to Esme." I thought he was here to reprimand me.

"Bella, don't be silly. No one is mad at you. And I didn't come to talk about that. I came because I heard what you and Edward were talking about. And I…" His words trailed off and I wondered if he was confused or afraid of what he was about to say.

"Carlisle, whatever it is, you can tell me."

"Yes. You are. You always are. Here for us. All of us. Thank you."

I gazed deeply into his eyes and turned my head slightly. His words had caught me so off guard. I couldn't figure out what the hell he was thankful for.

"For defending me back there. No one ever has. And you're right. It makes me feel very guilty for having brought them into this world. I always thought I was providing them a second chance. Maybe not so much at a new life but a fresh start. They could be whoever they wanted to be now. I knew it was difficult when they were newborns but I always knew I was up to the challenge. I knew I could care for them the way I'd always wanted to care for children of my own. I was never given that opportunity so this was the only contingency plan I had. Maybe it was wrong of me to want some companionship. Maybe Edward deserved better but it was all I could give. He practically died alone. It killed me to think he'd leave this life without so much as a visitor to his gravely bedside. I thought I was doing right by him. I was fulfilling his mothers request. I guess I'll never know what she truly meant but I had good intentions. I really did. Even with Rosalie. I thought she could be a companion to Edward. I thought they could be each others mates but obviously it wasn't mean to be. They weren't right for each other. I saw that. But it brought her to Emmett, whom I can never regret having changed. The same way I could never regret changing Edward or Rose. They are my children now. I've enjoyed seeing them meet their better halves and falling madly in love with them. The way I did with Esme. It was the only way. I can never regret bringing two soul mates together. I just wished they saw that."

If I was a betting woman, I would have bet that if it were possible, Carlisle would have cried me a river in that moment. I could see the pain rolling off him. He was deeply troubled by their consistent bitching. And who wouldn't be? They were ungrateful children as far as I could tell.

"Carlisle, I think you're a wonderful person for having done what you did. How else would I have ever have crossed paths with Edward? We come from two very different times. There was no way. And Emmett and Rose? Same thing. And in case you've never noticed, Emmett thinks being a vampire is the greatest thing in the world!"

"Yes! He sure does!"

We both laughed and it filled the empty forest around us.

Carlisle and I had never really had any moments together. We'd had a serious conversation in his office after the incident with Jasper after my eighteenth birthday but nothing to the caliber that we had just had and if felt very rewarding. I could tell it was a huge relief to get all of it off his chest. I wondered how long he'd kept all that bottled inside. I wondered if he had ever told Esme how he felt about all of this. And if he had, what did she think about it all? I couldn't imagine her ever not appreciating what he'd done for her. This was her second chance at motherhood. All she had ever wanted was children of her own and he had given her that. He'd loved her unconditionally and gave her anything her heart desired. He was ok in my book.

"Thank you, Bella. For speaking for me, but mostly for listening. It's a great relief to share myself with you. You're a very important part of this family. You've completed it by bringing Edward all the happiness you have. It's brought me great joy to see him smile. Before you, Edward smiling was just a theory. Something I thought could happen but I had never done enough research to prove it was possible." He gazed lovingly into my eyes and for a brief moment, it felt so easy. The way it always had with Charlie.

"Now, if you'll excuse me; I've got a wife I'd like to share my love with."

He smiled at me before gently pulling me into a hug. We held each other for just a few seconds but it felt as comforting as it always had when Charlie and I, on our rare occasions, expressed our love for each other physically. Carlisle felt like home to me. Like one more person who would always be there for me. No matter what.

"Thank you for sharing yourself with me, Carlisle. It's a great feeling to know I still have a father figure to turn to."

He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead and we both were amazed to find Edward watching us both.

"Am I interrupting?" Edward's voice was timid and full of sorrow.

"Of course not, son. She's all yours."

We released each other from our embrace and Carlisle made his way back to the house. I didn't dare look Edward in the eye. I was still upset and felt like he should suffer with my silence and my back to him a little longer.

"Bella? Can we talk?"

"About what, Edward?" My response was a little more clipped than I intended but I didn't care much either.

"About what happened inside. If you need some space I'll let you be."

I wanted to tell him to get lost but knew the minute I saw him walk away, it would break my heart. I still couldn't bear the thought of watching him walk away again. It was still too familiar and painful. I didn't think it was something I could ever really get over. So I made a peace offering instead.

"Would you like to go for a walk with me?" It was the only thing I could think of to ease the tension.

"I'd love to."

He quickly reached for my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine. It seemed like in that moment, the entire world had shifted back into place. My shitty mood had receded and I felt whole again. I had not processed the fact that I had even felt so until that moment. I saw clearly now that every time I lashed out at him or anything for that matter, it was me being off balance because of my serious fear of him leaving again. The human part of me still feared our marriage wasn't enough to keep him happy. I wasn't enough. I never would be. I'd always known that. It had never made sense for him to love me. I wouldn't dare share this with him though. I vowed to myself from this moment forward, I would just enjoy every second I had with him.

We walked quietly for about ten minutes before the silence was too much.

"Bella"

"Edward"

We both addressed each other at the exact same moment than broke out in hysterics.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to pull away from you the way I did earlier. It's still very painful to think and know I robbed you of your innocence. That I forced this life on you. That I ignored Alice's pleas to be careful. I wanted so much more for you but essentially I was selfish. And for that, I felt you were damned the same way I was. But I never stopped to think about what things might look like for Carlisle. He's my father and I basically just shit on him for everything he did for me. Everything he forgave me for. I was an asshole and I'm very sorry. Please say that you can forgive me."

I stopped us abruptly and turned to face him. I placed both my hands on his gloriously beautiful face and said, "Edward, I can't imagine what this does to you. You are quite the martyr but this is what I wanted. Please, don't kill yourself over it. And you should be apologizing to Carlisle, not me."

"I know. And I will, but for now. I need your forgiveness."

"Then you've got it, baby. You know that."

"That's all I needed to hear."

Then he crashed his lips to mine. He'd never kissed me like this before. He was full of passion and desire and want. His right hand slid up my back and laced his fingers into my hair. My hands were sitting restlessly on his hips, holding him to me harder. I could feel his erection growing against my stomach and it made me moan into his mouth.

It was the only sign he needed that I wanted it just as bad as he did.

He quickly reached for the hem of my shirt and pulled away from my face just long enough to pull it over my head. His lips were back on mine just as quickly as they had been before. His hands ghosted over my ribs and to my breast, his fingers pinching my nipples as they arrived to their destination. My hands shot up to feel his perfectly sculpted chest and pulled angrily on his shirt. I was desperate for skin to skin contact. I found the top button of it and ripped it off his body. He freed his mouth from mine while pulling the cup of my bra to my left breast down and attached himself to me. His sucking was hard and relentless just before releasing it and languidly licking my nipple. The sensation was overwhelming.

"Uh, Edward…"

"Tell me what you want, baby. Whatever it is. I'll give it to you."

"I want _you_ baby. Only you."

He slowly laid me down on the bare ground. Running his fingers up my sides, he gently kissed and licked my nipples before he reached down and unbuttoned my jeans. My arousal was filling my senses and I briefly wondered what it was like for him.

Slipping my shoes off, he pulled my jeans down my legs and off my body laying them behind him.

"You're beautiful Bella. So very beautiful."

"I love you, Edward."

He leaned down and licked me from my right ankle up to my knee, then kissed my cloth covered and overheated sex.

"Please, don't tease me baby. I cant take it."

He chuckled but re focused on the task at hand, sliding his fingers underneath the waistband of my cheeky underwear, he slithered them down my legs and off my feet. He brought two of his fingers to my mouth.

"Lick." He said.

I lazily ran my tongue over, under and through his fingers. I circled my tongue drastically across twice before I brought them into my mouth fully, pushing my tongue in between the two and sliding them out. He growled then pulled them out and slid them into my already wet entrance.

"Bella. So wet baby."

"All for you."

He pumped into me repeatedly while I massaged my breasts and pinched and pulled my nipples. I closed my eyes to capture myself in the moment but could feel him watching me. The intensity of his gaze was arousing me further. I could hear his labored breath and the clenching of his teeth.

"Edward! Yes! So good…baby…so good"

He pumped into me even more rapidly then he had been and brought his thumb down on my clit and ran circles over it pushing me over the edge.

"EDWARD!"

"Bella, let go…come for me"

So I did. Hard. My body convulsed. My hands dug holes into the ground. My head beat down on the floor and crunched the rocks underneath me. My legs quivered and shook as it all overtook me. My eyes felt like they would roll to the back of my head but I willed them back to focus on the lust filled gaze he was giving me.

As I came down from my euphoric state, I took one deep breath then jumped onto him, slamming him to the forest floor. I lunged for his belt and ripped it clear off his pants, tearing the belt loops right off in the process. I grabbed hold of the waistband of his jeans and yanked them down to his knees. It was about all I could do considering he still had his shoes on.

I took his enormous erection into my hands, pumped him twice then dropped straight down on it with my mouth.

"FUCK! Bel…Bella…fuck"

I sucked and licked and bit down on him like there was no tomorrow. I was so consumed with my need for him. It had only been hours since we'd last been together but it was far too long in my book. I lavished him with my need which served to arouse me further. Even I could not ignore my scent permeating through the air.

"Bella, please…don't make me come yet…I wa-…oh fuck…I want to be…SHIT…inside y-you."

I slowly slid my tongue off his perfect cock and reached down to remove his shoes and socks.

"You're going to make me wait over shoes and pants?" His voice was pained and pleading for release.

"It's not fair that I'm naked and you're not. Is it?" I teasingly said.

"You're not completely naked. You still have a bra on." He quirked his eyebrows at me.

"Edward Cullen…are you flirting with me?"

"It depends."

"On what, exactly?"

"Is it working?"

I rolled my eyes but slid his jeans off.

"Don't roll your eyes at me woman!"

"Or what, boy!"

Without a single word he was up on his feet, one hand wrapped around my waist from behind, the other leaning against the tree he'd slammed us into next to me face.

"Or I may have to punish you."

"Really?" I whispered in the sexiest voice I could manage.

"Yes, it is. Does that turn you on?"

"Edward, it makes me so wet."

"How wet, Bella."

"Take a look for yourself."

Then he rammed his cock into my sex, which was dripping with my arousal. His cock slid into me so easily it felt like it was caked in cooking oil. He slammed into me repeatedly. My chest burnishing the forest tree, leaving shards of tree trunk falling to the floor.

I traced circles on my clit with my own hands while his held steady on my hips and the tree. I could feel the desire raging in the pit of my stomach. The vulgarity of the way he'd grabbed me and taken me was more than I could bear. I hadn't figured myself for a rough sex kind of gal but I was learning that I was definitely into it.

'FUCK! Bella…you're so wet baby…so tight…I'm going to come."

"Ed…Edward…I'm so close."

And I was. I could feel the tingling sensation. The electricity running through my body. Taking no prisoners. Boiling over the pot, into my arms, down my hands and then total explosion.

"FUCK! EDWARD!"

"Yes…Bella. Tell me you feel good. Come on baby…tell me."

"So good baby…so FUCKING good!"

"You ready for me to finish baby? I'm ready. I'm so close…so close."

"Yes. Edward…fill me up baby…come for me…NOW!"

And he did. He filled my with his sweet juice. I could feel his cock pulsing inside me. Flooding me with his release. And it was divine. His balls were throbbing as he continued to pour himself into me.

He slowly withdrew himself from me and turned me around, placing a sweet kiss on my lips. "I love you more than life itself Bella. Don't ever forget that."

He leaned in to hug me and I closed my eyes to capture this moment and embed it forever into my brain. I drank in his sweet smell and drowned myself in the moment. "I love you too, Edward."

Still in Edward's arms, I opened my eyes to look at my beautiful husband but was not met by the vast beauty of the forest or his glorious face. Instead, I locked eyes with the peeping Tom who apparently had witnessed one of the most intimate moments I'd ever had with my husband. Fire raging in the eyes that stared back at me.

I was momentarily paralyzed until I heard a voice ring in my head.

"_Fucking bitch. He should have been mine."_

Without the slightest bit of hesitation, I lunged forward and with every intention to kill, sliced Tanya's neck with my teeth.

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**AN: I know I'm a shit for just leaving you hanging but seriously…how else do I get you to come back?! Thanks for reading, you guys are awesome and totally make me smile. I wish I had more for you but this chapter was hard enough to write. I couldn't stay focused and I just found out I may need a cornea transplant so yeah…shitty month. **

**Nevertheless…I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, whatever your holiday may be. **

**I'll try and get a better writing pattern laid out but I won't promise anything. I have a two year old who doesn't approve of me not paying him 1000% of my attention.**

**Show me some love…click that oh so cute review button…**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello beautiful people! Yeah, I'm an asshole. Sorry. This was the quickest I could get anything out. Sorry about that. If you don't hate me now, you will soon enough…**

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**Chapter 12 – The Dreams in which I'm dying are the Best I've Ever Had**

A couple different things happened at once. Edward had his arms around my waist trying to pry me from Tanya. Emmett was rambling on about my naked body in his head, Rosalie was laughing like a damn hyena, Carlisle grabbed a hold of Tanya and lastly…my body burned from the consumption of Tanya's venom I was ingesting.

"BELLA! STOP!" Edward's yelling was really unnecessary. I mean he was right in my ear, he could have whispered the words and I still would have heard him. And I couldn't help but wonder what the fuck he was yelling at me for. She was the asshole that had been watching us.

With one last hard tug of my body, Edward was able to pry me from her. Esme appeared before me with a blanket to wrap myself in.

"Bella? What has gotten into you?" I turned to face Edward and felt my anger boil over.

"What's gotten into me? Why don't you ask that bitch?!" We both turned to face Tanya, who was being assisted by Carlisle to clean her wound which was healing rapidly.

"Ed…Edward. I assure you, I have no idea what she is talking about." Tanya grimaced in pain while Carlisle instructed her not to speak until the wound was fully closed.

"Oh fuck you! I heard you. I heard what you said. Stupid bitch. Did you honestly think I wouldn't? Did you think I couldn't hear what you were thinking? I knew it. I fucking knew it. You're after Edward. You can't be trusted. I knew it." I stammered around like a damn toddler. I was pissed. She knew damn well what I was talking about.

"Bella…I hones…shit…I honestly don't know what you are talking about. If I did some..ow…something to offend you. I'm very sorry. Fuck! Carlisle, this really fucking hurts."

"Tanya, relax. Stop talking. Just give it a few minutes. The venom will close it up."

"Bella. Please? What did you hear?" Edward looked me right in the eye when he spoke to me. And something fanned across his face I didn't recognize. Frustration? Confusion? I wasn't sure.

"I heard her say, 'fucking bitch. He should have been mine'. She was watching us make love and said it. What could she have been talking about if it wasn't you?"

"OH! Bella! I'm so sorry. I…shit…I can see why you would have thought that. Please. Hear me out…"

"I have nothing to say to you Tanya and I don't want to hear anything you have to say." I turned my face and attempted to walk away but Edward prevented me from doing so.

"Bella, I think you could at least attempt to hear her explanation." I glared at him but chose to behave like an adult and hear her out.

"Alright. Let's have it, Tanya. How the hell could I have been confused?"

"Bella, I'm very sorry. I honestly stumbled upon you and Edward purely by accident. I was out hunting. I was making my way back to the house but I caught the scent of a small buck lingering near the house. It was very distracting. I tried to ignore it but…he smelled absolutely divine. I couldn't just walk away so I gave myself a minute to compose myself and I slowly made my way over to him. Unfortunately, I wasn't the only who had caught his scent. So did a very large cougar…which was totally amazing by the way. I've never seen them in this area. But that cougar caught the buck. I was pissed. I saw her glaring at me; almost taunting me. And I thought to myself…fucking bitch. He should have been mine. But I said it as I turned and saw you and Edward…um…together. I can see how that would have looked to you. I apologize. I really meant no harm. I certainly wasn't trying to intrude on your...um...intimate moment. Please?"

"If that's true then where the hell is this buck? I didn't see or smell anything."

"They're about ten yards out. South of us. I think…well…you seemed very distracted."

"Bella. I can smell both animals. We were both pretty caught in the moment. It's not impossible for us to not have realized it. We've recently hunted so had no need to focus on the wildlife surrounding us." Edward smiled at me, remembering our heated love making. A cool breeze swept in and I caught the scent of the fresh kill and the unfamiliar scent of an animal which could only have been the cougar since I was not familiar with it in this neck of the woods.

"Oh…Oh my…Tanya. I'm so sorry. God, I feel like a real ass. This is really embarrassing. Oh God, Edward…please kill me now." I buried my head in his chest, attempting to hide myself from all the curious looks I was receiving.

"Oh, Bella! Don't apologize. You did what any other sane woman would have done. Really. I might have a nice little scar on my neck now but look…I'm all healed."

She turned her face and stretched to show me her fully healed wound and all I wanted to do was die. I felt so humiliated. This was the dumbest thing I had ever done in my life. But there was still a voice in my head telling me to be cautious. This was still a woman that yearned for my husband with an insatiable appetite. But that didn't mean I didn't trust Edward either. I did. I knew he loved me and that was really all that mattered.

"Ok, well since I've thoroughly humiliated myself and seeing as how Emmett cannot keep the mental images of my naked body out of his head, I will return home and kill myself." I turned back toward Edward and his face was unreadable. His jaw was rigid and his eyes blank. It was somewhat irritating but also very alarming. Something was cooking under the surface and I didn't like it.

`~*

The next couple days were spent in a blur. Nothing really changed but something shifted between Edward and me. We spent all day together. We hunted together. We laughed, made love, spent time with the family and Tanya but something was just…off. I ultimately decided that what we needed more than anything else was a break. Just a small break from each other. I mean, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Although, I'll be the first to admit – having plenty of experience with being separated from him in the past – absence was a bitch. But I was still willing to do my part. Still willing to give him anything he needed. _Anything. He. Needed._

"Edward, I think I'm going to ask Alice and Rosalie to go on a hunt with me tonight. What do you think?" I turned to meet his eyes after I dressed myself post mediocre sex.

"Sure love. Whatever makes you happy?" He didn't meet my eyes the way I had hoped he would.

"Edward?"

"I said sure Bella." He said as he lay across his black sofa and turned the television on.

"Ok. Look. I know there is something off about us since the misunderstanding with Tanya, but I don't know how to fix something if you don't tell me what's wrong." I kept my voice both level and non-confrontational. I didn't want to further any anger he may have had towards me.

"Bella. Nothing's wrong. Invite my sisters hunting. Whatever but for crying out loud, let it go."

I'd been focusing over the course of the last week on keeping myself centered. Out of everyone's head. I was minding my own business, giving everyone their privacy; so was a little out of practice on trying to tinker in Edward's thoughts and had to really focus after that bullshit answer he'd just given me.

"Why are you blocking your thoughts from me? And what was with that stupid remark you made?" I was starting to struggle to keep my tone in check.

"I have no idea what you are talking about Bella. I'm not blocking anything from you. I'm not thinking of anything except what's on TV. And what remark are you talking about? I didn't say anything." He still wasn't looking at me as he spoke. It was really aggravating me.

"OH! Really? So this whole 'whatever but for crying out loud, let it go' that was nothing. You didn't mean anything by that? I'm so fucking sure! I'm not a child Edward. You never speak to me like this. Never and now all of sudden I'm…what? Annoying you? Is that it? Is that what you're fucking telling me?" I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest while I tapped my foot on the floor annoyingly.

"Bella, I didn't mean anything by it. You're reading more into my blasé comment than what was there. I apologize if you find my tone condescending; it wasn't intentional. But seeing as how you're taking the opportunity to address an issue that seems to really be troubling you; I do have a bone to pick with you…" He sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. The same way he'd always done when he was frustrated or irritated.

I cocked my eyebrow at him waiting for whatever he wanted to say.

"Look, I know you are your own person but quite frankly I'm getting really tired of the kind of language you've started using. It sounds terrible, makes you seem uneducated and honestly…it's unbecoming of a lady. I don't like nor do I approve of it."

I stared at him in complete wonder. I knew lately I had really let myself go but felt like I had good reason. I mean, a lot of stuff had happened. Things that hurt me, things that still haunted me. The loss of my father was with me every moment of every day. I missed him like crazy and kept it all bottled up inside me. In the last couple years, Charlie and I had grown and welded a relationship together that had once seemed impossible. He was the only love outside of Edward that I had. Losing him after I'd been changed would never escape me. The pain and memories would never fade. Not like my human years. They'd be a constant for the rest of my existence.

And Renee. Oh Lord…Renee. I rarely spoke to her anymore and when I did it was all so routine and almost sounded rehearsed. I didn't feel that pull towards her like I had in the past. It was alarming because she had always been my best friend, my confidant and now…she just felt like an acquaintance. This wasn't necessarily a bad thing. I mean, I'd have to disappear from her life at some point. I'd think she'd notice if I stayed looking like a teenager while she continued to wither away into the old woman I had at one point imagined myself to be. I shivered just thinking about it.

"Because I love you so deeply, I'm going to take that comment with a grain of salt. It troubles you, ok. I'll try and keep my attitude and language in check but let's get one thing clear…you do not own me therefore, I don't need you to like or approve of the things I say or do. Do we understand each other…Edward?" I practically spit his name when it came out and I'm not sure why.

"I hear you loud and clear. Isabella." He nodded his head once and walked out the door. Leaving my still seething and even more irritated that there was clearly more on his mind than he was willing to share.

`~*

Alice danced into the bedroom, not even bothering to knock before entering.

"I think, going hunting with Rosalie and I is a great idea."

"Alice, would it kill you to not tell me what's going to happen?" I glared at her knowing she knew I was only kidding.

"It might. I'm so used to being in the dark where you're concerned now. But I saw that Rosalie had agreed to it so that's how I knew. This should be fun. Carlisle and Esme left this morning for Vancouver. They wanted a "weekend amongst adults" whatever that means." She even motioned air quotes when she said it.

"I think that translates to sex without witnesses. Wouldn't you say?" Rose stood in the door way while I got my boots on.

"Hey Rose. All ready?" I stood up from where I was seated on the bed and motioned out the door.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

They both followed me out the door and down the stairs. Edward was playing Monopoly with Tanya in the living room. Rose trailed behind Alice after her thoughts reached my head.

_Meet you outside._

I made to the landing and locked eyes with Tanya, who was offering a sympathetic smile. Clearly she could see I wanted a moment alone with him.

"I'll go say by to the girls before you leave." She got up from the couch and walked out to the back yard.

"Edward?"

"Yes?" He continued to stare at the board. His body rigid. His thoughts silent.

I kneeled down next to his legs thinking I owed him at least the honor of proper groveling.

"Edward, I don't know what's wrong with us lately. I feel so disconnected from you. By coincidence, it all began once Tanya arrived here. And I'm not blaming her for that; I just want to know what I did wrong. I'm trying to fix so much and I don't know how and it irritates me. I can't fail at this. I can't fail you. I couldn't live with myself if I…lost you."

The excruciating pain of tears that would never fall almost consumed me whole. I hadn't realized how much pressure I was putting on myself. So much of what had developed over the course of the last months had severely damaged my perspective on our relationship. I'd concentrated so hard on getting these problems to subside that I'd just created more conflict. More drama. More things to apologize for. And God bless Edward. He'd taken everything.

"Bella, you keep talking about problems. We don't have problems. Were fine. We've always been. I don't know what's eating at you but I assure you I am happy. I always have been. Nothing can ever change that. I am yours and you are mine. Nothing and no one will ever come between us. Ever. I'm married to you. I love you. I would die for you. I have fought for you, countless times. I don't know what else I can do to prove how deep my love for you runs." He stared at me quizzically, wondering how in the world I could be so fucked up.

"I know baby. I know. I'm so sorry." I kissed him. I mean really kissed him. Not this take-me-to-our-room-and-fuck-my-brains-out; the how in the world did I get this beautiful man to fall in love with me and promise to spend the rest of his life with me. And it was divine. He was the cheese to my macaroni. And I felt like shit for the way things had been going lately.

Our kissing became very heated after a few minutes. Hands everywhere, lips everywhere, moans and panting.

"Love, my sisters are waiting for you. I think you should make your way over to them before they lose their minds. Rosalie is climbing the walls."

I pried my lips from his neck. I knew he was right. I could hear Rose pacing along the back wall of the house and Alice telling her I'd be out any second.

"Ok, but only if we're ok. We are ok, right?" I looked deeply into his eyes and saw nothing but love in them and a smile the size of Jupiter plastered itself across my face.

"Of course we are, love. Now go bag yourself a mountain lion or something!" He giggled then turned his face back to his game.

"A mountain lion? Really Edward? Is that the best you got?" Sarcasm lacing my voice.

"Ok, ok, ok. How about a disgusting overweight pedophile? Get him off the streets." He stated then rolled his eyes.

"DEAL!" I yelled as I ran out the door, smiling to Tanya on my way out.

"Well, fuck me sideways! It's about time. I was getting ready to get back in and drag your ass out."

"Rose, you never seize to amaze me." I rolled my eyes at her as we made our way into the woods.

^*$

"Bella, why didn't you invite Tanya hunting with us?" Alice broke the silence as we walked back home.

"I don't know. I guess I'm just not really ready to face her yet. Not after what I did. I feel terrible and where would I even start. 'Hey nice scar. I'd be happy to give you another whenever you're ready.' Come on. Be serious. I'm still relishing in my ignorance." It was the truth. I was still thoroughly embarrassed.

"Fuck that. I wouldn't be the least bit sorry for what I did to that bitch. I'm not buying her story and I don't think you should either, Bella." That was good old Rosalie…telling it like it is.

"I don't know Rose. Maybe I should give her the benefit of the doubt. I'd like to think, she'd pay me the same respect if it was the other way around." I truly did believe her. I knew it was the only way to bury this and put it behind us.

"Well, I don't trust the bitch. All I'm saying is to not let your guard down with that one." Rose practically rolled her eyes out of her head before she composed herself again and adjusted the gloriously amazing gold curls of her ponytail.

"Bella, I haven't seen anything to indicate that Tanya's actions are…malicious. I honestly think it may have all just been a misunderstanding. I mean, we smelled both animals and it is plenty possible that you and Edward were too distracted to see what was going on around you. Of course, we wouldn't really know anyway seeing as how you still can't manage to fully control your shield." Alice grinned indicating she meant no harm by her statement.

"My shield? What are you talking about?"

"I heard Carlisle talking to Kate the other day, on the phone. He was mentioning to her how you seem to be able to mimic our abilities and even hinder them. Carlisle thinks it has something to do with why Edward could never hear your thoughts. He thinks it's your mind's ability to protect you. In any capacity. Your need for privacy, hence the reason Edward could never hear you. Your need to be able to see what's coming, to be prepared but still wanting to just let the chips fall where they may; hence my inability to see you. Does that make sense?"

It actually did. To some extent. But it didn't explain everything.

"What about a couple weeks ago? Edward pissed my off and I'm not even sure I remember what it was about but I managed to throw him clear across the room just by thinking it. How does this shield come into play then?" We were only about a mile from home and had every intention of speaking to Carlisle about this when he and Esme returned.

"I'm not sure. I could have been your need for space at the time. Maybe consciously you were thinking that you just needed to get away from it all. Throwing him could have been therapeutic. Maybe. I don't know. Ask Carlisle. He's the one with the theory."

The more I thought about this theory, the more it seemed logical but I still wasn't convinced and I doubted that even Carlisle understood it either. And honestly, it didn't matter. The only thing I was happy for was that my own thoughts were still just mine. I hated the idea of Edward being able to tap into my brain and take whatever he thought he could. I had an intense need for privacy. That much I knew. Maybe my gift was being selfish. Taking what I wanted when I wanted for whatever purpose suit me. Who knew? In my human life, I was unorthodox. In my vampire life…I was just plain old weird.

"So I was thinking ladies…"

"About what Alice?" We were close enough to the house that I could see across the river.

"Well…I had fun with both of you on this trip. And I think you guys did too right?"

"Yes." Rose stated.

"Definitely." I agreed.

"Well, I think we should make this 'girls only' hunting trip at least once a month. As soon as Esme gets back, of course."

"Yeah, Alice. That sounds great. Hey, where were the guys tonight? I didn't see Jazz or Emmett when we left."

"Jazz dragged Emmett to some war themed movie. No one wanted to go and Emmett felt bad." Rose chimed in.

"Oh, that's not surprising. I think next hunt, if she's still in town, I'm going to invite Tanya with us. It was really stupid of me to ignore the fact that she's a guest in our house. She doesn't seem to hold any hard feelings towards me. I think I should do the same."

"I think that's a great idea, Bella. Keep your enemies close."

"Rose, honestly. I trust Tanya. It's the least I can do. She's done nothing to prove she is untrustworthy. Really." I meant it. I wanted to make nice with her, not cause further unnecessary trouble. "I think I'm going to visit Charlie's grave tomorrow. I've been thinking about him a lot lately and I just need to feel close to him again and I know the only way I can is to visit him. I haven't spoken to Renee much lately so I'm feeling a little empty right now."

"I can understand that. I think it's a great idea," said Rose.

"Girls can we stop for just a second?" They stopped walking, just shy of the river and looked me right in the eye.

"Bella, are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Alice. I just wanted to ask you guys something. Advice of sorts."

"Anything, sweetie. What is it?"

"Well, I was thinking about talking to Edward about getting our own place." I had been thinking about this a lot lately. I felt like he and I needed some serious time alone to really start our lives. We needed to really move forward and I felt like hanging back here with them was making us run endless circles around each other. I didn't necessarily blame the family for it, I just wanted some space.

"I think it's a great idea. You and Edward need to grow together. When Jasper and I first got together, we stayed because Jazz really needed Carlisle's guidance but Rose and Emmett were on their own for a while after his blood lust diminished. They needed their space and we respected it. There's nothing wrong with wanting it. We'll all understand, sweetie." I felt Alice's words warm me to the core and although I knew it would sadden Esme to see us go, I also knew it was the next logical and very necessary step for us.

Too many things were off balance with us and only he and I knew how to fix it. In theory anyway. I honestly had no idea how I was going to fix things but if we concentrated on the same goal, I knew we could do it. We had to. We'd accomplished so much together already. What in the world could ever prevent us from being happily ever after…

We crossed the river and our strides to the back entrance of the house seemed to have decreased in size. Almost against our own will. It felt extremely odd but I was also completely satiated form the hunt. It had by no means been a glutton free trip.

"I think I'm going to talk to Emmett about taking a vacation soon." Rose began as we closed in on the on our property.

"Cool! Anywhere in particular?" I had also been thinking about taking some time off. Though "off" wasn't really an appropriate word since neither Edward, nor I worked…

"I don't know…maybe Moscow. The jury's still out." Rose flipped her hair back over her shoulder.

"Moscow? Why the hell would you go there?" I blurted out before thinking.

"Where the hell else are we supposed to go? I can't very well travel to Johannesburg and expect people to not notice my sparkling skin in the sunlight. Bella, you sure are clueless sometimes!" All three of us burst into hysterics at my stupidity.

"I think I'd like to go to Paris. I've never been, well anywhere and I don't know. It seems like it would be romantic." There tons of places I wanted to visit but Paris was the first that came to mind.

"Oh Bella! You'd love it there. The city is magnificent and the shopping you can do is phenomenal. I remember this little boutique Esme and I went to once. It was in the middle-" Alice rambled on as we reached the back yard of our home. But I couldn't focus on her words because an annoying buzz sound was circling in my head. I couldn't figure out what it was.

"SHHHH! Alice! Do you hear that?" I cut her off.

"Hear what?"

"That buzzing." I said. Somewhat irritated.

"Bella, I don't hear anything what are you talking about?" Alice stared straight at me trying to figure out what I was talking about.

"Bella, I don't hear anything either. Are you ok?" Rose's concerned face startled me. I'd never seen her look so…human.

"Buzzing. You can't hear the fucking buzzing? It's so loud; how can you not hear it? It's kind of high pitched too. You really can't hear it?"

"No." They both said in unison.

"Hmmm. That's so weird. It sounds like someone buzzing in their own head. A woman maybe? Who knows? I'm a nut case!"

"Bella, you are the weirdest vampire I know." Rosalie laughed and Alice and I couldn't help but join in on the joke made at my expense. I was weird.

"Come on, ladies. Our men await us." I said as I silently climbed the couple steps leading to our back door.

The entire house was dark except for the light in the family room. I reached for the door handle before turning to the girls to say, "I love you guys so much." The look on their faces scared the shit out of me.

"Alice? Rose? What is it?"

Rose lifted her hand and pointed past me, into the house. That's when I turned around and caught with my own eyes.

There in the family room, of our home, was Tanya; on her knees, giving my husband…a blow job.

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**AN: So I'm pretty sure you guys are about to threaten me with serious violence which I totally don't blame you for but at least it will get you to review! I hope that you all will trust me enough to stick with me through this. I know I'm one of those authors that challenges the reader to stick with them because I take so fucking long to update and I'm really sorry about that. I have a full time job and a mother of a toddler so I hope you all understand. I'm posting this from work too so if I get fired, cut me some slack! Keep in mind, I am Team Edward all the way. I'm not going to promise this is going to get better any time soon. Obviously hell is about to be unleashed on the world. There will be some serious drama in the next couple chapters. I will do a ton of explaining, I promise. I think next chapter will be EPOV. I haven't completely decided yet.**

**If I get "the talk" from FF people, which is a possibility since technically I am breaking their TOS, I will more than likely pull this story. I don't know where that will leave it. I will finish it one way or the other but will keep you guys posted if the shit hits the fan, via my profile.**

**I thank my BFF, Vern...again. Because she totally kicks ass and really, this whole fic was her idea. My readers, you guys are fucking awesome. Your reviews are music to my ears and it fills my heart with joy every time you share your thoughts with me.**

**And to hold you over till next time (all for very different reasons are beyond intoxicating):**

**A Rough Start/ItzMegan73**

**The Blessing and the Curse/The Black Arrow**

**Stranger than Fiction/MasenVixen**

**Tips for Better Living/adorablecullens**

**Till next time!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello friends! So some of you guys were really pissed, some of you were indifferent but all of you all were tired of waiting. I hope I got this out soon enough for you. Let me know what you think. **

**It must be your lucky day, I'm so quick this time!**

**This chapter has a butt load of quotes from the books so I'll remind you all credit goes to SM for owning. I, however, own a pillow that says "New Moon 11.20.09, I was there...where were you?"  
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**Chapter 13 – Live Together, Die Alone**

I stood there. Frozen. Completely unable to move. That horrific car crash you witness on the highway: unable to look, unwilling to look away. It seemed like my entire life with Edward up to this point flashed before my eyes. Some memories worth thinking of; others better left inside the vault which I had secluded them to. But nothing could have ever prepared me for this moment. It was worse then the pain of him leaving…

Rosalie's scream broke my trance…

"EDWARD?!"

Tanya's face turned our direction but never broke free of my husband's body. She continued gliding along his shaft like we weren't even there…and Edward…

I'm not even sure. He turned to face us but his beautiful face was not his own. His eyes didn't sparkle the way they usually did. They did not meet his soul. And he said nothing. Just stared right back at us three like he thought maybe we were figments of his imagination. He was clearly not himself.

Tanya's moaning increased in volume. I had the impulse to run but still couldn't force myself to do it. My legs seemed disconnected from my body. I tried one last time to connect to Edward's mind but could hear nothing except that buzzing. And I realized it was Tanya's voice, inside _his_ head. But I didn't bother with it much longer because I recognized the look on my husband's face. I knew it well. He made it every time we made love. He was about to come…in her mouth.

"Bella, here. Take my car." Alice whispered to me as she slid the keys to her car into my hands.

I quickly turned to head towards the garage but not without hearing the familiar grunts of my husband ejaculating into another woman's mouth.

I ran through the kitchen, straight to the garage door; pushing it open with such great force I knocked it right off it's hinges. I quickly made my way around the Vanquish and into the Porsche. Starting the engine I heard Edward's voice breaking through…

_Bel…Bella…where's Bella…can anyone hear me…Rose…Alice…where is she…what's going on…what the…_

It didn't matter though. I was in reverse and out of the driveway. I raced down the road towards the highway. Unsure of where I was going but knowing damn well, I needed to be gone. Topping one hundred miles an hour, I passed Emmett's Jeep about twenty minutes later. Thirty seconds later my phone rang.

"Jazz." I sighed out loud but ignored the call. I couldn't handle anything right now.

I anchored onto the highway oblivious to the other traffic. I slowed down to avoid getting pulled over by the one cop in town and thought of my father. The familiar pain in my heart resurfaced and I knew where I needed to go.

Traveling down Calawah Way Road, I quickly found the cemetery. It wasn't hard to find. I mean, this was Forks after all.

I quietly drove in and rolled down the windows. For some reason, I longed for fresh air. I was quickly assaulted with the fresh scent of death. Sure enough, as I glanced to my right, one of the care takers was patting down soil on a fresh grave. A solemn woman sat quietly to his left, tears running silently down her face. I had the overwhelming urge to hug her but thought better of it since I was a complete stranger to her.

I parked and made my way over to Charlie's plot and wondered why I was really here. I wasn't sure what I wanted out of this but knew I could only talk to him.

I laid down on top of the soil that covered his actual casket, on my belly with my hands crossed in front of me to hold my chin up.

I felt my body convulse in what would have been a serious meltdown of crying if I was capable of it. This was the only part of my immortal life I loathed. All I wanted was a good cry and it was the one thing I couldn't do. I took a deep breath and braced myself.

"Daddy…I don't know what's going on. I feel so lost. I thought everything had finally come together and I don't know what happened. I walked in on Edward with another woman and I don't know what to do. I know he loves me but what could drive him to do that to me? And I had convinced myself that she was a good person. She knew what she was doing. That's her thing. She's a succubus and…this is ridiculous. Dad, I don't know if you know this. I'd like to think you are looking down at me and you can see the truth but I have to say it. Out loud. I'm a…I'm a vampire. We all are. And this life is amazing, it really is. And everyone brought wonderful gifts into this life. I'm the only one who chose this but it's been good to us all nonetheless. We have all found the people we were meant to be with. Or so I thought. Why, Daddy? Why would he do this to me?"

I buried my face in the palm of my hands and pinched my eyes closed. As I laid there, collecting myself, the clouds rolled in and thundered above me. The sky seemed vengeful and on a mission. But I welcomed it. It felt like it would wash everything away. Clean the slate. A fresh start. It wasn't possible, but I welcomed the thought.

As the drops of rain began to fall, I wondered what was going on back home. Was Rosalie on a killing spree? Was Alice allowing Edward to explain? Was Jasper trying to control a dangerous situation? What would Carlisle think about all of this? Was this a personal attack against me for winning over Edward? Was Tanya in love with Edward? Did he have feelings for her? Was I not enough?

Of course, none of these were questions I could answer.

"I wonder why no one's called yet." I pulled my head up and realized I'd left my phone in the car.

"Daddy, help me. I don't want to be alone. Why wasn't I enough?"

Was it possible that Edward had never wanted me? There was no point in speculating but I had to get away. Somewhere no one could find me. Figure out what was best for me. Could I forgive him? Did I want to? Did I love him enough?

My wandering mind did nothing to ease the hole digging itself in my chest. It was a familiar pain. A feeling of betrayal I knew well. It was the same feeling he'd inflicted on me before…

I got up and made my way back to the Porsche. Opening up the door I saw the light on my phone flickering, indicating I had missed calls. I opened it up and saw twelve missed calls. All from Edward except for one. Alice. I also had twelve messages. I contemplated ignoring them but I needed some kind of plan. I had no money on me, no identification, no plan and no moral support.

I dialed my voice mail.

First message – "_Bella, it's Alice. Meet me at Victoria Marriott Inner Harbour. It's just past the Canadian border. Jazz and I are leaving now, we'll give you more instructions when we get there. I've got to run. See you soon. We love you."_

I high tailed it out of there. Alice would help me. She knew what I needed. It was only eighty miles to Victoria. I could make it there in the Porsche in an hour. I continued on to the rest of the messages.

Second message – _"Bella, honey…it's me. Please call me. I know what you must think. Let me explain."_

Third message – _"Bella, I don't know where you are. Call me. Let me know you're ok."_

Fourth message – _"Baby, it's me. Call me. I'm getting worried."_

Fifth message – _"Bella, please…I can't…fuck…call me."_

Sixth message – _"Bella? I…FUCK!"_

Seventh message – _"Bella…please…I really need to talk to you."_

Eighth message – _"Bella…I don't know where you are. Everyone is keeping me out. Alice knows where you are, I'm sure of it. But she won't say anything to me…please."_

Ninth message – _"Alice just left. I assume to meet you. I can't be sure. She was reciting the preamble in her head as she left and Jazz was remembering a scene from _Glory_. Please call me."_

Tenth message – _"Honey, please. I'm begging. Five minutes. That's all I need."_

Eleventh message _– "I don't even think you're listening to these. I can't say that I blame you. I can only imagine what…look…the thing is…fuck, just call me."_

Twelfth message – _"If you won't call me, at least call someone. Let us know you're ok. I'll give you all the space you need. Things weren't the way they seemed. Honestly. I love you, please call me. I need you."_

My body heaved as I drove and listened to the pain in his voice. But I couldn't bring myself to turn back. He couldn't imagine the pain of walking in on that. Not in the slightest. I needed to be anywhere but near him. I didn't care for explanations. It was too late for that.

~*~*~*

I pulled into the parking lot of the Marriott and noticed the Volvo at the far end of the lot. I halted for a minute, unsure of what to make of it until I heard Alice singing. I parked the car next to the Volvo and quickly jumped into Alice's arms.

"Bella, are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Alice."

"I figured you would need this." She said as she handed me a purse I seldom used. Opening it up, I found my wallet with all the cash and credit cards I'd left in it. I thanked my lucky stars I had never closed my bank account. There was no way I was going to use mine and Edward's joint account. He'd know where to find me.

"We have a small cabin outside Campbell River. It's about a three hour drive northwest of here but no one knows we have it except Rose and Emmett. No one will know to look for you there. You'll have all the space and time you need."

"Bella, I think you should at least call Edward. Let him know you are ok. Give him a chance to explain." The last person I expected to hear defend Edward was Jasper.

"Jasper, I can't. I just…I'm not ready." I turned my face from both of them. Unwilling to allow them to see the hurt on my face.

"It's ok. I can understand." He retreated behind Alice and allowed us a female moment.

"What happened after I left?" Curiosity was eating at me. I had to know if Rose had killed _her._

"Well…after you left and Edward was…um…Rosalie tackled Tanya. Edward kind of…flopped out of the chair. He was locked in some kind of trance. It's hard to say. He seemed almost delirious. Rose was going to town on Tanya. I mean, she was really letting her have it. And just yelling at the top of their lungs. Tanya gave her a good fight but she still didn't stand a chance against Rose. I mean Rose already had it in for her. They broke the dinning table, a wall, the first half of the stairs, Esme's favorite vase. The most recent doctrine certificate Carlisle received at Harvard and then they rolled out the front door. Luckily Jazz and Emmett had just pulled up and were able to pull them apart. Rose had a few wounds on her hands but Tanya…she looked like she had just had the life beat the hell out of her. It was really funny!"

Alice giggled but that wasn't really what I had meant when I asked what had happened.

"Alice, that's great but that's not what I meant. I meant, what did Edward say about all of this."

"Nothing actually. He couldn't explain how things had happened. He had no clue what was going on and couldn't remember how he'd even ended up in the family room. Tanya was no help. She puttered around fixing her hair and licking her lips. She seemed really happy with herself. Emmett had had enough and literally kicked her out the door. I guess she's headed back to Denali. Beats me."

"Alice, what do you mean? How he could he not know? I mean…she was…it had to…I…" I couldn't even find the words. They were caught in my throat, unable to find release. Oral pleasure was what Edward had shared only with me, and vice versa. That was all a thing of the past now…

"I don't know sweetie. I don't have any answers. I wish I did. I wish I could give you the logical explanation you were hoping for. I can't. I honestly am not sure he can either."

"Alice, I thought us being together was set in stone. I thought us binding ourselves to each other meant nothing could come between us. Aren't we an unstoppable force together? Aren't we meant for each? Doesn't he love me?"

"Bella, of course he loves you. He'll always love you. We all will. I honestly think you should just give it some time. Talk to him after you've had a chance to breathe from all of this. Don't jump into it yet. You'll go in with raw wounds and that will only make things worse because you won't give him the time he'll need to talk."

Alice held my hand as I gazed up at the stars. I didn't know if I'd ever want to hear anything. I didn't know if I was adult enough to give him a fair chance. What would Charlie have done?

"How do I get to this cabin?"

~*~*~*

Alice and Jazz gave me directions to the cabin. It was a lengthy drive then about another ten miles on foot. They weren't kidding when they said it was secluded.

It was very small. No more than eleven hundred square feet, I was sure. One bedroom, no décor other than family photos placed around the living area. You'd never guess anyone had ever been here it if weren't for the photos. The kitchen held all the standard appliances; it even had dinner wear for eight people. I couldn't figure out why but I suppose they had their reasons.

The bedroom was quaint and homey. A far cry from the living room. Drapes adorned the window and the closet was filled with clothing for Alice and Jasper.

I took off my shoes and walked in to the bathroom to draw myself a bath. I wanted to wash the day off of me. Let it run down the drain into the depths of this shitty world I lived in. Let it consume something else. I was done. Defeated. Unwanted. Which didn't surprise me. I was always plain and boring. Edward had clearly found what suited him better. That person wasn't me. I was not her. Maybe my transformation had not suited Edward at all. Maybe I'd lost my appeal since I was no longer human. No longer his singer. I was just Isabella Cullen now. A cold dead vampire.

The bath soothed me in ways I hadn't felt since I was human. My limbs felt limp and relaxed. My mind was free and clear but only for a second. As I laid on the bed, it all came hurling back at me. I was going to lose him. That much I was sure of. After a few minutes, I welcomed the pain. It was the only reminder that he was real. That he had once loved me.

I silently wished for Alice. I no longer had Charlie or Jake to piece me back together. I remembered words Charlie had spoken to me at a time I was as lost as I was now…

"_Bella, sometimes you just have to learn to love what's good for you."_

I'm not sure why that surfaced. I mean, it didn't make any damn sense. Especially not now.

"_Bella, you're everything to me." _Edward's voice was so clear, it was almost like he was here with me as I remembered his words in Italy.

My mind seemed on a mission to spite me.

"LIAR!" I yelled to no one in particular.

"_Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."_

"SHUT UP!"

"_Your hold is permanent and unbreakable. Never doubt that."_

"PLEASE! QUIET!" They were all coming at me now…

"_If there was only some way to make you see that I __can't__ leave you. Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you."_

"_Do you really have any idea how important you are to me? Any concept at all of how much I love you?"_

"_Look after my heart — I've left it with you."_

"_I prefer brunettes."_

"_You are the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours."_

"_Isabella Swan? I promise to love you forever — every single day of forever. Will you marry me?"_

"Please…stop…" I pleaded in a whisper as I grasped my head in both my hands willing the memories to stop.

I beat my head against the floor in an effort to control it but it wasn't enough. All I managed to do was break the floor boards.

"_Charlie. I love her more than anything in the world, more than my own life, and – by some miracle – she loves me that way, too."_

"Please, Edward…go away…" I whispered as I closed my eyes and begged for mercy.

~*~*~*

I waited about three months before I called Edward. I didn't even feed the whole time. All I wanted to do was die. I didn't even contact the family. But I knew there was no point in prolonging the agony.

He answered on the second ring.

"Bella?"

"Hello, Edward."

"Bella, how are you?"

"How do you think I am, Edward?"

"Yeah, stupid question. Where are you?"

"That's really none of your concern. I just called to let you know that I'm ok. That I'm safe. That I understand. You don't have to pretend anymore. I'll be ok."

"Bella, what are you talking about? What do you mean you understand?" He sounded aggravated but afraid at the same time.

"It doesn't matter. I just…I'm going to see an attorney tomorrow. I'll have the papers drawn up. I'm done. I love you enough to let you go. I know what I need to do. You've disappeared. You've become someone I don't know. In a way I guess so have I."

"Bella…NO! That's…NO!"

"It's ok, Edward. I just want you to be happy. I love you."

"Bella…WAIT! I lo-"

I quickly hung up. I couldn't listen to him. I couldn't hear the words he didn't mean. The ones he was placating me with. He was a good liar. He'd told before. Why I never listened is beyond even me.

I threw the phone on the bed and quickly changed into jeans and a tee shirt. I was going into town. I had to find an attorney, and Alice was supposed to meet me. She and Jazz had not returned to the white mansion in Forks. They were staying in Port Angeles; away from Edward. Emmett and Rose left as well. They were Moscow bound. Carlisle and Esme were still home with Edward but were not on speaking terms with him, nor Tanya.

Irina had called Carlisle many times to apologize for her sister's behavior but Carlisle refused to hear her each time. He said the only person owed an apology was me and until I accepted one, he wouldn't hear of it either.

I walked out the front door and began the trek back to the Porsche. I took the human pace there; thinking of the months I laid around Charlie's house desperately waiting for Edward to return to me. Waiting for him to love me enough to come back. Begging anything and everything to make it all go away. To make me whole again and remembering that he never did. I had to go searching for him. Should I have taken that as a sign?

The pain resurfaced and I did the only thing I knew how to do…I ran.

And ran.

And ran.

I ran so long I ended up at the Canadian border. I don't know what force drew me there but I couldn't fight it. I knew where my body was taking me.

~*~*~*

"Alice, it's me."

"Bella…I thought I was meeting you at the cabin." She answered her phone half way through the first ring.

"You were but…I…I had to…" I was choking on my words again. The pain was such a bitch to shake.

"It's ok. I understand. Jazz and I are with Carlisle and Esme, in Port Angeles. But he's at the house. Go to him."

So I did.

I ran all the way to the house. And suddenly I didn't care. I just wanted him. I couldn't stand the thought of not having him. The thought of another day without him killed me. I was his and he was mine. Whatever happened, happened. I couldn't change it. What I could do was move on. If he wanted me, still. We could be happy again together. We could live the life I knew we would.

As I raced home, I remembered the vows we spoke to each other…

_Mr. Weber stood before us both, as we stared lovingly and passionately into each others eyes…_

"_Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, do you take Isabella Marie Swan to be your wedded wife, to live together in marriage. Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others, be faithful only to her so long as you both shall live?"_

"_I do." My heart broke and swelled at his words._

"_Isabella Marie Swan, do you take Edward Anthony Masen Cullen to be your wedded husband, to live together in marriage. Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. And forsaking all others, be faithful only to him so long as you both shall live?"_

"_I do." Tears streaming down my face._

A smile broke across my face as I envisioned myself running back into his arms after remembering those words we spoke to each other. I remembered what it felt like to be safe again. To feel loved. Wanted. Cherished. It was overwhelming. I felt like I was running back into the arms of my destiny. My fate. My past…my future.

I could see the house in the distance. I was so close, I could almost smell him. I relished in the fact that I knew he'd never know I was coming. I silently thanked my lucky stars I was so unorthodox. It would certainly play in my favor now. He'd be excited to see me. He would be caught completely by surprise; which he never is. This would be one of the greatest memories of both our lives.

I slowed my pace to a walk and let my senses go. I wanted this to be as close to a human moment as possible. I forbid myself from intruding on his thoughts. I knew how much it bothered him sometimes to intrude on others and thought I'd pay him that courtesy as well.

I was so elated I caught myself skipping up the back stairs. I forced myself to not think of the last time I had walked through this very door. After all, this was a new beginning.

I slowly and quietly opened the door and was once again proven just how much the world hated me. Edward was perched on the sofa in the family room, in the same daze I'd seen before. His face was completely lost again. His eyes held the same glazed over look as last time. His body was rigid and unresponsive…or so it seemed but hiss lack of body action was not what caught me off guard. What really threw me for a loop; a deadly one at that, was that there again…was Tanya in all her strawberry blond glory, kissing my husband before she whispered, "make love to me Edward."

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**AN: I know I'm walking a seriously thin line with you guys but I beg you….PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE trust me! Give me some credit since I didn't make you guys wait as long. And I'm writing from work…again. Yup, I still have a job which just tells my IT department is not doing their job!**

**By the way…don't read too much into my chapter titles. For the most part they don't mean anything. Like half are just little quotes or phrases I've heard here or there and they just stuck with me. Others I've tried to make relevant but feel like I failed miserably. Oh well, hope no one minds.**

**Also, if I am missing or dead, hunt down VeronicaD13! **

**Again…my BFF Vern…all her idea. Love you babe. Wedding 2010!**

**I don't have anything to rec since I haven't been reading anything so I can concentrate on writing. Don't forget to review…I live for it!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello friends! As you can see, VeronicaD13 did not hunt me down and murder me. I decided that this needed to be EPOV for some real explanation. Some of you might be upset because it does not pick up where chapter 13 left off, but there are answers to some questions here, which you know you wanted! Hope you enjoy my Jazz, as a Texan, no one knows a southern accent better than me. See you again down below. So without further ado…**

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**Chapter 14 – False Pretenses**

Life was certainly strained the past couple weeks. There was severe tension between Bella and myself and I couldn't figure out for the life of me why. But it was eating at me…to a certain extent. It troubled me that we weren't getting along very well but the more time that passed, the less I felt concerned with it. Tanya arriving here to visit seemed like a blessing and a curse. It was nice to be around someone who didn't expect things of me and to see an old friend. I knew Bella had her reservations about the type of person Tanya was but I chalked it up to female insecurities. I knew Bella wasn't that type of person, but I knew Tanya had that kind of effect. But the feeling still seemed unwarranted. Tanya had done nothing to prove anything was amiss with her visit.

So we settled into a routine, unknowingly. We'd spend the days playing board games, watching TV, listening to music or just hanging around the house. It was very human and innocent. But I could see the things being said to Bella; through Rosalie and Alice's thoughts. I didn't blame them for spreading the details on what happened between them all those years ago. I suppose I might have done the same, had I been in their shoes, but nothing even remotely similar to that one incident had ever happened since. So what was the point?

Of course, none of that had actually been true. Maybe _accurate_ was the better term. Something was definitely different about Tanya after the _incident_ with Bella. She seemed very edgy and constantly on alert. And while being unable to hear her thoughts around Bella was certainly a welcome change, I couldn't help but wonder what was going on with her. I knew the only way I'd be able to talk to her would be at a time when Bella wasn't home. I couldn't very well force my wife out the door to speak privately with another woman so I waited for the opportunity to present itself.

There were other things I was very concerned with as well. Lately Bella had grown into a very foul mouthed person. And while I did try to make every effort to respect the person she'd become, it was quite challenging. I was from a different time. A _very_ different time and found it astounding how different women were today then they were one hundred years ago. I wasn't attempting to pass judgment on her because I was certainly no saint, but I was still a man. But it was still a great shock to hear some of the things that came out of her mouth. I blamed Rose. She was extremely irritable at times and Lord knows, she was not a happy human when she was changed so _this_, did not surprise me.

Then there was the sex. We had always made love in the most passionate ways and it had seemed as if each time we did, we were moving one step forward. We lacked so much experience it only seemed appropriate that as we got comfortable with each other, we became more daring. We pushed the envelope a little further every time but there was always something missing, in my eyes. Mainly because I still associated the act of us making love with the horrible memories of how I'd bitten her and forced this life on her. I knew she didn't technically resent me for it, but I knew she would have wished things differently too. Waking up from that just to be told your father was on his death bed, could not have been easy. But she had to have realized, it would have happened one way or the other. It was just a matter of time. Something of which, we had eons of.

So with a heavy hard, and throbbing erection, I'd make love to her each time she wanted it but not without mentally killing myself. There were only ever about a handful of times which she picked up on what was going on with me so I knew I was getting better each time at shielding myself from her. The downside to that was that each time I got better at hiding my true feelings about it, I also felt like I was losing the one connection with her I had always wanted…mental communication.

But I'm not a complainer; so I will say when we did make love…my God did she kill me. It seemed like our bodies were made for each other. She drove me out of my head. She was a tigress. I wondered if everything could always be that real forever. I'd never figured Bella for such a wild cat. I knew her desire for me ran deep but I never thought it ran to the very core of her existence. I was so flattered. I still wondered how God could have created this wonderful and beautiful person and curse her enough to have her fall in love with such a monster. But like I said, I wasn't a complainer. I'd take her curse any day.

But that brings my conflicting feelings back to the aftermath of that _incident. _After Bella sliced into Tanya's throat; something…shifted. I'm not sure how or why but things were…off. As she cowered behind me and tried to apologize for her actions, I found myself…irritated by her. And suddenly, I was more concerned with Tanya's well being. Which was completely shocking to say the very least. I'd always cared for Tanya but only as family. Now…I saw her with a different set of eyes. Her beauty, while always undeniable, seemed _captivating_.

This thoroughly fucked my perception on life. Which only further distracted me from the trouble surfacing between Bella and me. So much so, that I found myself unable to focus on my wife as she went to town fellating me, _that day_. While her grunts and moans continued to arouse me, my mind continued to wander to Tanya. Not even in a sexual way, just visions of her face. Luckily, I noticed anytime Bella pleased me orally, her mind focused only on the task at hand. She was quite thorough…

As she continued to graze my length, visions of Tanya began to change. They became erotic poses, gestures, sounds. I was so distracted by it, I couldn't bring myself to willingly participate in the love making which had apparently begun, unbeknown to me. Instead, I tried to force images of the most revolting things I could muster. I thought of penguins, whale blubber, the wolves…that did the trick. But I wasn't stupid enough to believe Bella hadn't noticed how mediocre that sex had been. But being the good girl she was, she didn't say anything about it. We went on about our business like nothing had ever happened.

She mentioned going on a hunt with my sisters and I thought it was the best opportunity to talk to Tanya about what had happened with Bella and I would explain to her that Bella held no ill will towards her. She was simply avoiding her because she thought Tanya was pissed at her. Fair enough, right? Get everything out in the open and move forward.

I tried too hard to sound indifferent, it came out rude.

"_Sure love. Whatever makes you happy?"_ And I didn't really mean it the way it sounded but who the fuck knows what would have come out of my mouth if I'd told her the truth.

And then it just tumbled down hill from there…

"_Edward?" _

"_I said sure Bella."_ I'm still not sure why I snapped at her but once my mouth opened, I couldn't stop myself.

"_Ok. Look. I know there is something off about us since the misunderstanding with Tanya, but I don't know how to fix something if you don't tell me what's wrong."_ I could see how much effort she was putting into staying calm but I was ready to put some space between us and get to the root of the problem.

"_Bella. Nothing's wrong. Invite my sisters hunting. Whatever but for crying out loud, let it go."_

"_Why are you blocking your thoughts from me? And what was with that stupid remark you made?"_ It completely unnerved me that she was attempting to get inside my head in the middle of an argument but I couldn't really say that I blamed her. I probably would have done the same thing, even though I wasn't really blocking her, I just needed some peace and quiet.

"_I have no idea what you are talking about Bella. I'm not blocking anything from you. I'm not thinking of anything except what's on TV. And what remark are you talking about? I didn't say anything." _I refused to meet her eyes. I knew they would hold some sort of pain. Inflicted by my asshole attitude.

"_OH! Really? So this whole 'whatever but for crying out loud, let it go' that was nothing. You didn't mean anything by that? I'm so fucking sure! I'm not a child Edward. You never speak to me like this. Never and now all of sudden I'm…what? Annoying you? Is that it? Is that what you're fucking telling me." _I had to stop this before it got worse, but I was still going to take the opportunity to address some things.

"_Bella, I didn't mean anything by it. You're reading more into my blasé comment than what was there. I apologize if you find my tone condescending; it wasn't intentional. But seeing as how you're taking the opportunity to address an issue that seems to really be troubling you; I do have a bone to pick with you…"_ I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair. The same way I always do when I'm frustrated or irritated.

She cocked an eyebrow at me and it infuriated me.

"_Look, I know you are your own person but quite frankly I'm getting really tired of the kind of language you've started using. It sounds terrible, makes you seem uneducated and honestly…it's unbecoming of a lady. I don't like nor do I approve of it."_

There. I'd said it.

But evidently, she didn't like it.

"_Because I love you so deeply, I'm going to take that comment with a grain of salt. It troubles you, ok. I'll try and keep my attitude and language in check but let's get one thing clear…you do not own me therefore, I don't need you to like or approve of the things I say or do. Do we understand each other…Edward?"_ The way she spit my name it…PISSED…ME…OFF.

"_I hear you loud and clear. Isabella."_ I nodded my head and walked out the door. Leaving her to boil…all by herself.

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As Bella spoke with Alice and Rose about their hunt, I made my way down to the guest room. The door was open but I knocked anyway.

"Hi, Edward."

"Hello, Tanya. I was just wondering if you'd like to entertain me with a game of Monopoly." I smiled at her, but not for her.

"Sure. That sounds great. I haven't played in years."

We made our way down the stairs and set the game up in the family room. We didn't say much of anything to each other as I dealt the money out to us. She quietly arranged the property cards, never making eye contact with me. I didn't take it personal, since I wasn't making much effort either but the silence was finally too much and I had to say something before I lost my mind.

"Tanya, I'm really sorry about what happened with Bella." I begged for forgiveness with my eyes, it was habit I'd picked up from Bella.

"Edward, don't be ridiculous. I'm not upset about it. I mean, Bella didn't do anymore damage than anyone else. I can understand her confusion and I'm not the least bit hostile. But thank you for the sentiment. It means a great deal coming from you."

She looked up at me as she spoke and the depths of her golden eyes engulfed me. She was so captivating. Tanya was a beautiful woman, no doubt about that but I was lost in her.

"Edward? Are you ok?" She asked.

"Huh? Oh! Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry. Lost in thought there."

She chuckled. "It would appear so."

"Edward, I sincerely hope I am not causing any trouble between you and Bella. I honestly meant no harm in this visit. I just wanted to get to know the lucky woman who landed the wonderful Edward Cullen. Your happiness is important to me."

"Not at all. I won't lie and say things aren't strained between us, because they are, but it certainly is not of your doing. We've been wrestling with issues for some time now and we're honestly just trying to find some middle ground now."

I tried to stop talking but I couldn't find it in myself to do it. I felt like I was being pulled into her. Infatuated with something in her and curiosity getting the better of me. Almost like I was having an out of body experience.

I caught the girls' footsteps as they made their way down the stairs and struggled not to run and hug my wife but it felt wrong, too. Disrespectful in a way…to Tanya.

As Bella made it to the room, Tanya excused herself to allow us a moment to talk.

I whispered my love to Bella and tried my best to reassure her, before she left, how much I loved her. How I'd walk through fire for her. How I'd never let anything come between us. It seemed to be enough to bring a smile to her face and I loved the beauty that was brought forth with it. It reminded me of all the moments I'd shared with her as a human.

"Well, she seemed in better spirits." Tanya said, as she sat back down.

"Of course she did. I lied to her." I reiterated.

"That upsets you?"

"Of course it does. I don't like lying to her. But I don't think I'm ready to face the truth yet either."

"Which is?" I took my eyes off the board and just stared at her.

"I don't think you're the person I should be having this conversation with." I pushed along to St. James Place hoping she wouldn't realize I'd landed on her property.

"Edward, we're friends right?"

I shook my head, yes.

"OK. Well friends seek each other for advice when they need it. Sometimes they talk just to get things off their chest. I'm here for you, in any capacity." She stretched her hand out and held mine. I didn't flinch away like I should have.

"I suppose you're right."

"Of course I am. Now, tell me what's eating you." She sat back in her chair and crossed her legs, flashing me her bare pussy underneath her mini skirt.

I cleared my throat and swallowed the pool of venom in my mouth. I looked around the room, waiting for someone to burst in on us. But it never came. We were home alone. Jazz and Emmett were at the movies, the girls were hunting and my parents were gone for the weekend. I was extremely nervous. Part of me told me to walk away…my penis had different ideas.

I caught sight of her bare and muscular legs and my mouth nearly watered. I don't know how long I stared but she didn't miss a beat.

"Like something you see, Edward?" She slid her hand into her hair at the base of hair line at the back of her neck and her scent filled the room. It was salty and musky and very familiar. I couldn't quite put my finger on it but it wasn't her usual scent.

"Did you do something different to your hair, Tanya?"

"No. Same old hair, slightly different me."

"There _is_ something different about you. It's very familiar. I can't quite put my finger on it."

"You should try harder."

"Try harder? With what?" I was trying. What the hell was she talking about.

"To put your finger…on it…whatever it is about me that's familiar."

"Tanya…I don't…" And suddenly I was trapped. I sat there frozen. I was mesmerized by her physical beauty and then her mind connected with mine…

"_Edward…she can't make you happy. Not like I could. Let me show you. Let me show you how great we can be together."_

"Tanya…what are you doing?" I asked as she walked over to my chair, on her knees.

"I'm gonna show you how happy I can make you. She can't do the things I can do Edward. You married a human. One who was practically still a child. You don't need a newborn to love. You need a woman. One with experience. One that has seen the ways of the world. One who has never wanted anything more than to make you cum…"

She brought her hands to my knees and unleashed herself on to me.

I could here her voice in my head. Whispering, screaming, grunting, moaning…all in pure ecstasy. I could feel the warmth of her body in my bones. It was like the very touch of her had embodied me and was paralyzing me from the inside out.

She reached up and whispered in my ear. "Just let it happen, Edward. Don't try and fight it. You can't win. No man can. It's what I do. I'll have you one way or the other. No one will stop me from getting what I want." She licked my ear and along my jaw line before meeting my lips with hers.

And I couldn't stop myself. I kissed her back. And we kissed and kissed and kissed. And she was so familiar. It seemed like dejavu.

"Edward, Bella biting me was the best thing she ever did. The minute her venom met my venom, it embodied me. That scent that's familiar to you, it's her. Her venom flows through me. It can, because I need it to. I need you to feel like you're with her so you'll want me. That's the great thing about your little _Bella_. She is so rare, no one knows what to make of her. She can mimic anything and everything she wills herself to. So long as her mind _feels_ it needs to, it will. But for every pro there is a con. Her shield protects only her. The minute her venom meets anyone else's venom, it empowers whatever that person's needs are too. My sexuality, already very powerful, took on a life of it's own here. I needed you weak for me, so I could carry my needs out and viola! Here. We. Are." She punctuated those last three words with kisses along my jaw before she crept down the rest of my body.

And suddenly it all made sense. Her gift was protection to herself. And only herself. She could not protect us all. And she certainly wasn't helping us. Her mind was so advanced she couldn't control it either. It made sense now why when I bit her, she disappeared off Alice's radar, along with Renee and Charlie since they were bound to her by blood. Her blood protected her as much as it taunted me. It was her shield. Now, that blood was venom. And it was powerfully advanced. It had the ability to meet whatever need someone's gift desired.

I was so fucked…

I heard myself yelling at the top of my lungs. I called for Bella. I called for Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Jazz, anyone. But no one could hear me. I was trapped in my own mind. I could physically smell that it was Tanya who was running her hands down my body but my eyes only saw Bella's face. Because of that, my penis was a willing participant.

I saw myself thrashing and kicking and punching her. Throwing her off me, yelling at her, ripping her head off, burning her body. But it was all in my head. I could do nothing as she slid my zipper down.

And then the buzzing started. High pitched buzzing and everything went black.

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"EDWARD?!"

I turned to face a livid Rosalie and felt myself coming back to reality. I was stagerring though. I felt lost and dazed and completely unable to move. My beautiful sisters and wife seemed like figments of my imagination. Clearly they could not be _here_. Everything else had not been real. It was all in my head. Surely this was too. It had to be. Otherwise…

"_NO! NO! NO! NO!" _I screamed or so I thought, because she ran out the door anyway.

And right as she did…I climaxed. Right in Tanya's mouth. She moaned in pleasure and I began to feel the consequences of what trusting her had done.

"_Bel…Bella…where's Bella…can anyone hear me…Rose…Alice…where is she…what's going on…what the…" _

Without another thought, Rose was on Tanya. And holy hell, was she whaling on her. It was abundantly clear, while she was defending Bella's honor, this was taken personal. This was also about Emmett all those years ago. I didn't blame her though. Tanya did it just to spite Rose.

I made eye contact with Alice and she stared at me like I was the most foul creature on the face of this planet. For more than one reason…my penis was haning out of my pants.

I made quick work of my zipper and jumped from the chair as Rose and Tanya broke our home to pieces. I grabbed Alice firmly by the shoulders and looked her in the eye.

"Where is she? Where did she go?" I heard a car pull in and knew I only had sseconds to be so cold to Alice before Jazz would burst in and kill me.

"Why should I tell _you_?! What the fuck is wrong with you, Edward?!"

"I…I…don't know. I can't explain. It's-"

And that's when the raging growls between Rosalie and Tanya reached new heights. I turned to see all the commotion and they broke right through the front door. Infuriating Alice further in the process.

In the blink of an eye, Jazz and Emmett had pried them apart. It wasn't without difficulty because hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Rose was on a mission and I was really amazed she had not ripped Tanya's limbs off.

"Ladies, I'm not sure what's goin' on here but I can feel a range of crazy emotions from everyone here and quite frankly, it's painful. Can someone please tell me what's goin' on?" I could see the pain this was inflicting on Jazz and while for the most part he welcomed a good fight, he was a man of few words so this little question was a loaded one.

"Bella, Rose and I went hunting just after you guys left for the movie and when we returned Tanya was blowing Edward. And Bella saw."

"ALICE!" I yelled at her.

"What Edward? Did I get something wrong? Was she not on her knees in front of you? In our house? The one you share with Bella. Am I wrong? Did I miss something?" I glared at her as she spoke.

"Bro, what did you do?"

"Emmett, I don't want to talk about this to any of you. This is between Bella and me."

I stormed off to my bedroom leaving them all to talk but not before turning back to face Tanya.

"I thought of you as a friend..how wrong I was." I slamed the door but caught every word Emmett said. She just stared at me with that guilty as sin smile plastered to her face while she licked her lips…savoring the taste I guess.

"I don't know who the fuck you think you are, Tanya. But you've disrespected my wife, you've damage my mother's house and betrayed my sister-in-law. I would kindly appreciate it if you vacated the Cullen house."

"Emmett, I will leave when I'm good and ready." She seathed.

"Alright, bitch…you asked for it."

And…with that. She got a swift kick in the ass and she was literally flying out the doorway. Rosalie and Alice both laughed as Jazz made his way up what was left of the stairs.

"_Edward?" _

"In my room Jazz. Come on in."

He casually walked in the room and sat on the bed I shared with Bella. I wondered if she'd ever be back in it.

"Dude, what happened? Everything is so fucked up. How could you do this to Bella?" he glowered at me, making it abundantly clear just how disappointed he was in me.

"Jazz, I didn't do this on purpose. She…she had some kind of haze over me. Something about Bella's venom and how a person's needs were empowered by it. I have no idea. Nothing she said made sense. And then everything went black and the next thing I know, I'm coming in her fucking mouth and Bella has stormed out the door. I don't know man. What the fuck do I do?" I sat on my sofa and buried my face in my hands. Completely hummiliated. Like the coward I was, I hid behind my hands.

"I see. She's the phoenix. How did I never seen this?" He stared up at the ceiling, smiling.

"A phoenix? What the fuck does that mean?" I had never heard of such a thing.

"A phoenix. Maybe not by text book standards but she is an anomaly, that's for damn sure."

He stared at me like I was the definition of retarded and I stared right back at him like, yes I am…explain.

"You see, Bella has been…_restored_. When you changed her, you brought forth everything she ever wanted in her human life. To be beautiful, like us. To be better than average, like us. To be gifted, like _us_. She thought her silent brain to mean there was somethin' wrong with _her_. She didn't see the beauty of her gift. Her mind was powerful. The very definition of it. Think of it as someone who suffers a traumatic experience. Most humans, go to therapy, talk it out, take the damn twelve steps…whatever. Others, very few of 'em, their minds are so protective of 'em and the hurt it caused, they completely block it out. People talk to 'em and ask about what happened and they ain't got no damn clue what they're talkin' about. Because that brain wants to shield them from further anguish. Bella may have felt anhilated by that for some reason. And she has an intense need to please, everyone. She wants to meet everyone else's need first and foremost. So adapts to whatever the hell they want no matter what the cost. She's a damn martyr, Edward."

"Yeah, but that doesn't explain how her venom was able to empower Tanya. How that made it possible to…intoxicate me."

"Have you been listening to me? Her entire being is an unselfish driving force. Her body is no longer made of blood, she's all venom. Consider her the next generation of our kind. A damn prodigy. She was once human, therefore a mammal. Warm blooded little lady. Her entire body is controlled by her mind. Remember, as a human, your mind tells your heart to pump blood, jump over that puddle, hold your damn gas till you reach the john. When you changed her, that damn brain of hers told her venom to comply with the needs of the body it occupied. So when she sliced into Tanya…wooo, boy. She may as well have sat back and said 'fuck my husband'."

This had never occurred to me. Bella's brain…I'll admit…had always made me think she just wasn't average. I didn't ever think she was any prodigy…anomaly. She was always different and for that I loved her all the more but this…this was different. Way different. She would certainly be the kind of thing the Volturri would want to know about…

"Edward, after she attacked Tanya, did anything change? About Tanya that is?"

"It did actually. I started thinking about her in…in appropriate ways. Even when I was making love to Bella. She was at the forefront of my mind. I couldn't shake her. and it seemed like the more time I spent around her, the stronger the hold she had on me. I found myself unable to fight it and after a while, I found myself not wanting to either. How fucked up is that?"

"Did she breathe on you a lot? Make physical contact with you?" Jazz asked.

"She did actually. And anytime I locked eyes with her, I felt like I was drowning. It was strange."

"There you have it. She was poinsoning you."

"How is that even possible Jazz?"

"Edward, how is anything possible?"

"Yeah, but the other stuff. I can't hear anyone's thoughts around Bella, Alice cannot see any visions of her. Why, if she wants to meet everyone's needs?"

"She doesn't. Her venom wants to meet the needs. The other stuff…just potatoes. Who cares? You've never really cared to listen in anyway. She's protecting all those 'round her, not blocking you. The stuff with Alice…who cares. Who wants to live their lives always knowing when the other shoe is gonna drop? I know I don't. It sounds cliché, but it doesn't make it any less true…life's a journey not a destination. Just because we're monsters doesn't mean we should be deprieved human experiences if were afforded 'em. Live a little. It can't be nineteen eighteen all the time Edward. I'm far older than you are and I still like me some spontanioty."

I sat and thought about his words and what this all meant. If this theory of Jazz's was correct, I'd never be able to stop Tanya. She would have to be killed because she would always embody Bella's venom. And she could _only_ be killed by Bella. Taking the chance of her venom, mixed with Bella's being spread to anyone else was a very scary thought. Bella was no muderer but if the Volturi ever got wind of this…we were so fucked.

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**AN: And we meet again! So this is only the first half of what went down. I apologize for that but it was getting so wordy I had to stop it there before it killed me. So thanks again for coming back, I told you guys to trust me! I love Bella, I would never have Edward **_**intentionally**_** hurt her. Again, credit goes to my BFF Vern because she is such a bad ass and she came up with all this, I'm just the one who sits at the computer and types. Show some love…leave a review. Till next time! **


	15. Chapter 15

**And we're back. Don't have much to say just hope you enjoy.**

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**Chapter 15 – True Love Cannot be Found Where it Does Not Truly Exist…**

I must have called her at least ten times. She never answered though. I wondered how in the world I would fix any of this. _Humans_ sometimes couldn't fix these kinds of problems. How the hell would I do it now? I poured my heart and soul into every message I left but got nothing in return. She was beyond upset; that much I knew.

And clearly no one was on my side about anything. Emmett and Rosalie were packing. From the sounds of it they were headed to Moscow. Alice was packing too but was translating Psalm twenty-three into Arabic in her head. Jazz was contemplating buying a horse but knew owning an animal was futile. We had yet to hear from Carlisle and Esme, but if I knew my sister, and I was sure I did…she'd already called them and gave them the news. I decided to try and confront her on plans to leave.

I strolled to her's and Jazz's room as quietly as possible.

"Alice?"

"Don't talk to me asshole." She snapped back at my gentle approach.

"Where are you going?"

"Wherever you aren't. I can't stand the sight of you right now."

"Alice, please."

"Edward…" She sighed heavily and I knew she was battling. Torn between her brother and best friend. Her shaking body showed how much she would cry if she could.

"Edward…why? How could you do this to Bella? To all of us? Do you have any idea where this puts us? And what about Carlisle and Esme? Their relationship with the Denali's…where does it leave any of us? Bella has given everything for you; to be _with_ you. EVERYTHING!"

She stomped around throwing clothes, shoes, make up, belts, hats. Whatever her little hands could get themselves on.

"Will you at least tell me where she is?"

"Edward, I wouldn't tell you even if _her_ life depended on it." Then she shoved a photo frame into my chest.

It was a wedding photo of Bella and me. "I hope you choke on it." She growled before she walked out the door.

"Bella…" I whispered to no one in particular as I gazed at her beautiful face in the photo.

"WE'RE TAKING YOUR CAR ASSHOLE!" She yelled as they walked out to the garage.

I looked around the house as I made my way back down and opted to start the repairs of this place since Bella was obviously not calling me back any time soon.

I wasn't much of a groveler so I didn't call Bella back the following day. I knew she needed some space. As apparently so did everyone else. Alice and Jazz never returned from wherever they went. Emmett and Rose left the following morning as well. I still had two people to face before I knew I'd hear back from Bella. They walked in as I was putting the finishing touches on the stairs…

Carlisle and Esme said nothing to me as they made their way back in the house. I didn't dare peak into their thoughts. I could only imagine what they thought of me. I couldn't bear to hear it from them. But the love they still both shared for me was undeniable. That would never fade. My mother and father would love me till the end of time. It's how they were built.

Esme walked over to me and the expression on her face just about broke me. Disappointment. I quickly jumped up from the stairs and hugged her. It was all I could do.

"Mom, I'm so sorry. I…she…I don't know." I buried my face in her shoulder and heaved. As close to vampires can possibly heave anyway.

"Edward?" She pried my face off her body and met my eyes.

"Yeah Mom?"

"I don't know what it will take to make this right, but you need to fix this. And as much as I love you, I will not speak to you until all my children are back under this roof. That includes Bella."

She began to walk up the stairs, headed to her room no doubt.

"Esme, how do you expect-"

"Just FIX IT! My children have all left this house because of your actions. Our Bella, our sweet Bella is gone as well. My daughter, your wife, you do remember her, right? She is hurting beyond what any of us can comprehend. And what hurts her, hurts Jazz. I'm sure you can understand that. And what hurts Jazz, upsets Alice. Alice is the closest sibling you have. And you've killed her as well. Bella is her best friend. And Rosalie…she may not be Bella's biggest fan but she was coming around. She was trying…FOR YOU! Because she loves you. And Emmett loves her so much. So much that he will separate himself from us to be with her. And you know he hates leaving this family. HATES IT!" She squeezed her eyes shut and bowed her head.

"I'm so sorry Mom. I don't even know what happened."

Carlisle walked up behind her and hugged her. "Honey, why don't you go lie down."

As she made her way back up the stairs my father turned back and glared at me.

I was in for it…

"_Well, she is pissed." His thoughts reached to me._

"I knew she would be." I walked over to the couch and sat staring out the window.

"Edward, I don't want to know exactly what happened. All I want to know is how you are going to fix this. I will help you in anyway possible because I love you and I love Bella but that does not mean under any circumstances were your actions acceptable." His tone was both warm but final.

"Don't worry, Carlisle. I don't need anyone's help." I leaped from my chair and stormed up to my room.

I had thought if anyone would be by my side, it would have been Carlisle. It seemed like the only logical option. He was my father, in just about every sense of the term. I thought he would stick by me no matter what. That he would at least say, tell me what happened and we'd go from there. I was wrong. I was wrong about a lot of things…

I cowered around my room like a complete idiot. Hiding from the world. As if sulking in my bed would change anything. Bella was gone. The love of my life had walked out the door and I had no idea where she was or when she was coming back. If she was ever coming back. Part of me wanted to sit around and feel sorry for myself but I knew it was pointless. No one would feel sorry for me and I didn't even deserve to do it to myself. But I had nowhere to go, nothing to do, no one to talk to. I was as alone as I had always claimed to be but never really was. I was officially the boy that cried wolf…

I didn't hear from anyone for months. Alice never came back nor did she return my phone calls. Jazz kept me at a distance. Emmett and Rose cut everyone off. Carlisle and Esme were not speaking to me. And Bella…I had no idea.

For the most part Carlisle and Esme kept their thoughts to themselves. The only thing I ever heard out of Esme were her prayers. She was always begging to her God to fix this. To help fix all of us. To help reconcile Bella and me. She prayed for things I knew would never come. I knew it because I'd lost hope.

The one thing I knew would seal my doom was to lose faith and that's exactly what I did. I lost faith in my marriage, in my wife, my family…myself. I began to wonder if _I _had in anyway caused all this chaos. Did I somehow wish this, unknowingly? Had I been looking for something more and never even knew? I couldn't be sure. I knew throughout the entire ordeal that Tanya was doing _something _to me. But I didn't know why either. I had always known she was fond of me but so much so that she would jeopardize my marriage…it seemed impossible. She was never that selfish. At least not to my knowledge. I wish I had been more perceptive to her. I wished she hadn't been so self absorbed.

I threw myself into my music. It was the only thing I had to hold on to. My family members were not speaking to me. My wife had disappeared. The woman that caused all these problems…who knows. Probably laughing her ass off wherever she had escaped to. I suddenly felt more alone then I had in all the years before I met Bella combined. I had reverted to the self loathing person I hadn't been in years. I hated it, but I felt like I'd lost all purpose in life. I suddenly wondered if falling in love with Bella was now a mistake. How could I possibly hurt someone so much that I was supposed to love? Love beyond all reason. Maybe it was my destiny to be alone, but I refused to believe Bella's was to be hurt and cheated. I refused to believe God was that cruel. Or maybe he was…

As the days went on, I found myself living a very human life. I made sure Esme's garden was kept, the lawn was mowed, the house was cleaned, the mail picked up, the bills paid. It was therapeutic. Living amongst the living, like the living, but as dead and empty as a statue. People noticed my constant trips to the local Home Depot. Wondering what kind of project I was working on at home. Was I building something for Bella? Esme? Was I working on another wing of the house? Building a new garage for our massive car collection? People could be so weird at times.

What it boiled down to was I was doing everything and anything to keep my mind preoccupied. When I found myself with time to think…all I wondered was where Bella was. That led to the guilty feeling, which led to desperate phone calls that went unanswered, unanswered calls led to murderous rage, the rage led to destruction, destruction led to Home Depot, Home Depot brought me to the shallow people. The shallow people drove me insane, insanity drove me home, home was still not speaking to me, not speaking to me led to sadness, sadness led to Bella. It was an endless cycle really.

When Bella finally called I wasn't sure what to make of it, but I didn't hesitate to answer either. I knew this was my only opportunity. She would only give me this one time to speak and that would be it. It killed me knowing I had done all of this to us. I had begged her to trust Tanya. Pleaded with her to be reasonable.

"_Bella, Tanya is family."_

What a crock.

It only took till the second ring before I answered. But she didn't make any sense to me.

"_I just called to let you know that I'm ok. That I'm safe. That I understand. You don't have to pretend anymore. I'll be ok."_

What the hell did she think I was pretending with? My feelings for her? My devotion to her? What the fuck? The second part killed me.

"_It doesn't matter. I just…I'm going to see an attorney tomorrow. I'll have the papers drawn up. I'm done. I love you enough to let you go. I know what I need to do. You've disappeared. You've become someone I don't know. In a way I guess so have I."_

She said the words to me like they were effortless. She was ready to end it all. She was really going through with it. I had speculated as much but…

Where would that leave us? What would that really solve? Was she ok with just running away from everything? Was it not enough that I was remorseful, that I admitted that I was wrong? Did she still need more? It didn't matter. I'd give it all to her. All she had to do was say it. But my panic set in. I realized I had only seconds.

"_Bella…NO! That's…NO!"_

"_It's ok, Edward. I just want you to be happy. I love you."_

"_Bella…WAIT! I lo-"_

She hung up before I could even get the words out. And just like that…she was gone again.

Carlise and Esme pulled out of the garage as I waved goodbye from the driveway.

"_We'll be in Port Angeles if you need anything."_

Even in his thoughts, Carlisle's words were both short and cold. I didn't know how much longer I could take all of this. No one speaking to me, my wife filing for divorce, my brothers and sisters abandoning me. It was pure torture. I'd lost everyone.

I resolved to just take one day at a time. Much like an alcoholic. It was the only option I had.

I sat at my piano and wondered what Bella was doing at that very moment. I wondered if she was thinking about me. Thinking about the times we'd spent together, places we'd seen together, obstacles we'd overcome. I wondered if Victoria was watching us from hell laughing at both of us. It seemed possible, and likely. I smiled at my idiocy when I heard the front door click. I turned around and there _she_ was.

"Tanya, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"Well hello to you too, Edward? Is that any way to greet an old friend?" her face gave way to a wicked smile as she kicked off her cheap slut heels.

"Friend? You have the nerve to call yourself a friend after what you did to me?" I pushed back on the bench from the piano and walked over to the south wall of the house.

"Oh, honey. I didn't do anything to you that you didn't let me."

I turned around to address her shit comment as she made her way towards me.

"Bullshit! You…you…you fucking poisoned me or some shit. I don't know but you took advantage. ADVANTAGE! You call yourself a friend? How could you do this to me and my family? I thought we were friends. Shit, I was wrong."

"Edward, come on. Let me make it right. I can make you feel good."

I stared at her. Utterly fucking shocked. How could she be so cavalier about all of this? She had ruined my marriage. Torn my family apart, disgraced her family, put us all at odds and she still thought I'd want her. I couldn't figure her out.

"You honestly think I want you? How in the world could you ever believe that I'd want you? Look at you. Look at the kind of woman you are. You are a fucking home wrecker. You are a disgrace to your family name. This is what you do. What you've always done. You sleep around with unsuspecting men, men who on any other day would be totally and completely devoted to their spouses and you pounce on them. Like a wild fucking cat, you pounce, attack, and then you leave the scene of the crime in shambles. You destroy marriages, you devastate children, you scar women. Are you fucking proud of that?" She didn't seem to me like my words were even affecting her.

"Please, Edward. Don't be ridiculous. I don't do anything to anyone that doesn't already want it. You are a different story. That much is true. But what difference does it make? Bella was a human. A _human_! How fucking ridiculous was that. Did you think she could give you everything your heart desired? And worse than that, she was a virgin for crying out loud. You didn't want some _girl_ in your bed, did you? You wanted a woman. Someone who knew what she was doing. Someone who knew how to please a man. Not someone you have to wait on while she learns the ropes of it all. Please. I've seen more sexual talent on dogs."

"SO WHAT! She was a human, a young girl, a virgin. So what? So was I. And I loved her from the moment I laid eyes on her, I think I always loved her. No one can change that. You can poison me any fucking way you want. At the end of the day…it's her. It's always been her. She's in every thought I have. She's in every breath I take. She is my sole purpose in life and death. Every choice I've ever made was one step closer to finding her. She will always be it for me. You can do whatever you want to me. You can blow me, you can trap me, you can find a way into my bed. It will never matter. I'll. Never. Want. You."

And it was so fucking true. I never would. She'd always be a distraction. Nothing more. My cold, dead heart belonged to Bella. She was my center. The epitome of goodness in my world. I could see the pain in Tanya's face. She couldn't accept that. She could not see what I saw in Bella. All she saw was some pitiful excuse of being. Well, fuck her.

I hated being this cruel to her but I had to be. She'd never listen to me. Never. I would always be the obstacle she needed to conquer. I'm not sure why. I don't know what did it for her but she was…obsessed.

"I know that you love her, Edward. I've always known that. And that's what drew me to you the most. I wanted that. I've envied her as long as I've known she's been in your life. Don't you think it's painful for me too? I'm in love with you Edward. I've always been. You have always been what I wanted but I could never have you. All the years I've known you, nothing. Even after I confessed so many years ago how much I wanted you, it wasn't enough. You have never looked at me the way you do with her. All the men I've had over the years…they were all supplements for what I couldn't have with you. Not even a fraction of it have I ever been given. You've only ever seen me as a member of your family. It's repulsive. I want you…with every fabric of my being and I can't have you. It kills me, Edward. It fucking kills me. I had to…I had to do what I could. You'd never come to me any other way."

Her body convulsed as she spoke. All the years I'd known her, I never took _feelings_ into consideration. I'd never thought she could ever have real feelings for me. It didn't make sense. I didn't see her that way, why would she do it to me?

I didn't get a chance to find out though. It was time for round two. There she was again. In my head. Whispering, yelling, moaning, flashing mental images. Making me think of her, trying to force me to want her. And I couldn't stop it. I felt myself being pulled to the family room. I was sitting and she was whispering shit in my ear. I couldn't make it out though. My vision was going black and my mind was starting to feel void of any capability of functioning.

I lost control of myself. I sat frozen, listening to her every word, watching her every movement but unable to do anything about it. I sat there like a complete and utter waste. I yelled, I kicked, I punched, I lunged at her, karate chopped her head, spit in her face, gouged her eyes out, ripped her head off, set her body on fire, danced and laughed at her grave. Or so I thought. They were just visions of what I wanted to do but couldn't in this vegetative state. I was fucking hopeless. The bitch had me by the balls, just like a woman…

But then it all shifted. I felt a warmth radiating towards me. Fighting against the darkness Tanya was forcing on me. Bringing light into my dark. Life into my death. Color was shining down on me from every direction. As if the clouds had broken free of the storm and heavens gates were opening for me, Gabriel stood there and confirmed. And then I just knew. I knew…she was coming. She was coming for me, to me. To claim me again. My love was near, I could feel her. And it was delightful. She would free me from this prison. My Juliet was coming to be mine again. My senses were surfacing again. My ration, emerging. My will, restored.

"Make love to me, Edward." Were the last words I heard from Tanya before Bella attacked.

And from one second to the next, I was out of my funk. And Bella had Tanya pinned to the ground. Her hands trapped Tanya's arms down as the rest of her body straddled Tanya and encaged her by the waist.

"Listen bitch…I don't know who you think you are, but Edward…is mine. Mine. Not yours. Not now, not ever. You have one opportunity to flee this house. _My_ house, safely. Are you smart enough to take it, or dumb enough to die fighting for a man who doesn't want you?" Her voice was laced in venom. And cold. Colder then I'd ever known Bella to be. It was sexy as hell.

"HA! If he was really yours, I wouldn't have been able to suck his dick so easily. _Bitch_." That was all that needed to be said. Tanya was a dead woman.

Fists flew, bodies were thrown, windows were breaking, floors cracking. I couldn't make heads or tails of anything. Tanya was an old and skilled vampire, but Bella…she seemed like a natural. She anticipated every move Tanya made, countered it every time. It didn't dawn on me that I was doing it for her. She was able to mimic my gift and use it to her advantage. Suddenly, it didn't seem like an invasion of privacy any more.

Growls erupted and screams filled my ears as they tumbled through the south wall of the house. I couldn't even move. Everything was happening so fast. Even for me, it was too much. After I lost sight of them, my brain snapped back to reality and I picked up my phone to call Carlisle. He picked up on the first ring.

"CARLISLE?"

"Were on our way, son. Alice saw it. We're on our way."

We quickly hung up and I raced outside to salvage whatever I could. I honestly didn't feel the need to stop it since I knew that Tanya needed to be stopped. Permanently. But it still killed me to think that she could betray our family so easily. What would have become of any future if she remained so callus and vengeful?

As I made it out the door, Bella ripped Tanya's right arm from her body as she leaped on her. Tanya screamed in agonized pain, I'm sure, and the whaling rattled my brain. I had to grab my head in both my hands. I felt the pressure of her yell in my bones. I closed my eyes and begged her to stop screaming. And she did. But not of her own doing. I didn't realize the control Bella was displaying.

"You're only alive because I've let you live. I can shut you up as easily as I can snap my fingers. I can feel myself inside you. I can feel your body, through my venom. It calls to me. I didn't know it until I walked in that door. Did you honestly think you could win any of this?"

Tanya laid frozen on the ground, grasping her open wound. Shock written clearly across her face. Then shock turned to total disdain and envy.

"No. You can't. How…why…NO!"

"I can. Tanya, what you don't know is that in the time I've been away…I searched for answers, I went to the source of it all. I sought out the Volturri. After all, Aro needed to know Edward had made good on his word changing me. And I learned a few things, things I chose not to believe but these theories they spoke to me of were quickly supported the minute I walked in that door. I could feel my venom pumping in your body. Your need to conquer Edward. To have him. To take advantage. To cause a wedge between us. And I let that happen. I made that mistake. I inflicted myself on you, for that I am regretful. I let this carry on, but it stops and it stops right now. And I can make it stop. I can make anything happen concerning you as long as I want it."

"Bella, is this true?" It seemed logical but I had to ask either way.

"It is. I spoke to Aro a couple days ago and he mentioned Jazz had been in touch with him and confirmed everything had been done. He explained my…_gifts _to Aro and he described me as the phoenix. Very rare, but not unheard of. He's only ever heard of four others in all his years. He kicked himself in the ass for not ever having seen it but it is the truth."

And then she smiled at me, and my dead heart beat to life again.

"Oh, Bella." I walked over to her, threw my arms around her and kissed her with reckless abandon. But she pulled away too quickly.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"Nothing. Everything is just right. As for you Tanya, I'll give you one last chance to redeem yourself. Walk out of our lives, forever and never return or meet your maker. What will it be?"

She sat, thoughtful for a minute but spoke.

"I'll never give up fighting for him."

"Wrong answer."

Bella laughed then hurled at her, ripped her head off, lit a match and set her remains on fire. To say that I was totally fucking shocked is putting it mildly. I stood there frozen and watched, what was once a loved and respected member of my family, float up into purple smoke. I thought of all the moments of happiness we had shared in our lives but none of them eclipsed the hurt she had inflicted on our family. It was a bittersweet ending. And just like that she was gone.

"SON OF A BITCH!" I turned to see Alice glaring at us with her hands on her hips. "I missed all the action." Her voice was so whiny, she sounded like a toddler.

"Nah. There wasn't much to see. It was over way before it even started." Bella, always modest.

"Don't scale it down. You beat on her, and it really looked like you enjoyed it." I laughed I put my arm around her, kissed her temple and just basked in the loving feeling of having her back in my arms.

"So, you two look awfully cozy", said Alice.

"We are, thank you dear sister." I replied.

"Bella, it must be nice to have the asshole back." She giggled as she spoke to Bella.

"Oh, we're not back yet. We've got a shit load of talking to do."

I quickly turned and faced Bella. Completely shocked. What could there be to talk about?

"Bella, love, what is there to discuss? You're back. Where you belong. What more do you need?"

"Edward, I need more than just to be back in your arms. We are not fixed just because I'm here. We have some serious issues to discuss. Aren't you at all concerned about my talk with Aro? Don't you want to know where I've been? I mean, the last thing I said to you...I'm pretty sure you saw where I was headed. Aren't you at all concerned about whether or not we're still married?"

I stood, shocked. Were we still married?

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**AN: Hello friends. I'm sorry about the wait. I've had this together for a while…more/less but so much craziness went on in my personal life that took priority over this. Selfish of me, I know, but I had to. My husband really needed me. He found his biological father (he's adopted). And life has only gotten better since!**

**I desperately tried to get this chapter to live up to the hype I felt I built but a fight scene was not my strong suit. And honestly, I've adopted the ****TrueBlood**** "theory", in a sense. No vampire is stronger than it's maker. Granted Bella is not Tanya's maker but her venom was feeding Tanya's needs and desires. Her venom empowered Tanya's talents…in my mind – that's dominance over Tanya. Sooooooo….writing Bella kicking that whore's ass, just wasn't in me. Sadly, this is all I have and I hope you all enjoy. Share your thoughts with me. Leave a review, even if it's to tell me that it was about as great as ****Breaking Dawn**** was. I promise to only cry in my bathroom, in the middle of the night, with the lights off.**

**I'm also debating doing an outtake of Bella's conversation with Aro. It came up at the last minute so if there is enough interest, I'm more than happy to get started on that. I'm not sure that this is at it's "end" yet, but it's certainly creeping up. I have another fic planned after this and the other fic I'm trying to write (check my profile if you're interested). It will be AH and completely OOC. I haven't heard of anything else like it yet but I'm sure there's something out there. It will still be a Bella/Edward story. But they won't be together. They'll have different spouses and it will probably tear and your heart more than you can bear. Bella and Edward live mediocre lives, everything is routine; until their kids bring them together. Their relationship tears families apart, children are caught in the middle, lives are lost. Their love is forbidden and they refuse to give up on each other, but are they willing to lose it all just to be together? Get me on author alert if I peeked your interest.**

**Till next time…try: **

**On Twilighted:**

**With Teeth by TalulaBlue (I have no words to describe how epically awesome this is)**

**On FF: **

**Stranger than Fiction by MasenVixen **

**Tips for Better Living by adorablecullens**


	16. Chapter 16

**Yeah…this is my room. JK! Thought I'd open with a crack seeing as how I'm on the verge of being murdered…sorry about that wait. It's a little short but I had to leave it on an interesting note.**

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**Chapter 16 – I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep**

The fact that _she_ was there in our home attempting to seduce my husband again, fucking enraged me. I was livid. But I also knew there was no way she could do any more than I allowed her to. Aro had mentioned at least that much to me.

I hadn't thought of my conversation with Aro or Jasper since it had happened. I knew it all in my heart to be true but I wasn't ready to come to terms with any of it. I knew the minute I saw him, I'd remember, in graphic detail, exactly what had happened. And right now I wanted nothing more than just to disappear from it all. I wanted to turn back time and erase the last couple months. Nothing had been worth it. The fights with Edward were painful even though they were trivial. He and I never fought before and those last weeks together had been pure torture. We had walked on eggshells with each other and it wasn't the way I had wanted to live. I wish I had tried harder. I wish I had kept better tabs on Tanya. I wish…I wish, I wish, I wish. I could wish all I wanted for as long as I wanted, I couldn't change the past. All I could do was make sure my future was better.

Walking back into my home and finding her there caused something to snap within me. And before I knew what I was doing, I was on that bitch like white on rice. And the minute I made physically contact with her…I could hear my own voice inside her head. I could hear what she was thinking, what she wanted, what she desired…what she needed. Dominance. That's what she wanted. What she needed to take over Edward. It was bizarre.

It was like I was giving her a pep talk before a big game or something. But my voice was slightly altered. Even more so then when I was around Edward and I could hear others thoughts through him. There was a distinct echo in it. Almost as if I was speaking from a distance, but I knew I could stop it all dead in it's tracks. But I was the only one who knew, so I took the liberty of playing her game. I could hear the fight she had in her. I knew she was willing to give it a shot. In her eyes, I was still an uncontrollable newborn and I would undoubtedly end up only hurting myself. She thought I had no real skills and had surely never been trained; this was a fight she expected to walk away from.

So we duked it out like a couple of wild cats. We beat each other, mauled each other, broke furniture, tore through walls, and just all around chaos ensued but quite frankly I was getting bored with it. I wondered if I was that good or she was that bad…

I overpowered her, effortlessly I might add, and ripped her right arm off. It was disgusting and foul but necessary. She screamed in pain and I knew it was pain because I could feel the ache in her too. I felt it from her, through my venom. I could feel it circulating through her, wandering aimlessly in her body like a lost child but powerful enough to fulfill her every need. Every. Single. One.

But the screaming was obnoxious and I willed her to be quiet. And she did. It was great. I'd had all I could take.

"You're only alive because I've let you live. I can shut you up as easily as I can snap my fingers. I can feel myself inside you. I can feel your body, through my venom. It calls to me. I didn't know it until I walked in that door. Did you honestly think you could win any of this?"

And she did. She really thought she had a chance at winning him over. She honestly assumed, I would walk away, leave Edward and he would come looking for solace in her. Well, hell no. He…is mine.

So I mentioned I had spoken with Aro and gave her just enough information to think about changing her mind. Not enough to cause any real suspicion but enough, or so I thought. She made it very clear that from this point forward, there was no turning back. She was prepared to go down with her ship. And I couldn't help but wonder if maybe she already knew. Was it possible that she had spoken to Aro herself? Or was she experienced enough to know exactly what my gifts were and the whole idea was to get me out of the picture before I realized it. It made sense because she screamed "no" many times. Maybe she'd already had her suspicions. Her sisters were very old too. I'm sure they could have told her things about me whenever she spoke to them. She called them on a daily basis. I could hear her conversations but I always respected her privacy and went about my own thing. I should have trusted my instincts.

Edward walked right over to me after I confirmed what I knew and passionately kissed me on the lips. And all the world seemed to fall back into it's rightful place. I thanked the good Lord for having created such a place. I thanked my wonderful parents having made me, my stubborn father for never leaving Forks and my erratic mother for allowing me to move back here with my dad. I thanked Alice for having come to me after I jumped off that cliff and guiding me back to Edward, I thanked the Cullen's for welcoming me into their family and surprisingly…I thanked Edward for having lost control on our honeymoon. For wanting me so badly, even my own safety was compromised. I suddenly found myself incredibly grateful for even all the things that were wrong. Because in the end, it all brought me to Edward.

I really thought, the moment he touched my lips that everything was as it should be but it started to feel wrong suddenly. The earth seemed to be shifting and my emotions were erratic. Teetering on the brink of hurt and rage, and I couldn't figure it out. So I pulled away from the kiss and lied to him when he asked if everything was ok. I tried to convince myself it was the audience that made me uncomfortable. So I turned to address Tanya.

"As for you Tanya, I'll give you one last chance to redeem yourself. Walk out of our lives, forever and never return or meet your maker. What will it be?"

"I'll never give up fighting for him."

"Wrong answer."

So I hurled at her, ripped her head off, lit a match and set her fucking remains on fire. And I loved every single fucking second of it. But my content was short lived. Every time I looked at Edward, I'd see them together. I was stealing glances at him through my peripheral every chance I got and it became more painful than the last, every time. What the hell was going on? I was finally back with the love of my life and my subconscious was rubbing every wrong he did in my face. And it burned. It burned me a thousand fiery deaths.

When he placed his arm around me, it felt disgusting. It was the most foul thing I had ever experienced. I wanted nothing more than to rip his arm off of me and shove it back at him. I wanted to spit in his face and kick dirt at his feet. Never in my years with him had I ever felt any animosity towards him. Not even when he left me. It killed me. I didn't enjoy how it felt and I didn't want to address it either. I knew where this would lead to and it was the opposite of why I'd come home.

"Edward, I need more than just to be back in your arms. We are not fixed just because I'm here. We have some serious issues to discuss. Aren't you at all concerned about my talk with Aro? Don't you want to know where I've been? I mean, the last thing I said to you...I'm pretty sure you saw where I was headed. Aren't you at all concerned about whether or not we're still married?"

He stared at me in complete wonder. Almost as if I had been speaking another language. Was he really that surprised?

"Bella…I…"

"Alice, Esme, why don't we give Edward and Bella some privacy." Carlisle politely nodded towards us as Esme and Alice registered the extent of what was about to happen.

"Of course, dear." Esme walked over to me and planted a very sweet kiss on the cheek. Smiling warmly, she walked away as Alice embraced me.

"I've missed you so much. Jazz should be by later. He wants to catch up with you."

"Sure. Just let me know. Give me a call if I'm not here though." I turned back to Edward as Alice walked away.

"Do you plan on _not_ being here later?" Edward's question caught me off guard. Did he really think it was going to be that easy.

"Edward…I won't deny that I've missed you like crazy. That I thought about you every single moment I was away. I won't lie to you and say that it didn't break my heart knowing you did this to me. It drove me mad. I questioned everything I was worth. I reevaluated everything we'd ever been through. I second guessed every time you ever said you loved me. I thought of ways to kill you every time I remembered you saying Tanya was family. And it killed me. It still kills me. And it felt wonderful to be held by you. And I felt whole again the minute your lips touched mine. But that's not enough." I turned around in an attempt to regain my composure.

"Bella…I...it wasn't my fault. You have to know that." He pleaded with me as he came up from behind. I quickly turned to face him. My own will too weak to not look at his remarkably beautiful face.

"I know that it wasn't. That's the hardest part of this. I shouldn't blame you. It's not fair. But it doesn't make it hurt any less. I'll never be able to rid that image from my mind. The one of you in that chair with _her _lips wrapped around _your_ manhood. That will always be a constant for me. You've told me how memories in this life won't ever fade. My human ones would. How can I live with all of that? How can I come back and stand by your side like you didn't break a vow to me? How? Tell me how. Because I'm trying. I'm really fucking trying to suck it up and let our love for each other be enough but I can't. I can't!"

"Bella, try harder. Please, I'm begging you. I can't live in a world without you. I can't find any reason in breathing, in hunting, in living. Please, Bella. Please…"

"Edward, you can't tell me things like that and think they are going to change anything. I've lived with all that for months. For months, I didn't hunt. I didn't breathe, I didn't live, I didn't exist, I didn't blink my eyes, brush my hair, make contact with my family…sometimes I didn't even get out of bed. But when Jazz came to visit me, I…I don't know. He shed some light on things and I thought if I got myself together again I'd be ok. I thought you were unhappy with me, that you wanted something else. I was ready to let you go but when I walked out that door…I just couldn't. My connection to you was great, it forced my body to travel back to you. And I did, and I could feel you. Every step I took, I felt the distance shrink. I felt it in my bones, in my heart and I thought everything was falling back into place and then I get here and I see you, and what I've done to Tanya and it should be enough, right? I should be swinging from the clouds, basking in the happiness that we are rid of her, and you are free and we can be together but I CAN'T! All I see when I look at you is her and I can't do this. I can't force that pain on myself. Not anymore. You did enough of that already."

I closed my eyes and bowed my head. I couldn't look at him. I was dying inside.

"I never thought there would be something we couldn't overcome. I thought we were an unstoppable force, together. I thought we were indestructible. I guess I was the only thing that could break _us. _I'm sorry, Bella. I'll always be sorry. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. I swear it."

"I don't want you to even try Edward. It's not fair to you." I softly said to him.

"AND THIS IS? Nothing about this is fair, Bella. Nothing. I was hypnotized, in my own home, by my own _family, _I was taken advantage of, and _I'm _the one who's being punished. How is this fair? I've waited for you for over a century and I'm about to lose you over something I couldn't prevent. Yeah…this makes a lot of fucking sense."

He turned and walked away from me and for a moment I thought of running after him and begging him to understand where I was coming from but I just couldn't. Neither one of us would ever understand each other. I'd never forget what he did and he'd never understand why. I couldn't forgive him the way I had thought I could. I wondered why Jazz had ever bothered to visit me that day…

_I sat and stared out the window for the tenth day in a row. I hadn't left the bed and I hadn't blinked my eyes in those ten days. I wondered why God was so cruel, why I was being punished. Was it because of what I had become? Was I so damned, I didn't deserve an ounce of happiness?_

_Knock, knock. _

_I paused. If that was even possible since I was literally doing nothing. What the hell was that?_

_Knock, knock._

_Where was that shit coming from? I hadn't fed since I left the house, was I so deprived of food my mind was playing tricks on me? Was that even possible? I mean, I was dead wasn't I? Did I really need to feed?_

_Knock, knock._

_Where the hell is that knocking coming from?_

"_BELLA! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR, WOMAN!"_

"_OH SHIT!" I screamed as I jumped out of bed._

_I ran to the door and jolted it open to the second cutest boy I'd ever seen._

"'_Bout damn time. You know how long I've been knockin'?"_

"_Jazz…it's good to see you. Come on in." He looked me straight in the eye, took one step forward and hugged me._

"_What's that for?" I asked as he pulled away._

"_Ya needed it. I could tell." He pointed to his chest and said, "emo remember?"_

"_You're such a dork, Jasper. Come in, come in. Have a seat." He walked over to the small dinner table and pulled a chair out for me._

"_Ma'am?"_

"_Jasper, always the gentleman." I giggled as I walked over and sat down._

_He sat across from me and for a minute the silence was welcomed but it was short lived._

"_Ya think too much. You know that?" _

_I stared at him quizzically. "What do you mean?"_

"_I mean what I said. Ya think too much. Quit tryin' to analyze every damn thing in yer life. Not everythin' needs answers. Not everythin' is cause and effect. Why do ya want to know so much, so bad?"_

"_Jazz, you're not making any sense."_

"_Why do I need to make sense? So you'll understand? So you can feel better 'bout yourself?" _

"_Jazz, I'm not sure what you're getting at. Is this supposed to be some Abbott and Costello thing?"_

"_Bella…not everythin' in life has meanin'. Sometimes life sucks 'cause it does. Things don't always turn sour because they were meant to. Sometimes it just does. This whole thing with Edward…I think yer holdin' a little too much against him. I spoke to him 'bout all this. When ya left, I managed to get some information out of him 'bout what went down. A lot of it was confusing to say the very least since he was in some sort of daze but it's clear to me. It wasn't his fault. I think when ya attacked Tanya, ya shared part of yourself with her."_

"_Jazz, I didn't share anything with her. I caught her watching us, I know what was going through her mind. Why she was there." I all but growled at him as I spoke._

"_That's fine. I get that. We all know why she was there. I'm not doubting that. And I don't think ya willingly shared anythin' with her. But yer venom, Bella…is a very powerful force. I've got this theory an-" _

_I cut him off, I didn't think I wanted to hear this. "Jazz, I'm not going to sit here so you can defend Edward's honor." I pushed my chair out and was about to walk away but he caught my arm and prevented me from doing so._

"_Bella, hear me out. Please?"_

_We locked eyes in a stand-offish kind of way, but Jazz ever the emo, calmed me and I was forced to surrender._

_I sat back down and said, "Your emo crap is really unfair. You have thirty minutes. Make them count."_

"_I only need fifteen. Bella, when you were human, ya felt very alone in your life. Despite however much you were loved, ya always felt alone and had a strong desire to please all those 'round ya. When ya met and fell in love with Edward, in a sense, ya turned yer world upside down to accommodate whatever made him happy. The same way ya did with Jake, with Alice and the wedding, Renee and being her parent sometimes. Cooking dinner for Charlie, helping Angela with her graduation announcements. All of that you did for them. To make 'em happy and bring yourself a sense of belongin'. Am I right?"_

"_Yeah, but-"_

"_I'll do the talkin' darlin'. I just need yeses or no's from ya. So, I'm thinking, when you were changed ya brought forth that desire with ya. That intense need to belong, to feel beautiful, to be an equal to those you cared for most. Us…the Cullen's. You wanted that more than anythin'. When you were changin', you woke up two days early. I think that's 'cause ya already knew Charlie needed ya. I think since yer no longer controlled by that bizarre brain of yours, yer venom is yer driving force and it wills you to do what pleases others. So when you sliced into Tanya, yer venom was all she needed to get the job done."_

"_Get the job done? What do you mean?" This wasn't making sense._

"_She wanted Edward. More than anythin' in this world. She wanted him. But it didn't matter what she did, it wasn't enough. Because he loved you. Every, single part of ya. Yer venom fulfilled that void she was lacking to attract Edward. Gave 'er that boost she needed. Remember she's a succubus, she can intoxicate men with little to no effort. But she couldn't with Edward, 'cause he could hear her thoughts. He knew what she was trying to do before she did it so the efforts were futile. With you, he couldn't do that and he is so insanely drawn to ya, even in a sexual way he couldn't see through the facade she was puttin' up when she was near him 'cause it was yer venom he was drawn to. The same damn way he was drawn to yer blood when you were human. 'Cause you were his singer. Being immortal didn't change that. And yer venom met that need and desire she had to break him. Does this make sense to ya?"_

_And oh my fucking God did it make sense…I was going to have to swallow my balls, figuratively speaking of course, and forgive Edward._

"_It does, actually but…how can I be sure? I need more than just theories. I need solid proof, if possible." I needed it. I needed it to be one hundred percent sure. I was stubborn as hell and wanted to be sure, if I had to apologize for something, it was warranted._

"_I'm not one hundred percent sure, but I've made some calls and I know someone who can help."_

_He pulled a note from the front pocket of his shirt and slid it across the table._

_I hesitated. I wasn't sure what would be written on that piece of paper but curiosity got the better of me. So I reached for it and unfolded it._

"_You want me to call Aro?" _

"_Absolutely. He'd have real answers for ya. Answers none of us can really give ya, not even Carlisle, I don't think. Plus he needs to know Edward made good on his word to change ya. Don't you agree?" He smiled and pushed his hair back from his face._

"_Jazz, why is your Southern accent so dominate in some conversations but not in others?" I had to know._

"_I've been tryin' to loose it for years but it's the only way I know to talk and well…Alice likes it when we're…ya know…alone." He grinned sheepishly and tucked his hair behind his ear and I'd bet my bottom dollar, the human Jasper Whitlock, would have blushed._

"_OK. That's enough. I don't want to know about yours and Alice's alone time. But as for the accent, keep it. They sure don't make them like that anymore." _

_We giggled and sighed with relief after the hefty conversation. I felt relieved and still very confused at the same time. This theory of Jazz's sound very solid but I had to be sure, so I made a quiet vow to call Aro soon. It was the least I could do. If nothing else, he could give me explanations on how to handle Tanya, I'm sure._

"_Jazz, can I ask you something?"_

"_Sure thing, darlin'. What's on yer mind?"_

"_Do you think there's a heaven?"_

"_I sure do. I refuse to live my immortal life believing there isn't. Just the same way I did when I was human."_

"_Do you think God will punish us severely for what we are?" I don't know why I had the sudden need for spiritual confirmation, but it had been eating at me. Maybe that was why I was questioning His intentions so much lately._

"_Bella," Jazz said as he grasped my hands in his and met my eyes, "God doesn't punish sweetheart. He forgives."_

I snapped out of my reverie and spoke the words out loud.

"God doesn't punish. He forgives."

They sounded even better when I said them than when I remembered them. If nothing was unforgivable in His eyes, how was it fair of me to be so unforgiving for actions Edward had no control over? Was I so full of hurt and hate that I would allow him to doubt his self worth? Because Edward, in my opinion was worth everything. Every mass of troubled water we succumbed to was worth it if in the end, we still belonged to each other. I had to be with him. I couldn't spend another moment without him. I had to let him know I loved him and that despite the fact that I would never forget what happened…that I forgave him. Because I loved him enough. I needed him enough. And I knew he loved me.

I opened my eyes, not having realized they were closed and was shocked to see Edward was gone.

"Edward?"

Nothing. His scent hung around me like a duvet but the absence of him was everywhere. Was he really that upset?

I began making my way back to our house thinking if we just had a few more minutes to talk, surely we could work things out. It wasn't nearly as complicated as I had thought it would be. He wanted me more than anything in this world, as did I. And he was right, there was nothing in this world that could come our way and divide us. We were each halves of the same whole and I'd be damned if I let Tanya completely take that away from us. After all, if I admitted defeat, she won. That was exactly what she had wanted to do. She wanted to put a wedge, so deep between the two of us, there would be no logical way to find our way back to each other. She may have violated him, cheated me out of the trust I had forced myself to give her and caused a rift in my marriage but she was by no means going to destroy it.

"Bella?"

My head automatically snapped back around to the voice. I'd never forget that voice. Even if I lived to be a thousand years old.

"Aro?"

* * *

**AN: Yeah…so I'm a punk ass for having taken so long to update. I won't get into specifics but things were…not well for a little while and I had to right some wrongs before I focused on writing again. I took a little this and a little that from True Blood because I effing love that damn show. My favorite part of last season was when Sookie tells Godrick that God doesn't punish, he forgives. I'm not religious by any means and hopefully that didn't put any of you off but I thought it was a very sweet line in the show and wanted to use it somewhere. My apologies to anyone I may have offended with my mention of such information.**

**I was getting really close to rounding the corner of wrapping this fic up, but an idea came to mind and I think I may have added a few more chapters than I had originally thought to it. So something to look forward to.**

**Also – title of this chapter is not mine, credit goes to Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost. Some credit goes to bananapancakes7 for bringing the poem to light for me.**

**Some pimpage is due because these fics have me by the balls…figuratively speaking:**

**The Woods are Lovely, Dark and Deep by bananapancakes7**

**Stampede of a Thousand Pulses by ss10 – this fic is…just…wow…I…there are no words in the English language to describe how beautiful this is**

**Hope everyone enjoyed. Will start working on next chapter just as soon as I can get the refi on my house closed, which hopefully will be this week but no promises because I do have to squeeze in a few more trips to the theater to watch these new movies..Eclipse…the Last Airbender…ever heard of them?**


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